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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
kissmethere · 29/01/2015 18:30

Err friend not fried...

ptumbi · 29/01/2015 18:32

Oh it SO is a reverse - or a tr*ll

A Llort, infact Grin

Plateofcrumbs · 29/01/2015 18:32

Did other people at the wedding know your ex? If so it might have been a bit awkward you showing up with a new date. The bride would understandable not wanted any potential drama on her big day.

Idontseeanysontarans · 29/01/2015 18:33

I think you're hurt, upset and lashing out.
I can completely understand the date thing, I split with my boyfriend just before being BM at a mates wedding and almost brought a male friend along as a 'date'. She gave permission but I chickened out at the last minute.
You're lashing out at the wrong person - I think you probably know that really though.
YABU and I reckon you know you are.

AndyWarholsOrange · 29/01/2015 18:44

Whoops, I appear to have wandered into a parallel universe < backs out slowly >

MooMaid · 29/01/2015 18:51

I'm very confused by this thread.......

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 29/01/2015 18:55

Laughing (and everyone else) is spot on.

You sound very self absorbed because of your recent breakup least I hope that is why and hard work.

I suspect your friend may well be spending less time with you but it might be because you are pushing her away.

Allow her her happiness and stop blaming her for your misery.

SunshineBossaNova · 29/01/2015 19:02

For you OP.

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?
Jux · 29/01/2015 19:09

Andy Warhol's orange what?

Wink sorry, couldn't help myself.

kissmethere · 29/01/2015 19:11

Also what I meant was I can't give her what she expects from a partner. She has had break ups last year and went very down. No matter what I did she wanted more.
Given your friend has just got married it sounds as if she is happy and you want to be in her shoes, and you're making it really obvious .

DinoMight · 29/01/2015 19:12

Crikey, what a pickle.

CatThiefKeith · 29/01/2015 19:13

It sounds to me as if you and your new boyfriend have been involved in at the very least an emotional affair for a while op.

Maybe that's why she didn't want him there, y'know, considering she and her new husband were pledging their love for each other and forsaking all others?

And as for the whole bollocks about you 'not being in a good place' over your breakup, I'm not sure i'd be overly sensitive to someone who'd got a new bloke two weeks afterwards either except he's not new, he's the other man

Yabvu, and should do your friend a massive favour and ditch her immediately.

bloodygorgeous · 29/01/2015 19:21

Load of bollocks - but entertaining. The trolls know that weddings are always a winner, no matter how unbelievable.

littleleftie · 29/01/2015 19:23

Have I understood this...
OP split up with her partner just before friends wedding and wanted to take her long time male friend who is now her partner. Bride didn't think this was a good idea ( her wedding her choice)
Bride was charming and asked OP how she was at wedding.
OP didn't like the fact the groom and other guests said nice things about bride on her wedding day.
Bride would not allow OP to sit at the "family table" during the wedding.
OP is upset and offended when people she goes out with don't drink alcohol as it is some kind of personal affront, and, yet again, is all about her

Have I missed anything?

OP - the boring nonsense is all coming from you.

sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 29/01/2015 19:30

You sound like a bratty child stamping her feet. Waaaahhh why couldn't I bring myyyyyyy new boyfriend

ExitPursuedByABear · 29/01/2015 19:32

emotionsecho · 29/01/2015 19:35

The thread is worth it purely for that picture Sunshine

Charlotte3333 · 29/01/2015 19:38

Can I just say, my SIL has been through lots of partners over the last ten years or so. Went a bit bezerk when we got married 5 years ago, wanted to bring her soul mate new partner, gave it the big crying-drama stuff. I relented, he came as her plus one, we all had a fabulous day. Five weeks later they broke up. Six weeks later the photos arrived and that big, tall, beardy fucker was in the background of every single one. And of course, everyone looked at the pictures and went "who the frick is that?". I can laugh, because it's not a big deal, but if I had my time again that overgrown goblin of a man wouldn't have been within 74 miles of my vows.

Your friend probably realised she didn't want a 6 foot 4 hairy fella she'd never met before celebrating her lovely day. She wanted the people there who love and cherish her. And you.

MoanCollins · 29/01/2015 19:54

OP. I'm getting this. You split up with your ex a couple of weeks before her wedding. You then decided you want to bring another man to your wedding who you have been discussing with her in great detail for some time.

Now I don't know if this man had anything to do with the breakdown of your relationship. But if I was your friend and you had been talking about this man a lot and then your relationship broke down I would be Hmm. I wouldn't want you to bring him to my wedding out of respect for your ex.

Also her wedding is not some kind of date night for you to bring somebody she doesn't know to. You were there as her friend and to be her bridesmaid, your priority shouldn't have been using it as an opportunity for a date and 'getting to know' him anyway.

Seeing a friend once a week is a lot. Complaining that's it and moaning about her seeing other friends is clingy and smothering. Unless you rethink this you're going to lose this friendship altogether, because you really don't sound like you're probably much fun to spend time with.

ILovePud · 29/01/2015 20:07

The cat photo Grin love it!

FightOrFlight · 29/01/2015 20:12

You sound a right goer OP - split up with your partner (so upset your friend came round and cooked for you etc.) yet already hooked up again within 2 weeks Grin

Why would she ask if you were okay on her wedding day? Clearly you weren't pining for your ex as his place had already been well and truly filled (and yes, that IS a euphemism)

I'm guessing this is one of those wind-up threads because surely nobody could be that self-absorbed?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/01/2015 20:17

Good god! I feel like someone shat in my brain and walked off Confused

What is going on?

KatieKaye · 29/01/2015 20:27

Wow, someone has to be the centre of attention here.
And it wasn't the bride but the sulky bridesmaid with the huge chip on her shoulder. At 29 you should have realised a long time ago that the world does not revolve around you.
You dump your ex, are broken hearted and bitch at bride coming round yo cook, then swiftly take up with new guy. Then you moan because the wedding is all about the bride and you are hard done by because you are still so upset about dumping your ex. Only you are also moaning because you can't bring your new fuckbuddy along.
God, you are hard work.vand you contradict yourself like mad.

It's obvious you are wildly jealous of your friend.

There is nothing wrong with not drinking. Did you feel so bad because you drink a lot? Oh, and you do not send a thank you letter if you have thanked the giver in person. That's etiquette for beginners. You have a lot to learn about basic manners.

Time to grow up.

PassTheGinBottle · 29/01/2015 20:29

This is amazing.

ladymalfoy · 29/01/2015 20:32

Puds11. I'm with you 100%