To raise my eyebrow at DD's school 'punishment'?

[chaosagain]

DD is 5 and in year 1. She had to miss 10 minutes of her morning playtime today after getting a yellow card yesterday and then doing the same thing again shortly afterwards. Her offence: reading a book when she was being asked to do something else/tidy up.

I get that she needs to learn to listen and I also get that it can be important that we (are seen) to support school decisions to her.. but REALLY? Sitting out of playtime is a big deal to her and the first time she's not been on the 'green card' for her behaviour this year. She was going to have this 'time out' with 2 other boys who each had 5 mins for fighting. She was really worried about it this morning, trying to find a way to not go to school etc.

She and I talked about how you just have to face things that are a little bit worrying and understand that there are consequences to your behaviour. The teacher was asking you to do things and you didn't do them. She told me that the book she was reading was just so good that she didn't hear the teacher. I get frustrated by this complete absorption of hers at home, but also recognise that she just doesn't hear me unless I go and make physical contact by touching her hand, shoulder etc.

I don't think this is worth taking up with the school and we should probably help her chalk it up to life experience but I keep thinking: 'can it be right to discipline a child (at 5) for getting lost in a book/for READING?!'

Ah well, let's see how she feels in a couple of days.

Yes I know it's not compulsory thank you OP, I have 2 children in the system and am in Education myself.

In the 20 years I've lived here, I have not heard of one single child who started at age 6, it would be looked on as totally wierd.

The point is not that a five-year old can't be expected to pay attention to instructions.

It's that you are miffed because your daughter was punished and you think it's unfair compared to those naughty boys fighting.

You're right TheTroubleWithAngels, I should step away. I wasn't until I started a thread on it did it become bigger for me- hence just 'raising an eyebrow' and 'backing the teacher'. Now I'm over thinking it.

And for the record, I have spent quite a lot of time in class with 30 odd kids, thanks but I'm not a teacher, so I don't pretend to understand all the challenges of their job.

I'd have liked the teacher to walk over to her, touch her shoulder

Another parent might have gone steaming in and telling the teacher to get their hands off their child!

I think the teacher behaved perfectly reasonably.

And totally agree with thetroublewithangels - would love to see you managing the group!

The teachers HAVE to be quick to pick up on this type of behaviour, otherwise you'd been on here moaning that they never get any work done because of all the messing about in class.

Actually, jamaisjedors, I don't. I share the school run with the family of one of those boys and he was really miserable about it too this morning. He also said he was just playing around, it wasn't really a cross fight. I was more worried about my DD's understanding of it all and the comparisons she was making out loud about it!

It's ok to 'back the teachers' but sometimes they make mistakes - can be too strict or misjudge a situation or over react. They're human too. I stand by my earlier comment - I think it sounds a bit harsh and I would prefer a tap on the shoulder and a reminder rather than have a child think that they got into trouble for reading.

Jaimaisjedors. I'm sorry if I've put your back up but I think you're getting unnecessarily personal and rude.

I've said very clearly that I couldn't do her job and have backed the teacher up on this..

Ok fair enough. But honestly, I know it's her first year in school and all that, but you making it into a big deal is not helping either you or her, there'll be plenty of times when life is a little harsh like that (and I know you know that, don't mean to be patronising, sorry).

X-post.

Sorry too.

Thanks CaptainFarrell but the OP says she has 5 mins time out tomorrow but won't currently tell her what it was for. To me that says she served the full ten mins already but has an additional 5 mins for something else as yet undisclosed.

'He also said he was just playing around, it wasn't really a cross fight.'

The domino effect.
You are messing around with your mate, perhaps a little wrestle on the carpet. Then you accidently boot another child in the nose, or bump them over and the parent wants you on report for assault.
Or you are having a little bumpercar session and you get bumped into a wall, another child or a coatpeg and you start wailing that he hurt yooooooou.
or you have a little friendly fight, get caught before anything happens and you complain to mummy that it was sooo unfair.

But you wouldn't need to remind all of them, all of the time. Most of the time they aren't engrossed in a book and do hear you.

I was in her position in year 5. I'm nearly 30 now and still remember it. I recall looking up in shock to see I was the only one still reading and the teacher standing over me.

I had to sit on the floor with the 'naughty boys' and I was devastated.

I think the teacher should have made sure she'd heard the order and only punished if she clearly did but will fully ignored the instruction.

A child got a teeny tiny punishment for a teeny tiny misdemeanour.

Talk about a storm in a teacup.

Btw it's really amazing to me that people honestly think teachers can allow 30 kids to just do their own thing in their own time!

They'd get fuck all done THEN the parents would have something to complain about.

I can't believe people think you are unreasonable. She wasn't wilfully ignoring anyone, she was engrossed in a book. Heaven forbid we want 5 year olds who enjoy reading. What will she learn from this? Well don't get too involved in your book, shame if that means you don't enjoy it. So glad I home schooled till year 4.

The only thing that will put your mind at rest is to go and have a conversation with the teacher, and find out the sequence that led to DD missing playtime. You can also find ot what that second sanction is for, as DD dioesn't want to tell you.

' She wasn't wilfully ignoring anyone, she was engrossed in a book.'

One half of the story. The POV of the 5 year old victim who is in hr second year of schooling.
Not that she'd been asked several times, that she was warned of the consequence and then finally had it applied.
OP, you need to find out what actually happened, and then gently put the teacher's version of events to your DD and see what happens.

Yes, actually I have and I didn't need to remind all of them all of the time.

So it's fine if they don't listen? How does that work in a class of 30 exactly? And how do you suggest they learn this?

Teachers don't have time to go around gently tapping children to remind them they need to listen.

And as for a play fight in a classroom, that is totally not on and I'd expect a year 1 child to know that.

No-one here knows whether she was wilfully ignoring, or engrossed in the book.

Only the DD knows that and possibly the teacher.

However, she now has another punishment tomorrow and despite being asked by the OP what it is for, she is refusing to say.

That sounds pretty wilful to me.

Perhaps the teacher can spot behaviour that needs nipping in the bud, before it gets worse?