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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed by all this boring nonsense?

301 replies

FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 14:27

I’m 29 and this post concerns my oldest ‘friend’. We were always very close, met at school. Both live in London. She got married in December and asked me to be bridesmaid. I was seeing someone and he was obviously my plus one. We split up 2 weeks before the wedding and my friend was quite supportive to be fair and came to see me etc, cooked and stuff like that. What annoyed me at the time (although I didn’t say anything) was that a few days before the wedding I asked if I could take a date and she refused on the basis that she had already given her table plans to the venue but I could bring a friend or my mum if I wanted to? Hmm What difference would a date have made?

On the wedding day she was very nice but it seemed to me that she tried deliberately not to be all ‘me me me’ and gave out presents to us, let her husband talk about how amazing she was etc and it was all a bit showy and reverse showing off about how amazing her life is. Don’t get me wrong, they are very happy together and he is lovely but there was no thought to my recent break up. She even asked me on the night “if I was ok?” Hmm. Kind of got on my nerves to hear how amazing she is from everyone all night. Every single conversation with her friends was all about how she is the best thing since sliced bread. Surely there is more to life than this?

Since the wedding we have been out and she didn’t drink (she’s not pregnant). I love her but I just feel she has completely changed as a person. AIBU to say something?

OP posts:
Pumpkinpositive · 29/01/2015 16:09

I just don't appreciate being made to feel like a poor unfortunate loser when she gets up to all sorts with other friends, yet acts all adult with me?!

Maybe she realises that she really, really needs to stay sober around you, Flowerpuff.

Hmm
Phalenopsis · 29/01/2015 16:11

I'm seven pages in and I'm still baffled as to what this woman has done wrong, OP.

If you are genuine, I suggest that you fill us in about how horrible your friend is because from what you've written so far, you sound bonkers.

Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 16:11

Congratulations on a successful first post OP Grin

ScooseIsLoose · 29/01/2015 16:13

And mine Lonny it sums up this op perfectly Grin

Madcatgirl · 29/01/2015 16:13

Maybe the spare space on the family table was for someone who couldn't make it and maybe the family begged the bride not to have you sit there. They've probably got your number and see what a horrid person you are.

Your friend would be better off without you in her life. You are mean and judgemental.

ohbollocks2u · 29/01/2015 16:16

OP please stop now

This post is humouring me for the wrong reasons

You are in the wrong

TheWitTank · 29/01/2015 16:18

Unanimous YABU. It's a rare and beautiful thing.

magpieginglebells · 29/01/2015 16:20

If this is real then please read back through your posts. She sounds like a great friend (but I imagine will be distancing herself from you soon).

BitOutOfPractice · 29/01/2015 16:20

Oh OP. You are so U that I'm actualy starting to feel sorry for you Confused

You are obviously delusional upset and think your friend has set out to make you feel small and unloved. I would wager that that is how you are feeling yourself and are now projecting those feelings onto your friendship - looking for things that you feel are confirming the feelings you have about yourself at the moment.

I think you need to work on that to be honest and stop looking for sleights from others.

Hope you're OK anyway. But you really do need to get a grip of this and and do NOT say anything to your friend

grovel · 29/01/2015 16:24

Change your name to FlowerHuff, OP. Or ParanoiaPansy.

tryingtofindausername · 29/01/2015 16:25

YABU

I went to a wedding a couple of weeks after my relationship of 12 years finished and I was heartbroken. I told the couple my ex would not be attending any more.

I sat on my own with couples on my table. I talked to them. I didn't feel awkward with that. (I did feel a bit left out with the dancing as it was a ceilidh and you need a partner for most dances, but put a brave face on). It was a weekend that involved a lot of travel/hotel and I took my sister with me on the weekend away. I didn't ask if she could come to the wedding and my friend didn't offer. A while after the wedding she did say 'oh sorry I should have asked your sister' but I said it didn't matter as obviously just before her wedding she had a lot on her mind and couldn't be expected to think about that.

Apart from that
once you've done table plan, given it to venue with final numbers, it is a real pain to change it. To change it with two days notice is really impossible.
re other 'strangers' to the couple - they were known by one of the couple, or were long term partners of people they knew. This man of yours was your boyfriend of less than two weeks, regardless of how long you knew him before that. He's a random. They didn't want randoms at their wedding, they didn't want to pay for randoms at their wedding, and with +1s people usually draw the line at relationships where the couple is married, living together or seeing each other for X time.

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 16:26

Friendship is a 2 way thing though surely? I am sure i am not the only person that would get annoyed with a friend who is not really as interested in me because i am not single. She see's her other friends twice as much as me.

OP posts:
Number3cometome · 29/01/2015 16:27

Friendship is a 2 way thing though surely? I am sure i am not the only person that would get annoyed with a friend who is not really as interested in me because i am not single. She see's her other friends twice as much as me.

Do not feed the troll.

BootCampBella · 29/01/2015 16:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

soontobemumofthree · 29/01/2015 16:31

I wouldn't have wanted a guest to bring a date to my wedding because for me its all about friends and family. If you split up with someone 2 weeks before, then the date isn't friend or family. Your mum or another friend would be.
YABU to be annoyed

If you've been friends this long surely you've been able to be happy for her despite things being harder for you, and she for you?

hiddenhome · 29/01/2015 16:31

Blimey, I really hope this poor friend finds herself some decent friends instead of you OP Hmm your awfulness knows no bounds. It's well seen the me, me, me generation are well and thriving Sad

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 16:32

But nothing in any of your posts suggests that's the case OP. There may be things going on behind the scenes but on the information given she has done nothing wrong. You're basing this on the fact that she had one night out with you when she didn't drink yet drank on a night out with others.

You sound like hard work.

emotionsecho · 29/01/2015 16:33

I wondered how long it would be before the "Nobody agrees with me, you're all a bunch of meanies" post would come along.

If you look again at your posts on here, OP, it is blatantly obvious why she would prefer to spend more time with her other friends and it has nothing to do with their marital status.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/01/2015 16:35

Her other friends probably like her.

Original poster
FlowerPuff · 29/01/2015 16:36

I suppose I just wouldn't behave like her if the shoe were on the other foot.

I wouldn't meet up with a friend who had just recently broken up with a boyfriend and tell her how great my life is. I would wait until said friend is in a better place. It's not going to make her any less happy, she still has her perfect life.

OP posts:
maras2 · 29/01/2015 16:36

This is bound to go puff now I 've joined the thread.

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 29/01/2015 16:38

You didn't say that in your original post OP. There was nothing about meeting up with you and telling you how great her life is.

I give up.

Tobyjugg · 29/01/2015 16:40

In descending order the only people who matter at a wedding are:
(1) the Bride
(2) the Bride
(3) the Bride's Father (who's paying for the damn thing), and
(4) the Groom.

Everyone else is there as a courtesy and doesn't matter.

Don't be a loser OP. It isn't fun and that's what you're coming over as.

adsy · 29/01/2015 16:40

God you sound bitter.
it was her wedding day ffs. of course she was saying her life was great.

ilovesooty · 29/01/2015 16:42

So your friend went out with you and didn't drink?
She was BVU. If I'd had to spend an evening with you and your massive ego I'd have had to get well and truly pissed in order to survive the experience.

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