.. to consider working FT with three children under 5

[harrowgreen]

when we don't need the money and DH has a very demanding job....

DD1 is 4.5, DS 1.11 and DD2 0.1 (4wks).

I was a professional in the City before DD1, but never went back after maternity leave and have spent the last few years working mainly in the charitable sector on a pro bono basis;

We're now done with having children, and I want to go back to work.

I've been offered a job in the profession I used to work in, but it's full-time. We're no longer in London so it's not crazy hours (core of 9-6), but DH is out of the house for at least 13hrs/day, sometimes with overnight travel, so can't help with childcare in a practical sense. So I'd need help getting DD1 to school and DS and DD2 to nursery (they can all start by 8am), and picking them all up. DD1's school offers after-school care until 6pm (for an extra charge) and nursery runs until 6pm also. DS is really settled at nursery already (he goes PT currently) so I wouldn't want to move him.

I can't work out if going back would put our family under intense stress. DH has a very healthy salary, so we don't need the money (it'd cover childcare but that'd be it). I wouldn't go back immediately (I'm EBF and will do until 6m and will then continue to BF for the full year), but likely late summer.

The job would be great, but I'm not sure if it'd be great enough to warrant this huge change in lifestyle for us all. Working PT there probably isn't possible, although some working from home might be allowed.

If I don't take this job I have another option in the charity sector which would be part-time, flexible, mainly from home and give me great exposure. Money would obviously be minimal in comparison but, as I said above, that's not a huge concern. However I'm not sure there'd be the intellectual stimulation of the professional role.

Thoughts?

full time nanny.
and a back up (or decide that you and dh will take time off if needed ie if nanny is sick and/or have emergency nanny agency on speed dial)

cleaner to do drudge housework so weekends can be family time.

charity role with more flexibility may be better option but up to you - it can be done. with a full time nanny.

Enjoying, that is TOTALLY patronising.

When exactly is the right time to be making big decisions?

If she waits any longer it is unlikely that the offer will still stand.

The part of her brain which makes rational decisions has not been surgically removed!

Yanbu but I agree with pps that a nanny is the best option at least until all dc are at school

Get a good, reliable nanny and you should be fine. I wouldn't do it without the nanny.

Jamais, it's the sort of statement that people can rile up about and get their knickers in a twist., but think about it. In all likelihood with a four week old, one will be lacking in sleep... That will affect you. Add the hormonal changes that occur when you have a new born, establishing breastfeeding, and looking after another two children... It's not exactly out there, to suggest that it's not the best time to be making big decisions

Enjoying with my 3 I had been back at work 2 weeks by the 4 week stage. I had a baby not a lobotomy.

You are a superwoman cream, a superwoman!

Full Time job, with a nanny and a cleaner. I'd also get some back up for childcare in the forms of local childminders or friends who might be able to cover a short notice nanny illness or holiday.

Go for it

I went to work after third child - at four months because that was how much maternity leave I had then . so i had four month old, 2.9 month old and disabled 6 year old. with a great nanny it worked. actually it was easier when they were small. I left ex and later went part time (80 %) when they were 11, 8, 6. 6 years later I just gone back to full time as younger two now in secondary and get home on their own. so no after school clubs.

keeping working in a good career is a good investment in your own future, and in case anything should happen to dh. go back and apply for part time after a while eg 80 % (this worked out for me at 9.30 to 4.30 hour) or with on day working from home.

jamais she has done it twice before - she knows what it is like. it s not the same as with your first born...

Why? I dont get this attitude when people make out a woman wont want to do anything after babies. If you wouldnt say it to a man then you shouldnt say it to a woman as they routinely return to work and no one bats an eyelid.

I would do it, because I'd go crazy as a SAHM. But you may be different?

As others say, I would get a nanny. By the end of summer your DS will be old enough for pre school. So DC1 in school, DC2 in pre school and DC3 full time with nanny. Nanny is probably cheaper than after school club plus two lots of nursery fees anyway, and a whole lot easier for you (no issues with sickness/school hols/pick up and drop off/laundry and cooking gets done/etc).

Also, I would only do it if you can be sure that your hours really will be 9-6. If it starts encroaching into your weekends and evenings then that's too much IMO given your DH's hours. But no harm in giving it a try and stopping if it isn't what's been promised.

I can't see the point in the charity role if you won't find it intellectually stimulating and won't earn anything - might as well stay at home

Oh and yy to the cleaner, if you don't have one already.

sorry that was meant towards enjoying...

My colleague did this for 4 years until she came to work with us and went part time. She has 3 DC and her DH works away all week. She found and finds it pretty challenging in terms of the childcare (her DC are all at school) and has had to take quite a few days off to look after them when they've been ill. She would have liked a live in nanny but her DH didn't like the idea so she has had to use a very complicated combination of different childminders. She loves her work and I think she will persevere with it because it means alot to her even though she doesn't "need" the money either.

If I were you I would take the other part time job until the children were older because I wouldn't fancy the stress or being away from the children for such a long day but we're all different. Hope it works out well for you.

Cream, you honestly don't think the situation is just a teeny weeny bit different for a man and woman? Bearing in indeed the woman has carried the child for nine months and then given birth, so physically a big thing. And then breastfeeding, essentially sustaining a life, and the hormonal impact. You really think there is no difference between a man and woman just after giving birth? Out of curiosity, what do you do??

Ah cest, that does actually make a bit of a difference. Didn't read that.

I dont want to out myself but it is a profession. Why is that relevant? Personally no I dont think there is but am aware not all women feel the same.

it's only in the past few years [ perhaps to do with promotion of certain policies...] that women have been effectively told they must take one year maternity leave... when mine were born it was 16 weeks paid then went to 18 weeks paid. only more recently has it gone to 39 weeks paid with entitlement of maternity leave of 52 weeks ...

so it was totally common ten years ago for people to take four- five months and for nurseries to take from four months old. and many working women had to ! op does have a choice but with a good professional career investing in childcare now could mean it pays off in long term. and she wants to what is wrong with that? gives her H an option too to drop hours if he wants to.

I'm exhausted just reading your OP. If you really, really want to do it then go for it. I have 3 kids and couldn't do it in a million years but I am pretty lazy by nature. I work 2 days and my H works 4 days. I find it difficult enough juggling everything.

I think you'd need a nanny to make it work / give you peace of mind.

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

I've just gone back to my old career as a very rare part time role came up 2 days a week. My dh is always away with work or gets in about 8pm.

What I find tiring is getting home after work and then having to bed bath reading etc for 2 children on my own.

The people that I know who do both work full time they are generally both back in the evening to do the children's bedtime etc.

I think you could make it work but like others have said I think you'd need a nanny and one that is prepared to work long days. I know one nanny who works 7am- 8pm and think that may be what you'd need.

If you've been out of your career for a while I completely get the feeling that this could be a good chance of getting back in.

Give it a try. if it is terrible then you can resign but at least you won't always wonder, what if.

With situations like this if you are considering it then you are the type to handle it. It is a personal thing, but I am like you I cant sit still! I like the buzz of being busy.

The thing is, what we would do is irrelevant because we're all different people.
I would be a sahm in your scenario because I have no ambitions career wise, and a hobby I really enjoy.,
But, if I were ambitious and enjoy having a career, which I think it sounds like you are, then if go fir the work option but definitely definitely get a nanny.
From the way you've written your post, it seems like youvd decided and really want to go back to work.

Enjoying she's NOT suggesting going back to work NOW, it's in over 6 months' time.

I went back to work after 12 weeks after both DC, yes full-time, yes to a demanding academic job, yes it was quite tough but I don't regret a minute of it and am delighted to be doing something I love nowadays.