Advice needed please...15 yo wants to go abroad with friends (same age)

[sourdrawers]

My 15 yo DD plays in a Basketball team and her team mates are really great girls. There's 4 of them, a couple of whom are just turned 16, that are close, DD included. I've just learned that they've organised to go on a 4 day trip to Amsterdam. They've asked DD to go. I've learned this via a friend, via FB. DD hasn't said anything to me yet. Now normally I'm pretty decisive. But I just feel really unsure. I trust DD and these girls, but abroad? WWYD???

sour- she will get over it. You may be unpopular atm but stick to your guns.

Noooo way. With a side measure of 'not a chance' chucked in as well.

I'm in the hell no camp, ide offer to chaperone though because ide hate to be the bad guy.

where do they think they are staying?

the hostels don't take under 18s and nor will the hotels. And yes, they will be asked to prove it so the usual idea of loads of makeup to look older won't work.

buying the drugs isn't the problem. Not sleeping on a bench IS.

not happening. Welcome to real life, kid.

That will be a big fat NOOOOO from me!

Have you seen that film Taken?

Absolutely not.

Not until she is 18

sorry was thinking of mine!

I always think about how responsible I'd feel if something went wrong.

In this case if my DD was eighteen and overseas and got into a bad situation then I'd be able to understand that she had to be given her freedom at some point and I shouldn't feel responsible. At 15 or 16 and maybe even 17, if something went wrong I would definitely feel I'd abdicated my responsibility and the guilt would be overwhelming.

So my decisions usually depend on my hypothetical reactions.

OP I know Holland well and in Amsterdam she would have no problem at all getting served in coffee shops and bars

I I have 15yo DD as well. She's very sensible but it'd be a big fat no from me as well

Jesus I am the world most laid back parent but not in a million years would I know any parent allow an underage child on a girls holiday.

Am quite shocked the other parents said yes.

Dss had gap years at 18 and had various adventures including being mugged, shot at in a Thailand revolution and loosing a passport.

And Ansterdam!!! Ffs

My dds are 14 and 15 and this makes me go cold with fear.

Definitely not! Not until they're 18.

And if she's going through a defiant teenage stompy phase, fgs hide her passport just in case!

I will if it comes down to it Kindle. Update : apparently this dad has told the girl his DD that she can bring a friend, his DD moaned and begged him to put all four of them up. He's caved in and told his DD that she can bring 2 friends maximum. So, this girl (his DD) has to choose which one of them can't go. Unless one volunteers not to go.

Well, I guess you've solved that problem for her then.

Hmmm see my Dad allowed me to go on day trips to France from that age, but abroad with friends? Not until I was 17.

I think 15 is too young and also not sure where you would stand legally in terms of travel insurance (no adults present?) and also how the law stands in Holland in terms of her being a child and not being looked after by an adult?

It's all a bit much at 15 - so if it were my daughter (who probably will ask me the same thing in a few years!) the answer would be no.

However, I would try and offer her some sort of alternative (not that I can think of one)!

NO! I have personal experience of this.

When i was 15, me and 3 other friends my age were allowed to go on a 6th form art trip to New York. We were mostly going round in big groups to museums etc with teachers, but for two of the afternoons we were allowed to go off by ourselves and explore the city.

We decided to find a certain shop. We got very lost and ended up asking two business man types where it was. They seemed really friendly and said 'oh it's up this way'. They started to walk with us to what we thought was the end of the (very busy) block and chatted. All of a sudden they turned down an alley and said 'oh you don't want to go to that shop, go to this shop, it's just up here' and it all got a bit sinister. We turned and ran, it really scared us all.

I was very streetwise and sensible, i used to go up to london by myself most weekends to meet friends. However, on this occasion we were all far too trusting without realising it, and it turned into an unsafe situation SO quickly.

I realise this could happen in any country, but it's just so far away, i'd want to be able to get to my children quickly if something happened.

Meant to say as well, being a way by ourselves made us feel 'untouchable'. This, mixed with being in a city we didn't know made for a bad situation.

Another MNetter saying absofuckinglutely not!

A very large NO from me Sour. in Brian Blessed's voice.
.

I've been told that they're intending to go to this massive adventure park place with ridiculously frightening rides. Swimming and watching the one of the girls cousin play in the Dutch Under 16's basketball final, (or something like that). It all sounds rather wholesome. But I'm still vague on the details.. One of the Mum's I just spoke to laughed and told me not to worry, when i mentioned live sex shows and skunk weed etc. But if DD is going to their house and getting this kind of relaxed attitude from the other girls Mum then what chance do I have?

My mum said no to a group of us going to Newquay at that age. In hindsight I should probably have pitched for Amsterdam and compromised with Cornwall

Stay firm, sour.

You've said no, that's the end of it.

You have most of mnet behind you.

Don't care if it's Amsterdam or Bognor the answer would be the same - NO , end of conversation.

Such request would be met with a huge laugh, or a NO in Darth Vader's voice.
Regardless of father or whatever.

Stick to your guns.