am I a 'pushy parent'?

[woffington]

One of the other mums noticed a children's activity book when I had a play date. Its one of these:

www.amazon.co.uk/Science-Becoming-Observer-Stage-Vordermans/dp/140536369X/ref=pd_sim_b_5?ie=UTF8&refRID=16D6GP0S9XEH0CW2GCCQ

She said it was too much on top of a school day. I also do ten minutes reading daily, and a page of activity from this style of book.

I do not drill teacher on dcs progress. In fact I only speak to teacher on parents day. DC also goes on lots of play dates.

DC is 5.

But i like dc to learn at home daily. Am I a mumzilla?

The thing is I'm Asian and (forgive the stereotype) but home education is the norm. A lot of the other parents are keen not to pressurise kids and say they don't do these activities, but then this is a popular book on amazon so lots must buy!

Sounds fine to me - my mum taught us all to read, spell and do times tables (with the fucking smurfs but that's a whole separate therapists chair issue!) at home and it helped hugely I think. We also did piano. I think both things were from about 7 though. I'm pretty sure 5 was mostly lego!

As an employer.....one generalisation I would note is that some of the more recent school leavers we have interviewed....all of whom have gone through learning which has started earlier and earlier in their lives, seem significantly less capable, generally, than earlier generations. It's almost like the drive to 'get people most prepared' is somehow having the opposite effect. This is possibly rubbish as sample survey is only a handful, but friends have made similar comments....... Not sure I'm making any sort of point her, just musing!

Snakes yep it's something secondary schools are in a flap about ... hothouse flowers, so to speak, who are spoon fed/coached for exams and thus cannot operate well in a more freeform/non academic environment.

The result of every government using exams/league tables (which they call "education") as a vote winner or political rod - endless changing of goal posts, over coached children ... fear of risks and almost a fear of initiative in some.
And they're indoctrinated into that "there's ONE right answer, defer to teacher, pass the test" mentality really young.

Sport and art subjects used to help.
But they're cutting those back now too.

Very interesting - thanks for the confirmation!

There were/have always been a few things that really nark me about the way education goes. The fact that so much emphasis gets placed on GCSE aged exams that you end up telling people how 'good' they'll be when they're fourteen. 14 ffs. Looking back I'm surprised I trusted my 14 year old self to cross a major road, let alone make decisions that 'will affect the rest of your life'.

The fact that only academic achievement is considered a success. Happen to have been born extremely pretty and with a great body? Just luck, and if you make money from it you're just a thick slag who can't do something 'better'. Happen to be born with a particularly effective brain - wow you're just everything. Why is one actually a greater achievement than the other? You aren't adtally responsible for either.

How come the plumbers I know (you know, one of those shit things you'll have to do if you're not great at school exams) are driving Lamborghinis, and my degree educated Corp mates are driving BMWs. That doesn't quite add up with the route to success story we were told. Repeatedly.

It feels, to me, like 'education' which once had the great premise of 'giving everyone an equal start in life and opening the world and its options' is becoming a bit of a bubble only relevant to itself.

This has absolutely nothing to do with the OPs thread - sorry, sorry.

Ds is 5 and has about 30 mins homework most nights.
On the nights he has already done his book at school we read phonics books.
I'm not a pushy mum at all

Paper exams are cheap, and suck in parents (so they bid everything on pfb passing and don't question the system).
Giving every kid a range of skills would cost a lot and there would be no "divide and conquer" competition/snobbery to suck everyone into.
I'm no "no such thing as failure" hippy ... but the current system is cheap and panders to the worst kind of middle class snobbery.

It also hurts the economy and community/society. Being good in league tables (school, regional or internationally) is NOT as important as useful skills be they academic, social or practical.

...to clarify. I'd like a system where all get experience of academic, art, technology and sport subjects. Good quality experience. Then it would truly level ... Every child would get a chance to see what they were good at (rather than perhaps what mum/teacher wants). But with that in mind, I'd like proper rigour in assessments.

Why is one actually a greater achievement than the other? You aren't adtally responsible for either.

A really good point, but actually I don't agree. Of course if you get results without doing any work - but that doesn't happen for most people. It's not just about knowing dates and names for exams, but about learning how to motivate yourself, how to concentrate and fire up different, learning parts of the brain (those which are engaged when you're reading Shakespeare and not when you're watching TV - and it takes a little time to warm up to but is rewarding, as a PP has said), how to retain information, analyse, extrapolate, explain, draw your own conclusions. These are all learning processes and not something you can do without any kind of practice at all. This is why academic success is generally lauded more than beauty, though of course it comes more easily to some than others purely through genetics.

OP, I don't think you sound pushy at all. And also, who cares if you did?! That's your style of parenting and I think it's great. Even if your child didn't enjoy it at the time especially, you are giving her a gift for the future in the form of knowledge to enjoy, and also teaching her how to enjoy learning. Most NT children, I think, are not challenged enough.

othouse flowers, so to speak, who are spoon fed/coached for exams and thus cannot operate well in a more freeform/non academic environment.

I absolutely agree with this; it's not learning as I describe in my post above, and the reason why examination results in this country are becoming increasingly less valued.

But that's not what the OP is doing. If anything, coaching and doing extra work with your child at home will (if you're doing the right things) further their knowledge off the curriculum and teach them to be interested, give them general knowledge they wouldn't otherwise have, and just foster an engaged atmosphere in the home environment; the best kind of education possible, and a complement to school-based education. Obviously that's not all about books, but rote learning is important and takes time, and has to take place somewhere.

I adore learning, it is not a chore I gladly learn every day. All sorts. I try to touch on new things each day. I am lucky though as research is an important part of my job.

Learning to love learning is a really useful life skill. I focus on teaching my young children things they will enjoy but I do encourage a work ethic at every opportunity I can too.

I don't think you are doing anything pushy at all, how very rude of this other woman. Reading every night with your child is a lovely thing to do, and reading for pleasure has been shown to predict achievement at school not just in reading but in other subjects too.

As for the science - I see no harm in skipping every now and then if your DC is really unhappy, or possibly broadening your repertoire of activities beyond the workbook - some more hands-on experimental stuff might break the monotony a little - but I still don't think you're pushy.

I love learning, my job is all aboutvlearning and teaching. As an educator I think teaching is all about motivation, you have to teach in such a way that students want to learn and enjoy the experience. Approaching learning as an unavoidable task to be forced\nagged\pushed into is a very bad idea.

Of course you aren't. My own mother was a teacher and we all learned lots at home including from my father.

Our children all went to private schools from age 4 and doing a bit of reading etc at home is just normal whether you are Asian or like me White British although I am particularly glad my sons go to school with a majority of Asian boys as that means the work ethic is good.

At 5 I would concentrate on talking (not enough parents develop diction, accent, grammar in children) and reading and writing and adding up. Sing in the car too and have a lot of reading to them at bed time and let them see you read books you enjoy.