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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Advice needed please...15 yo wants to go abroad with friends (same age)

129 replies

sourdrawers · 28/01/2015 11:57

My 15 yo DD plays in a Basketball team and her team mates are really great girls. There's 4 of them, a couple of whom are just turned 16, that are close, DD included. I've just learned that they've organised to go on a 4 day trip to Amsterdam. They've asked DD to go. I've learned this via a friend, via FB. DD hasn't said anything to me yet. Now normally I'm pretty decisive. But I just feel really unsure. I trust DD and these girls, but abroad? WWYD???

OP posts:

maz210 · 28/01/2015 12:29

I've been there too, it's definitely not for young teens. Tell her you'd be happy for her to go in a year or two but it's too dodgy a place for the underage.

She may encounter problems with travelling and staying there at 15 too, I think it would look unusual to airlines and hotels.

Whilst the cafe culture there is quite harmless we were obviously tourists and were stopped and offered hard drugs from random men on the street twice, also got targeted by British sob-stories begging.

If you do decide to let her go you need to have some very frank discussions about drugs beforehand, and not along the lines of "Of course I wouldn't ever touch drugs, Mum". There's a reason they've chosen Amsterdam and I doubt it's for the tulips.

She needs to know her limits, to pace herself, and what to do if she experiences any ill effects. Also tell her to watch out for trams, they're proper silent buggers that creep up on you from behind when you're stoned not concentrating. We stayed a few days but I never managed to figure out what part of the pavement was for pedestrians

BarbarianMum · 28/01/2015 12:31

I don't think you need to go to Amsterdam to do this, suspect they're available in every town in the UK.

ExitPursuedByABear · 28/01/2015 12:32

I certainly wouldn't let my 15 year old go to Amsterdam without adult supervision.

And I am a relatively relaxed parent.

RandomFriend · 28/01/2015 12:33

A no from me too. That is just too young to be without a responsible adult.

The airlines will let them fly (12 is the minimum age to fly unaccompanied) but the airline is not responsible for them once they have picked up their bags and left the airport.

Yes to the team tour. Yes to offering to accompany them for the Amsterdam trip.

DialsMavis · 28/01/2015 12:33

No! Amsterdam has some extremely seedy characters wandering around, it's also great fun at 18 or 20... But at 15, that would be a no from me!

maz210 · 28/01/2015 12:34

I've just had an idea - are you booking a holiday abroad this year? If so could you go somewhere they would enjoy and then book them the apartment next door? That way they'd get the thrill of an adult holiday and some independence but with the advantage of having a responsible adult nearby if something goes wrong.

Mandatorymongoose · 28/01/2015 12:36

I would say no at 15 but I'm probably a bit of a hypocrite, I lived alone at 15 with a baby but I don't even like to leave DD looking after her brother for more than half an hour and she's generally a sensible girl.

At 16 I might have concerns but would be much more likely to let her go - I'm not sure why a few months makes a difference to me.

Floralnomad · 28/01/2015 12:37

I'm the most laid back parent I know and it would be a no from me .

LIZS · 28/01/2015 12:37

No!

IlikeCowboys · 28/01/2015 12:39

She hasn't mentioned it too you - maybe she knows herself that she doesn't want to go? Knows you would "more than likely" say no? Thinks her friends are at just talking about it stage and nothing will come of it?

I did on many an occassion used my mothers non permission as to why i couldn't attend something or go somewhere when that age just because i didn't have the "balls" to say no to my peers - my mother never got a chance to say otherwise :)

Maybe she hasn't told you because she's not wanting to go!

MaidOfStars · 28/01/2015 12:42

Absolutely no way. The destination is irrelevant.

muminhants · 28/01/2015 12:42

I wouldn't let a 15 year old go away anywhere without adult supervision of some kind. I didn't go away on my own until I went to university at 18.

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 28/01/2015 12:42

Make her watch Taken and then say no.

ChocolateTeapotsDontWork · 28/01/2015 12:42

Hmm reading the title I thought 'Maybe as long as it's not Amsterdam'

I went went I was 15, nearly 16 with some school friends. We were all 'good' kids, however we spent the entire 4 days getting stoned in the various cafes as it was so easy and cheap (and a lot of fun). We had a great time but after my experience would I let my daughter go? Not in a million years!

MiddleAgedandConfused · 28/01/2015 12:43

It's the destination that would make it a 'no' from me. My DD - same age - went to Wales last summer for 5 days with her friends by themselves. So OK to go away - but not there!

skylark2 · 28/01/2015 12:44

"I did on many an occassion used my mothers non permission as to why i couldn't attend something or go somewhere when that age just because i didn't have the "balls" to say no to my peers"

This is a good point - I've always told my kids that if they need to use "my mum would disown me" or similar as a reason not to give in to peer pressure for something they're not comfortable with, they should feel free (but please can they tell me afterwards what it was I'd said no to so I don't put my foot in it!)

NancyRaygun · 28/01/2015 12:46

I don't think you need to go to Amsterdam to do this, suspect they're available in every town in the UK.

agreed Barbarian it's just to illustrate to the OP that 15 year olds do get up to all sorts and let's face it, Amsterdam is a city where it's much much easier to buy drugs than say... Tunbridge Wells.

ChocolateTeapotsDontWork · 28/01/2015 12:46

*went went = went when

notonyourninny · 28/01/2015 12:47

No.

NancyRaygun · 28/01/2015 12:47

I did on many an occassion used my mothers non permission as to why i couldn't attend something or go somewhere when that age just because i didn't have the "balls" to say no to my peers

really good point.

teenagetantrums · 28/01/2015 13:03

well how is she going to pay for it ? I would say nothing but hide her passport, and wait and see what happens, my teenagers at that age had great plans but were never actually organised enough to go anywhere

hellsbellsmelons · 28/01/2015 13:19

Hell no.
I have a sensible (well she is now) 17 YO and it would still be a big fat NO!!
When she's 18 fine, I have no say really.
But 15 - not a chance in hell. And Amsterdam!??

Mammanat222 · 28/01/2015 13:23

I can't imagine that the other parents will agree so this trip probably won't happen (well I cannot see all the parents of the other girls agreeing - the 'older' girls may get the ok)

If it does go ahead though it would be a big, fat no from me as well. She is too young

funkyfoam · 28/01/2015 13:24

No! Mine all went youth hostelling in the Uk after their GCSE's. A couple of the girls were still 15 and the hostels asked for parental permission in writing. There is no way I would of let them go abroad.

Original poster

sourdrawers · 28/01/2015 13:31

She has saved up some money from doing errands from a friend of mine, who runs her own business from home. . Babysitting and the few quid she got for Xmas, and her birthday. I'm frantically saving for a summer holiday this year in Bordeaux by the beach, in a biggish chalet and told her she can bring a friend. They can have the run of the place as I'll no doubt meet some gorgeous, bronzed muscle man and have better things to do!! But Amsterdam will be a NO!

God help me.... looking forward to this. (Not)

OP posts:

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