Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

am I a 'pushy parent'?

64 replies

woffington · 29/01/2015 09:42

One of the other mums noticed a children's activity book when I had a play date. Its one of these:

www.amazon.co.uk/Science-Becoming-Observer-Stage-Vordermans/dp/140536369X/ref=pd_sim_b_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=16D6GP0S9XEH0CW2GCCQ

She said it was too much on top of a school day. I also do ten minutes reading daily, and a page of activity from this style of book.

I do not drill teacher on dcs progress. In fact I only speak to teacher on parents day. DC also goes on lots of play dates.

DC is 5.

But i like dc to learn at home daily. Am I a mumzilla?

The thing is I'm Asian and (forgive the stereotype) but home education is the norm. A lot of the other parents are keen not to pressurise kids and say they don't do these activities, but then this is a popular book on amazon so lots must buy!

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 29/01/2015 09:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 29/01/2015 09:44

If your children are happy with it, it doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.

Hathall · 29/01/2015 09:48

Not at all. I know children at schools that get homework and a new book every day at that age.

Original poster
woffington · 29/01/2015 09:51

Well DC is sometimes reluctant to do it 'oh!! I want to watch TV, mummy'

But I insist on studies first, then TV. I was often taught learning is not all about fun. You learn the basics and then break the rules, so to speak. That said DC doesn't weep over lessons either.

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 29/01/2015 09:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squizita · 29/01/2015 09:54

The key is if the kid likes it. Same with sports or anything.
Mumzillas "push" as it's no longer fun and the kid wants to stop. If they like it, its "support". Smile Lucky you to have a child who enjoys learning!

Eva50 · 29/01/2015 09:55

We have some of the maths and times tables books. We don't do them every day as ds3 (8) gets 30+ minutes of homework Monday-Thursday and 30 minutes of piano practice and we read for 30 minutes at bedtime although it is mostly me reading to him because that's what he likes at the moment. We do the books in holidays or at the weekend or if he asks.

Ds1 (19) and ds2 (17) did the same (although they definately didn't get as much homework) and they have turned out just fine. Do what suits you and your child.

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2015 09:57

Home education as a supplement to school education is the norm in many households, regardless of race/culture etc.

Did she actually say you were a 'pushy parent'? Or did she just say she feels it's too much?

Either way, you're both entitled to do things your own ways.

MoanCollins · 29/01/2015 09:58

No not at all. I think that is just a healthy level of interest and encouragement. I'm normally the last person to shout offence but that makes me wonder if this woman instantly boxed you into a stereotype.

Original poster
woffington · 29/01/2015 09:58

Thanks! I just became quite paranoid as other mum seemed shocked! She works in education and said she thought it was a bad idea. Mmmm... Its tricky to find right balance.

OP posts:
Original poster
woffington · 29/01/2015 09:59

She used the word 'pushy' and was Shock

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 29/01/2015 10:00

Jeez she was 'shocked' because a parent had a KS1 activity book? Confused

How does she cope with everyday life? Grin

Pumpkinette · 29/01/2015 10:01

I don't think you are being a pushy parent. A page a day and 10 minutes reading, whats that an extra 20/30 minutes education a day?

If you were doing hours and hours of extra work and pushing your child to learn stuff 2-3 years above their level then maybe pushy. But a work sheet and 10 minutes reading isn't pushy at all.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 29/01/2015 10:01

I am also an immigrant and self-confessed Tiger Mum. I push the DCs. I was pushed myself and I am grateful to my parents. It's the reason I have a very lovely life now.

Having said that I would by push a 5 year old this way. At 5 I would be pushing music, music, music, and maybe teChing basic coding and programming.

I think a workbook is fine for an older child but it's not sensible, practical, or efficient to expect a small child to thrive like that.

Pushing should be tailored to how they will actually learn best. Formal academic work at 5 doesn't seem pushy, it seems like trying to pretend they're older when they're not. That's not effective.

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 29/01/2015 10:02

I would not* push a 5 year old this way.

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2015 10:02

I have a mental image of her shielding her kid's eyes and bundling her past the library, like it's a crack house or something Grin

Original poster
woffington · 29/01/2015 10:05

holdme I suffered years of piano practice! Grin I sometimes like to kick pianos when I'm alone with them. My DC has chosen to play drums and that is now what she's learning.

I am not interested in her just knowing all this stuff. I am keen on her learning to sit still and think. Even meditation is great too, and that doesn't involve sums or grammar.

OP posts:
Original poster
woffington · 29/01/2015 10:07

worra Grin

OP posts:
irregularegular · 29/01/2015 10:07

Having a science activity book that you sometimes use with your child when you both feel like it is not particularly pushy. However, "Insisting" on additional "studies" every day for a 5 yr old even though they are 'reluctant' and you believe that 'learning is not all about fun' is pushy and very unusual, yes. I don't personally know any parent who treats their 5 yr old like this.

WorraLiberty · 29/01/2015 10:12

On a serious note though, it's important to remember that if your child becomes adverse to additional home learning at this age and you do end up pushing, you could ruin their attitude to learning for pretty much the rest of their school career.

I do know a few parents who accidentally did this with their first child, regretted it hugely and took more of a back seat with subsequent children.

Original poster
woffington · 29/01/2015 10:12

OK, well, is learning and life all about fun? Its not about sadness or reluctance either. Sometimes its about just getting on with it.

Basically, its about the whole shebang.

OP posts:
GokTwo · 29/01/2015 10:14

Tha's hardly over the top. I wouldn't do much more formal stuff than that with a 5 year old but that sounds absolutely fine.

Theoretician · 29/01/2015 10:18

At 5 I would be pushing music, music, music

I think music is a common obsession with parents who are exceptionally interested in their children's education.

I wonder why?

It's extremely unlikely the child is the next Mozart, and the world is not undersupplied with competent musicians. Very few people make a good living as a violinist. It's nice to be able to sing, but I doubt more than a tiny minority of these children get a positive return (in terms of enjoyment) on the time invested.

TheWordFactory · 29/01/2015 10:21

Some parents focus on music because it opens up different pathways in the brain than formal/academic activities.

And it requires patience, repetition and commitment; which are great qualities to build for...well...life.

TheWordFactory · 29/01/2015 10:23

OP, I should't worry what another parent says or doesn't say.

You know your child and how you want to parent her.

Some parents view school as where education should take place. Others feel that school is just one resource they're using to educate their DC.