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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave one month old 'alone' on the train.

154 replies

MrsDutchie · 26/01/2015 14:28

OK Mumsnet jury. I am expecting to be flamed for irresponsible behaviour here. DM didn't have a problem with it so maybe this is a generational thing.

I was travelling alone with one month old dd to visit DM and DF so they could have some quality time with her.

Looking after a newborn is exhausting work and like usual I'd forgotten to eat my lunch and by 5pm after dd's feed I was really hungry and I could feel my blood sugar was really low and I needed something to eat. I asked the train conducted who was operating the tannoy next to my seat if she could keep an eye on dd for one min between station so I could run up the train and grab a sandwich . Dd was sleeping peacefully in pram and I was away for 5 mins.

WIBU unreasonable and putting dd in danger?

OP posts:
BurningBridges · 26/01/2015 17:39

When DD2 was born, we went to the park with DD1 then aged 2. DD2 ran away towards the gate/river/road. I left newborn DD2 with the nearest mother with pram, without her explicit agreement, in a sort of OMFG HELP ME kind of way, and then ran after her (no shoes on). I was out of sight for a while as DD1 ran very very fast (and she did have shoes). I didn't doubt I'd done the right thing as the park was on several levels and I could have not have run after DD1 with the pram.

I know that OP wasn't having an emergency, but I think what she did was safer than what I did.

Catsize · 26/01/2015 17:43

HAS NOBODY SEEN FLIGHT PLAN?!?
[hands gripping hair and distressed face emoticon]
Bit like this Shock
But with hair.
You were not unreasonable at all op. Some people on here are a bit Hmm

Nicknacky · 26/01/2015 17:46

Callaird Are you going in holiday any time soon? Can you give me your flight information and seat number so I know where I'm going my next holiday? Ta!

Callaird · 26/01/2015 18:02

Nicknacky I'm going to Switzerland in two weeks! However it'll be on a private jet sorry!

I have taken flights with families to help them out for the cost of the flight! I then book myself into a nice hotel for a few days or stay somewhere for the time they are travelling and fly back with them.

I've been to Canada. Australia, Hong kong for free at least a dozen times! And a few short haul to fly kids out to granny's for the holiday!

Nicknacky · 26/01/2015 18:11

You sound amazing! So parents can hire you to do the hard work on a flight? Why have I never heard of this before?!

Or alternatively, I wouldn't mind that as a job but only if I could fly to certain countries! I could cope with that for a paid jaunt to the Carribean!

WowserBowser · 26/01/2015 18:11

Grin Catsize

DamsonInDistress · 26/01/2015 18:16

I've posted already up thread, and whilst I can't articulate exactly why, and I do recognise that it's somewhat irrational, but for me it's the age and distance involved.

I do think there are some incredible double standards in general on this thread though, every similar thread I've ever seen in the past has resulted in the OP being not just lightly 'flame grilled' but absolutely charcoaled!

LittleBearPad · 26/01/2015 18:20

Sounds like a good plan to me. Ywnnu

Nanny0gg · 26/01/2015 18:22

Don't see a problem myself.

Though as a granny, I'd have been thrilled to be asked as well.

Cornonthecob · 26/01/2015 18:24

I wouldn't have done that in a million years but that's me....

Marmiteandjamislush · 26/01/2015 18:32

YANBU, there is only a finite amount of space on a train, where could she have gone to. I do however think that times like this make family carriages on trains very appealing, lots of space for prams, buggies, ect. Wide aisle for toddling, playing and a refreshment cart, own loo in carriage and lots of other parents/ caregivers to keep and eye.

laughingmyarseoff · 26/01/2015 19:10

YANBU. I've happily held someone's lo while she quickly rushed a soiled toddler into the bathroom, I expect my longing looks at the baby probably convinced mum I'd be up for snuggles!

kawliga · 26/01/2015 19:34

a baby eating murderer in their spare time Grin

I feel sad for people who don't trust strangers. Strangers are the people who will save your life one day when you're in danger.

Minty82 · 26/01/2015 19:41

Totally sensible thing to do as far as I can see. I did something similar the other day - we were queuing to pay in our small local Morrisons and toddler DD announced she needed a wee. I asked the checkout staff if there was a loo she could use, she checked with the manager who ushered us off to the staff loo, while the checkout woman scanned and bagged my shopping AND kept an eye on baby DS who was asleep in the buggy! I did feel a bit cheeky but it was a lot easier than trying to squeeze him in with us.
My dad was queuing for an exhibition at the National Gallery a couple of years ago when a woman in front of him asked him to hold her baby while she went to the loo! He was perfectly happy but slightly nervous she might not come back!

Dutch1e · 26/01/2015 19:52

I can't believe this is even a thread. I also misread the OP as having nipped to the kiosk and still thought it very sensible. Train's not going anywhere with the senior conductor watching over baby for 5 minutes is it?

This isn't a case of offloading 6 rowdy kids on a stranger while you go away for the weekend. It's avoiding the whining threads about that rude woman on the train barging her buggy through the seats and whacking people's elbows because she thought she could, you know, eat. Like some kind of Lady Muck. Hmm

I think a lot of parents lives would be much easier if we remembered what neighbourliness is.

anothernumberone · 26/01/2015 19:58

I know of people who used to go surfing and leave their baby with some random other surfer unknown to them. I was childless at the time and still thought a common interest in surfing did not make someone suitable babysitter.

However the train conductor presumably in uniform and working at the time is a completely different story. Sure how would he check tickets if he ran off with the baby. He would be pretty identifiable running down the platform in uniform with a baby buggy.

CatsClaus · 26/01/2015 20:00

my parents used to travel on the overnight sleeper, and day trains from farthest scotland to manchester and beyond...most journeys had me and on occasion other babies, in our carry cots, in the Guard's Van

my ma said the guard would come get them in the event of any crying.

Patsyandeddie · 26/01/2015 20:10

There are some total neurotics on here, of course it was fine! This country has become a joke with its obsession with paedophilia and abduction!

SabrinaMulhollandJjones · 26/01/2015 20:13

I'm always up for holding stranger's babies if they need to nip and do something - and I have one of those trustworthy faces that strangers seem to always talk to me!

I don't think you did anything wrong OP - you didn't leave baby alone, you left her with the conductor for a few minutes. I remember the low-blood-sugar-need-food/drink-now-shakes from breastfeeding well. YWNBU.

ChippingInLatteLover · 26/01/2015 20:24

Oh how times have changed. Sad really.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 26/01/2015 20:25

I'd have done the same. Although I do tend to stuff a rucksack full of drinks and snacks so it would have been a toilet stop for me Grin

glittershoes · 26/01/2015 20:52

Definitely not unreasonable, as everyone else has said, where on earth could they have gone to on a moving train?

And, in early 1986, my parents left 18 month old me with 'a nice old lady they meant on the coach to the dock' while they took a trip on a boat around Niagara Falls. We were on holiday at the time. Yes, they pretty much popped to Canada leaving British me in the USA with a woman they had met only an hour before.

Original poster
MrsDutchie · 26/01/2015 21:56

Glad there's several folk that agree with me. I subscribe to my Mum's school of parenting for sure and don't want dd to get panicky.

OP posts:
Bonbonbonbon · 26/01/2015 22:12

I think YWNBU, but I might have asked someone to go fetch me a snack instead. But no harm done. Definitely recommend keeping snacks, water and sling with you just in case.

slithytove · 27/01/2015 00:14

YANBU