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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to ask mums of toddlers not to use screens in places that aren't appropriate.

266 replies

getoffmybramblepatch · 28/01/2015 07:23

I went out for a meal with dh yesterday without our children. We do take them out for meals often and our 20 month old is usually really well behaved because he has been taught to be. If he ever does get impatient we just talk to him at a level appropriate for the dinner table and maybe give him some colouring in to do or have a game of I spy.
either way, we try to communicate with him to keep him calm and we'll behaved at all times, for our own sanity as much as everyone else's.

Yesterday we were enjoying our child free meal until a family arrived at a table on the other side of the room and a child of about the same age wouldn't settle. Nothing was said to this child.. No discipline, no chat, the first line to come from mum and dad was "here, watch pepper pig". Out comes the tablet and on comes pepper pig so loud to the point where I can't hear myself think. It would have been quieter if we had stayed at home with our dc and this is usually a nice place.
I've seen it happen a lot lately, and pepper pig seems to be programme of choice. Aibu to think that I don't give a toss about the rod you are making for your own backs, but to let these parents know how irritating it is when this is your first resort in places that have etiquette?

OP posts:
Runningupthathill82 · 28/01/2015 07:47

OP, I think you should have offered them some parenting tips. In fact, why not tell us all how you've "taught" your toddler to behave in restaurants?
I, for one, would love to be as perfect as you.
Please feel free to take my DS for a meal out. He was a dream at 20mo. Now, at 27mo, the thrashing begins the minute you politely ask him to sit down.
You have NO IDEA about their lives and are being entirely U to judge them on that one snapshot.

Clarabumps · 28/01/2015 07:47

Providore That bit made me chuckle too! Well done Mummy Pig!

MiaowTheCat · 28/01/2015 07:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Waitingonasunnyday · 28/01/2015 07:48

I quite like Peppa Pig. It's not the worst thing to overhear I suppose.

I'd feel a bit of a fool playing eye spy when people could hear me. It's a bit too 'H is for Hummus' for me.

Annietheacrobat · 28/01/2015 07:49

I thought this was going to be about a funeral not Peppa pig in a cafe.

Ledkr · 28/01/2015 07:49

That's wouldn't have been my toddler then she has her hello kitty headphones for such occasions
Op I'm impressed at your 20 month old, well done you.

LidlMermaid · 28/01/2015 07:51

Here, OP, let me give you a leg up and you can get over yourself.

zippyandbungle · 28/01/2015 07:51

I'm assuming you have one child thus your assumtion you have taught her to behave. Well no, some children are just easier.

Parents of two or three children are very aware that for one toddler a meal out would of been a serene affair with birds and butterflies tweeting around your head.

Equally for another it's a hell on earth experience no matter how well you have 'taught' your child in the very same manner you did your first angel.

Children are people, people are different.

Annietheacrobat · 28/01/2015 07:52

Xylophone I like their style. I might take DD's singing doc mcstuffins microphone.

Argggh two loud talkers have just got on my train. Don't they know the rules!

Original poster
getoffmybramblepatch · 28/01/2015 07:56

Right so you are all being incredibly judgey because I'm far too judgey?
Some of the wildly inaccurate assumptions here are downright judgey against me. It's lovely to know that that kind of retaliation is what mumsnet is about.
Yes, maybe I am deluded, maybe I have taught my children wrongly. Or maybe I'm just on their level and when they are having nightmare days we simply don't eat out. Either way it's never gotten to a point of TV in a restaurant.

OP posts:
harryhausen · 28/01/2015 07:56

The idea that you've got parenting in restaurants cracked at 20 months
GrinGrinGrin.

I have a 10yr old and a 7yr old. When they were toddlers no-one had tablets. We've always taken them to restaurants. We exhausted all the colour in menu etc that they gave us and tiny toys I could carry in my bag. Some days they behaved great, others they were a bloody nightmare!!

fuzzpig · 28/01/2015 07:57

Of course the sound should've been lower

WannaBe · 28/01/2015 07:57

Personally I am not a fan of screens at the dinner table although that's a personal thing not a judgement on what other people do.

But I do take issue with the idea that without ipads/ipods etc children can't be entertained in restaurants somehow and that someone who uses e.g. colouring for their child considers themselves to be perfect parents. We seem to forget that screens never really existed until about ten years ago, and the advance of screen technology hasn't brought with it a sudden surge of children who are better behaved in restaurants.

If anything there is now a far greater proportion of children who spend too much time on screens and whose behavior deteriorates when said screens are removed from them. There are many games out there which are known for their adictive qualities, and this shouldn't be ignored.

If a child can only be entertained with something which involves a screen I would consider that cause for concern. And while ipads etc certainly do have their place they shouldn't be seen as the only source of entertainment, what's wrong with colouring and chat? Engaging with a child at the dinner table rather than getting the ipad out straight away doesn't make someone a smug parent.

EveDallasRetd · 28/01/2015 07:57

I am surprised that a pair of adults going out to dinner child free would choose a child friendly restaurant to eat in - if I'm ever without DD that sort of place would be the last place I'd choose.

Bit silly of OP really.

kungfupannda · 28/01/2015 07:59

Anything that creates a lot of noise is a pretty inappropriate toy for taking out in public. I had a rare child-free cup of tea with a friend yesterday. Unfortunately the two women at the next table had decided that a car with flashing lights and a siren, and a toy computer that played music were the best toys for a cafe. It wouldn't have been so bad if one of the toddlers hadn't spent the entire half hour we were there pressing the same button again and again and again and again...

The screens, however, are none of your business. You have no idea how that family generally operate. You saw them for a short period of time and judged them lacking on the basis of that snapshot.

kungfupannda · 28/01/2015 08:01

Oh, and DS1 was so impeccably behaved in restaurants that we could take him anywhere and he would sit smiling beatifically, using cutlery correctly and saying please and thank you without being prompted.

In retrospect I was probably sat there in a smelly little fog of smug self-satisfaction.

Then DS2 came along. He will apparently starve to death if the food isn't on the table the second he sits down. And the most appropriate way to stave off starvation is to scream and bash things and occasionally lie face-down on the floor and wail.

SoupDragon · 28/01/2015 08:04

  1. how many children do you have,OP? I used to think I'd taught DS1 good manners until I had DS2 and realised it was just that DS1 was a calm child.

  2. why are you blaming only the mothers?

Aeroflotgirl · 28/01/2015 08:05

It's not your views op, you just sound so smug and perfect, which I am sure your not!

MiaowTheCat · 28/01/2015 08:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SophieBarringtonWard · 28/01/2015 08:07

I am actually amazed that people would think it acceptable to give a kid an ipad/phone without turning the volume off/plugging in headphones. Very rude & inconsiderate to "share your noise" like that.

Annietheacrobat · 28/01/2015 08:07

My replies were a little tongue in cheek OP as I do kind of agree. We try to avoid using our tablets when out and about, but sometimes needs must.

You must remember that you haven't a clue what was going on in their lives though and what had happened beforehand.

Your biggest error was not to address the sound issue - either directly or via the waiter.

Surreyblah · 28/01/2015 08:07

Best smug OP have seen for a while Grin

Catsize · 28/01/2015 08:08

OP, you are delightfully naively hilarious.
You sound very like my brother who 'taught' his child X,Y and Z from the time his we very small whilst we had a rebellious and difficult to manage child due to our errant parenting (in his view). This was why his son would sit in a highchair and ours wouldn't etc. Then our sons reached 2 and his turned very difficult, tantrumy and whiney and ours turned into a sociable, charismatic and funny little boy who at 3.3 has had three tantrums ever. Nothing to do with our brilliant parenting, just different children.
Your reaction to my previous post was so precious it is indicative of your overall attitude and made me Hmm and Smile at the same time.

pregnantpause · 28/01/2015 08:08

You don't know if that's the first thing they've tried. They may ,like you , have tried many ways In The past to calm their toddler and settled on the most effective. You say the toddler wasn't unhappy/tantrummning but you are not their parent- their parent will know them better and be attuned to small signs and pre emptive action is always better than post action in the world of toddler.

Dh will be happy to hear he is absolved of parenting judgement though.

NancyRaygun · 28/01/2015 08:11

My first was really well behaved in restaurants - but I did something heinous and pfb with her: I used to get her to lisp her order to the waiter and ask for the bill and stuff thinking it was adorable. I literally preened myself thinking the same as you OP. "its simple to take a child to a restaurant, as long as you can be bothered to engage with them, treat them like adults and include them in the conversation"
I remember being judgey when a friend told me that every night on their holiday they had gone out for a delicious beachside dinner with the toddler in the buggy looking at the i pad.

My second is also really good in cafes. But Together. Oh Together they make waiters weep and other diners glare. Nothing has changed in my approach.

We don't own an i pad (no statement or anything its a financial constraint) but as soon as I got my i phone my god, we used in restaurants. It makes for peace and tranquility and an enjoyable meal for the adults.

It is disingenuous to say a meal out is in anyone BUT the adults interests so why not give them something that entertains them while you enjoy it? If you are really thinking about the child's enjoyment then a restaurant is pretty much last on their wish list!