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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
Thurlow · 29/01/2015 16:45

Let me guess - what actually happened was you met up, she talked a little about how much she enjoyed her wedding, and you've decided that means she was just going on and on about how amazing her life is?

MadamG · 29/01/2015 16:46

Oh my word OP!

If you ever get married you may find out how complicated the arrangements all are, how difficult it is to keep everyone happy when you are on an emotional roller coaster yourself. Your friend sounds like she did great in the circumstances. The role of any friend of the bride especially a bridesmaid at a wedding is to be really happy for the bride and do what the couple want on their day regardless of your preferences. Yes some people go all bridezilla (and they are the ones who normally turn up on MN to be dissected) but most people really don't!

Now wouldn't it be great if your mate is on MN and is reading this!

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 16:46

I would rather she sent out her thank you cards - a verbal thank you does not count.

OP posts:
TheComfortOfStrangers · 29/01/2015 16:47

A soon-to-be-bride saying how great her life was... but also cooking for you, supporting you through a long time coming split and asking if you're OK?
Seems balanced enough to me. Should she have pretended to be miserable?

FrenchJunebug · 29/01/2015 16:49

you sound like an awful friend and a bit scary (keeping a tally of how often your 'friend' sees her other friends?!).

She is not the one making you feel like "a poor unfortunate loser", you seem to do that all on your own.

She came to stay with you just after the break up. What is she suppose to do now? No have a life but spend her free evenings listening to you telling her how crap your life is?!

YABVVU

YouTheCat · 29/01/2015 16:50

29 or 12? Hmm

With each and every post you sound more self absorbed.

It was her wedding day. It wasn't about you. I don't blame her for not wanting some random bloke there.

clearingaspaceforthecat · 29/01/2015 16:50

OP are you actually taking on board any of the comments made by people that yes, in answer to your question, it would be unreasonable for you to say something to your friend? Have you reconsidered your position at all? Were you ever willing to take on board other opinions?

BootCampBella · 29/01/2015 16:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheComfortOfStrangers · 29/01/2015 16:51

Good golly, I haven't seen such a clearcut and unanimous YABU since that tailgater some weeks ago Grin

BatmanLovesBakedBeans · 29/01/2015 16:52

Gosh, you're coming across as very unlikeable OP. Reread your posts and see if you can see what the posters see.

I'm assuming you've worked yourself up into a froth and are too emotional to be rational. I just can't believe anybody can be so self-centred and jealous. It's pretty unpleasant reading.

emotionsecho · 29/01/2015 16:52

You keep contradicting yourself OP - you stated your previous relationship was over a fair while ago but there were issues with the selling of a house which delayed the final split until 2 weeks before your friends wedding. Then two days before your friends wedding you ask to bring your new boyfriend, (someone you have or have not known for a long time depending on which post you read), so you have moved on from your previous relationship and therefore should be in a 'better' place and even if you aren't your friend is still not in the wrong.

Your last word in your post are the most revealing though "she still has her perfect life" and that is your problem your hideous envy of your friend.

Dazedconfused · 29/01/2015 16:59

This is the most ridiculous aibu I have ever seen. I don't really have anything to add

ptumbi · 29/01/2015 17:04

a friend who had just recently broken up with a boyfriend and tell her how great my life is. - but but but - the split was a long time coming! you'd spent a long time beforehand talking about your 'work friend' Hmm and you were not exactly rending your clothes, were you?

No. I call BS

chipsandpeas · 29/01/2015 17:05

woah hold on...

wouldn't meet up with a friend who had just recently broken up with a boyfriend and tell her how great my life is. I would wait until said friend is in a better place. It's not going to make her any less happy, she still has her perfect life.

you said earlier you have a new bf already so to me you are just wallowing in woe is me pity so get over it

kinkyfuckery · 29/01/2015 17:08

I would be annoyed with regards to the seating plans. You should have been seated similarly to the rest of the bridal party, imo.

How does your new boyfriend feel about her and how she has acted? Is he of the same opinion as you about how she has been?

soontobemumofthree · 29/01/2015 17:08

She probably will send you a thank you card, unless she has read this thread. Not sure it is doing you much good going over this, but sounds like she is having a happy time in her life, this is good.
What about spending sometime with another friend (not talking about this) and focussing on getting yourself into a better place.

vindscreenviper · 29/01/2015 17:08

I would rather she sent out her thank you cards - a verbal thank you does not count.

I completely agree op your friendship is wasted on her, now tell me about the £2000 corkage fee for the Blue Nun on the reception tables...

I bet she lets her cat shit in your garden too.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 17:10

What have thank you cards got to do with anything?! Have I missed something??

WiiUnfit · 29/01/2015 17:11

Sorry OP, you sounds awful. Your friend would be a lot better off without you. I pandered to my maid of honour before, during & after my wedding, she was exactly like you. I got rid & so should your friend.

squizita · 29/01/2015 17:14

Of course she bloody boasted and showed off on her wedding day.
Bet she wore a flashy white dress and had her hair up too.Hmm

Jux · 29/01/2015 17:15

You are angry because she didn't drink on a night out with you, but drank on a night out with other people the night before. When she said that she is only drinking once a week because they are saving money.

Does anything like logic ever enter your head?

emotionsecho · 29/01/2015 17:15

Why have you lobbed 'Thank You Cards' into the thread?

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 29/01/2015 17:17

"Friendship is a 2 way thing though surely? I am sure i am not the only person that would get annoyed with a friend who is not really as interested in me because i am not single. She see's her other friends twice as much as me."

If your friendship with her was a two-way thing, you would not be moaning about her being too happy when she so thoughtlessly and unkindly asked if you were OK, taking time out of her special day to express support for her friend. You would not be ignoring the support she gave you after the break-up, spending time with you, cooking for you etc. You would not be jealous of the time she spends with other people - you wouldn't even be counting.

If you are anywhere near the same, in real life, with her as you have been on here, I am not surprised she spends more time with other people.

Just try, for a moment, being wholeheartedly happy for her, without counting how many times she has gone out with you, how many non-alcoholic drinks she's had with you versus the alcoholic drinks she's had with other people, or whining about the ways you imagine she slighted you on her wedding day. Grow up, learn to be a better person.

Hushabyelullaby · 29/01/2015 17:18

Oh I really hope this is a wind up, if not then I feel so sorry for your friend (why on earth she remains your friend is beyond me).

This is not all about you! It's highly unusual that a thread on MN gets almost unanimous votes of 'yes' to an AIBU question, does this not make you think that maybe you are in the wrong?

Selfish much OP?

CurlyhairedAssassin · 29/01/2015 17:19

I think that daytime receptions with sit down meal and speeches are for close friends and family only, and serious partners/spouses of said people. We only had an evening reception as we had already got married abroad earlier and i put "plus guest" on every single oerson's invitation (unless I knew their partner's name). I didn't mind that people brought a date or even a friend along as it was just a disco with a buffet and made no difference to me that I didn't know some people well.

But daytime functions are different. They are bloody expensive. And yes she was probably wondering why she should pay loads of dosh per head for a random. If I had been her I would have said "tell him to come along to the evening do, if he wants, would be nice to meet him."

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