to ask mums of toddlers not to use screens in places that aren't appropriate.

[getoffmybramblepatch]

I went out for a meal with dh yesterday without our children. We do take them out for meals often and our 20 month old is usually really well behaved because he has been taught to be. If he ever does get impatient we just talk to him at a level appropriate for the dinner table and maybe give him some colouring in to do or have a game of I spy.
either way, we try to communicate with him to keep him calm and we'll behaved at all times, for our own sanity as much as everyone else's.

Yesterday we were enjoying our child free meal until a family arrived at a table on the other side of the room and a child of about the same age wouldn't settle. Nothing was said to this child.. No discipline, no chat, the first line to come from mum and dad was "here, watch pepper pig". Out comes the tablet and on comes pepper pig so loud to the point where I can't hear myself think. It would have been quieter if we had stayed at home with our dc and this is usually a nice place.
I've seen it happen a lot lately, and pepper pig seems to be programme of choice. Aibu to think that I don't give a toss about the rod you are making for your own backs, but to let these parents know how irritating it is when this is your first resort in places that have etiquette?

Ds was very placid at 20 months. He isn't now.

My son couldn't talk at 20 months so tbh there was no way he could have played I spy. My daughter could talk, and was happy to engage with us and chat. I know in the example you give OP, you're talking about watching a cartoon, but when my son plays on the phone or tablet he quite often is doing something creative, in the form of drawing. I don't understand why drawing on a screen is seen as 'plugging a child in' whilst drawing on paper is 'expressive'.

I'm going to go against the grain and say that mostly YANBU. But I knew you'd get flamed be a use on MN if you make any sort of comment about iPads beig chucked at kids with no attempt to actually bother talking to them then you are a 'Bad person' or a troll.

Maybe the mother was a Mumsnetter and the child was enjoying the mythical 'strict 5 minute limit of educational games on the iPad' that apparently all MN kids are allowed

Meh I don't know, I have never given DS a phone/iPad to play with in a restaurant or pub because I didn't want to then go down the road of him always then just expecting it when we were out. However, dd is 10 months and already to be proving quite, ummm, different in the behaviour stakes, so I may well be plugging her into the iPad when we are out very soon.......

Although I did at the playing I spy with a 20 month old!

You aren't my best friend OP because that sounds exactly like something she'd say. Right down to the deliberate misspelling 'pepper' even though I've corrected you a few times!

So how do you play I spy with a 20 month old? Genuine question. Because I can't imagine playing it without knowing at least the basics of phonics and sounding out words, which is an unusual talent in a one year old.

Ds loves Peppa. He doesn't watch it for stimulation but to calm himself. Something familiar and safe when other things are unpredictable.

Who, in this kind of situation, doesn't simply ask the staff to speak to the other customers about the volume, then live and let live?

Why always so so judgey on here?
I'm not judging those people for what they were doing on said ipad. no I don't think there's anything wrong with colouring in on an ipad. I just thought a comparison of a TV programme to crayons was a bit . I'm likely not to notice a child has a screen if there's no big fuss/noise about it. How do you play I spy with a one year old? dumb it down to their level. I spy something red, I spy something that looks like a circle, I spy something green. I spy something spotty ect. No it might not have phonics in but it's the same thing I imagine lots of people do waiting for dinner.

I do agree that the volume should not have been turned up but you still haven't explained how you can play I spy with a 20 month old. Surely they have to have at least a basic understanding of spelling for that.

Of course kids are capable of stimulating themselves. The problem is that the ways they choose won't always be appropriate in public either. My son can be quite loud when he is being imaginative and I can't see other diners appreciating all his animal noises etc. My friend's son used to amuse himself when he was bored as a toddler by putting his hand down the front of his nappy and having a good old tug, even in public. She would have given him 10 iPads to play with at once if it would have distracted him from that method of relieving boredom

Cross posted. I still can't see that version working for most 30 month olds. Props Pig with the sound turned down would be preferable.

Aaargh. 20 months!!

Oh FFS Peppa!!!

Hahahahaha, that's dumbing I spy down?
Wow. My nearly 4yo would cope ok with that version, my almost 2 yo? Not a chance! He has maybe a handful of words and definitely doesn't know any colours or shapes, hell "point to the car" is a challenge
Oh he isn't "slow" or anything, he's hitting his milestones. If your one year old knows colours and shapes then they're clearly a child genius!

Why didn't you ask the other family to turn the volume down, instead of PA moaning about it later?

Trouble is, you are in a public place- you can't control what other people do , assuming it is within the law. If you wanted complete peace & quiet on your terms then the best place for a meal is your own dining table.

You say that the parents went straight to the tablet without trying anything else, but I am sorry you simply don't know that- the crayons & I-spy could have already been exhausted during a long car journey to the restaurant.

I second what someone upthread said- someone playing I-spy on the next table would have been just as annoying for me. After a while I probably would be tempted to shout- 'It's the bloody plate, FFS' at the annoying parents cooing and saying, 'come on PFB , I-spy something white and round and it's right in front of you' for the twentieth time. But I wouldn't, because I show tolerance for other people. I certainly would not have started a thread on here about it either. YABU.

I don't think YABU about the volume. If anybody wants sound on device in public they should use headphones, regardless of their age. People would have a problem if it was a teen with their music blasting out.

We never had iPads and smartphones when our DC were little and we were lucky in that they were very well behaved when we ate out. I do think that a lot of people are becoming too reliant on tablets and phones to keep their children entertained.

The parents may well have been thinking far ahead. If we expect to eat out, screen time is severely restricted beforehand. He only gets so much per day. It's not that he wouldn't behave any other way, it's that it was iron-clad good behaviour. Why go through the cajoling with crayons and little cars, and things falling on the floor, and the escalation of frustration before eventually bringing out the big guns? All of that fussing about is just as irritating to those nearby as the volume button you suffered.

And if the volume was the problem, why bring in all the judginess about the timing of use of the tablet, the lack of any other distraction and the smugness about your own child's behaviour? Be concise and leave no opening for rebound judgement.

The screen isn't the issue, different strokes for different folks.

They should have used earphones.

People should enjoy their time with their own family and stop sitting in judgement of others.

I agree about the volume. Low volume or heaphones required.

But did you ask the parents or staff to turn it down?

And you do sound like you would be judgemental even if the sound had been reasonable. For that YABU. For all you know the parents might have been actively engaged with the toddler all day and needed a break. We have NO access to 'out of hours' childcare, so I have no problem giving DC ipad in public so I can have downtime.

FWIW our DC was model kid in resteraunts - including high-end venues. Then she hit around 4-years old and everything changed. I-spy, I-wish.

Mind you - everyone saying "why didn't you ask them to turn the volume down": it isn't always as easy as that. I'm reasonably confident, yet there's been many a time I've been to intimidated to ask total strangers to turn down their annoying music.

*too