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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Advice needed please...15 yo wants to go abroad with friends (same age)

129 replies

sourdrawers · 28/01/2015 11:57

My 15 yo DD plays in a Basketball team and her team mates are really great girls. There's 4 of them, a couple of whom are just turned 16, that are close, DD included. I've just learned that they've organised to go on a 4 day trip to Amsterdam. They've asked DD to go. I've learned this via a friend, via FB. DD hasn't said anything to me yet. Now normally I'm pretty decisive. But I just feel really unsure. I trust DD and these girls, but abroad? WWYD???

OP posts:
DeanKoontz · 28/01/2015 11:58

That would be a No from me.

LadyLuck10 · 28/01/2015 11:59

No no no.

momb · 28/01/2015 12:01

Certainly you need to be 16 to travel without an adult on the value airlines. I'd expect something similar from ferry companies too.
I think that based on this alone I'd be saying no.

ChocolateBubbleBarsmakemefat · 28/01/2015 12:02

A definate no from me too.

ChangingItUp · 28/01/2015 12:03

No chance, I experienced Amsterdam at 16 and I can assure you it didn't involve sightseeing.

clearingaspaceforthecat · 28/01/2015 12:03

No, not without a responsible adult. What is causing the indecision for you?

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 28/01/2015 12:03

No.

No.

No.

No.

And incase she's unsure.

No.

SilentCharisma · 28/01/2015 12:04

I think it comes down to your trust.

My parents were very trusting of me, and would have encouraged such a jaunt as an adventure and probably good for me. I was mature, not easily lead and capable of getting myself out of trouble. Do you feel your DD has these qualities?

Your trust of the others comes in too - Amsterdam obviously has a reputation, so I think some conversations would have to take place between all the parents and the kids beforehand.

This is tricky I admit. I'm a big believer in letting children try their hand at new experiences but Amsterdam is quite a place.

LadyMaryofDownton · 28/01/2015 12:05

I take it you're considering it as you've asked. But seriously that's a no, it's way to young to go especially to Amsterdam.

BossWitch · 28/01/2015 12:06

Nope! But perhaps when it is mentioned say that you aren't happy with her going away now, but it will be different in a couple of years when she is 17/18, and how about starting a savings account for a trip then? You can both contribute so that she knows there is a real probability of a trip in future. Also maybe emphasise that a holiday at 18 would be much more fun than 16!

MrsVamos · 28/01/2015 12:06

No from me.

Heels99 · 28/01/2015 12:06

No, not unaccompanied. Could you go with them?

CelibacyCakeAndElevatorMuzac · 28/01/2015 12:07

No. She's too young and the group as a whole are too young.

FamilyAdventure · 28/01/2015 12:08

Is this a trip with the basketball team or just that they're friends through basketball. If it is the former and to be hosted by another team, I might be persuaded, but I'd have to do a lot of checking first.

Presumably they're in year 11, so potentially could be left school and working in a few months. Do parents expect to control where and how their children holiday once they start work? Genuine question. 16 seems to young for this kind of trip to me, but I'm not sure it would be reasonable to stop it for a child who's out in the adult world. MY DS1 is coming up 14 and I'm scared!

invisiblecrown · 28/01/2015 12:08

Amsterdam is actually really good with asking for id. I went in my early twenties (which wasn't too long ago) and all the drugs shops asked for my passport every time I bought a joint.

16 is very young to deal with Amsterdam though. There are lots of very high/drunk/god knows what people about.

GokTwo · 28/01/2015 12:08

Without hesitation no. That's too young.

skylark2 · 28/01/2015 12:08

No - she's too young.

DD and her friends went to Austria after their GCSEs (one of them was still 15, DD was just 16). But they went to an apartment DD's holidayed in multiple times, my brother lives 5 miles away - and the 15 year old's mum flew out and back with them and stayed in a hotel in the same village.

At 18 (and one 17), the same group of friends went to Ayia Napa alone.

There's a big difference between the ages. 15-16 is too young not to have an adult available if something goes wrong.

LemonySmithit · 28/01/2015 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WorraLiberty · 28/01/2015 12:14

Nope from me too

maras2 · 28/01/2015 12:16

No.These 'just turned 16 girls' are so not going for the scenery or museums/gallaries.

Original poster
sourdrawers · 28/01/2015 12:20

No it has nothing at all to do with the team. It's just the 4 of them going, (potentially)! I don't even know if they'll be allowed to travel at 15 without a parent, or someone over 18 at least? I haven't looked into it yet. And no I can't even imagine myself daring to ask if I can come along. As has been mentioned, what will they do there anyway? Coffee shops, clubs, bars are all out! Thankfully!!!

In April, they (the team), are going on tour to France but they'll be a good few parents going as well as the coaching staff and its all insured and overseen by the club. So no prob's letting her go on that without me.

OP posts:
NancyRaygun · 28/01/2015 12:23

I was a super polite and sensible 15 year old with a group of lovely friends. We all tried weed, sex and alcohol at that age.

Amsterdam seems like too adult a place for this - maybe next year? Year after?

They certainly won't be sightseeing although at 18 I went to Amsterdam and was too shy to buy a joint

What about a day trip to Paris??

Roseformeplease · 28/01/2015 12:25

You can travel from 14 unaccompanied on some airlines. My son flew alone to France at 14 last year. I would check first.

I think it depends on her - and on the others. I work with teens and some would be fine, others - no way!

SistersOfPercy · 28/01/2015 12:25

I'm a pretty laid back parent but 4 of them at that age in Amsterdam would be a no from me as well.

skinoncustard · 28/01/2015 12:29

A simple No here too.