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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to leave one month old 'alone' on the train.

154 replies

MrsDutchie · 26/01/2015 14:28

OK Mumsnet jury. I am expecting to be flamed for irresponsible behaviour here. DM didn't have a problem with it so maybe this is a generational thing.

I was travelling alone with one month old dd to visit DM and DF so they could have some quality time with her.

Looking after a newborn is exhausting work and like usual I'd forgotten to eat my lunch and by 5pm after dd's feed I was really hungry and I could feel my blood sugar was really low and I needed something to eat. I asked the train conducted who was operating the tannoy next to my seat if she could keep an eye on dd for one min between station so I could run up the train and grab a sandwich . Dd was sleeping peacefully in pram and I was away for 5 mins.

WIBU unreasonable and putting dd in danger?

OP posts:
JockTamsonsBairns · 26/01/2015 15:00

For folk who wouldn't think this is ok, what is the actual worse case scenario that could happen? Confused

Primadonnagirl · 26/01/2015 15:02

I looooove being asked to look after people's babies..huge honour. What's happened to that "It takes a village to raise a child " mentality? There was minimal risk here.

CornChips · 26/01/2015 15:03

I think you were fine, but equally am not sure I could have done it.... mind you, I have done something when DS was 18 months I cannot believe now... we went to a wedding held in a hotel and had DS sleeping on his own in the hotel room while we went to the reception the floor below with his baby monitor.
i felt okay at the time and have had cold sweats about it in the years since!!!!

But, you left your child with a member of staff while you went to the loo.... that probably really IS fine!!!!

pbwer · 26/01/2015 15:07

YABU

The conductor/Guards job is to safeguard everyone on the train. In the case of an emergency he would have had a job to do which wouldn't have necessarily included looking after your child because you were peckish

Flingmoo · 26/01/2015 15:10

YANBU and anyone who says otherwise is BVU!

Reminds me of the time a couple of months ago I left my 5 month old with four random friendly pensioners in Sainsburys cafe who begged me to let them look after him while I ran over to the serving counter to order myself some food under similar 'must feed myself asap or I'll keel over and pass out' circumstances! They saw me struggling and were all "go on, get your sandwich and we'll watch him, we've got 17 grandchildren between us!" etc.

If I turned round, I could still see him, but I still felt like it's not the done thing, despite being entirely confident that they were not mad axe murdering paedophiles!

It's funny when you watch Call the Midwife and they all leave their babies in prams outside their houses or the shops. I think they do this in some Scandinavian countries too? We're all so paranoid here these days aren't we.

Johnogroats · 26/01/2015 15:12

I would have done the same thing.

When DS1 was 6mo, we flew to Singapore. He was in the bassinet thing, and I was desperate for the loo. No stewardesses around, but all the rugby blokes around me said they'd keep an eye on him. He survived! We also used the hotel babysitter (presumably vetted, but I have no idea!) and elsewhere have done what CornChips did.

TheCountessofFitzdotterel · 26/01/2015 15:14

YANBU at all.

The poster who said in your shoes they would have asked the conductor or someone else to get them something from the buffet rather than leave the baby, really? I can imagine the posts it would generate on here if you asked if you were unreasonable to do that, and I think the word 'entitled' would appear more than once, because it seems to me it's just a much bigger favour to ask someone to go to the buffet for you than to watch a sleeping child in a situation where it's highly unlikely anything would happen.

WiiUnfit · 26/01/2015 15:14

YANBU, what use would you have been to DD had you have fainted? Sounds like you're doing a grand job. Smile

MollieCoddler · 26/01/2015 15:14

Yanbu. I have travelled with all my newborns on trains and just gone to the toilet or buffet when baby was asleep. I didn't even always ask someone to watch them. It can be an hour or more between stations. What's the worst that can happen?
Carrying a baby in a car seat on a moving train to the toilet or buffet is probably more risky in terms of dropping, bashing, spilling hot drinks etc, also poor hygiene if toilet, and would be very likely to wake them which is bad news for everyone in the carriage!
Nominated minders are also likely to wake baby if they are overly involved hence my tendency to do a flit but come back very rapidly.

Ragwort · 26/01/2015 15:15

Corn - we did similar when our DS was considerably younger and we didn't even have a monitor. I also used to leave DS outside shops in his buggy. And on his own when I went to the end of the road to post a letter but I know all those sorts of things are considered 'child abuse' on mumsnet Hmm.

I appreciate horrible things can happen but the reality is that you are probably more likely to both be involved in a train crash rather than your baby be abducted whilst you run to the buffet.

DreamingofSummer · 26/01/2015 15:18

Holy shit - there are some judgeMENTAL people on this thread

SophieBarringtonWard · 26/01/2015 15:21

Good grief, YANBU.

CornChips · 26/01/2015 15:22

Oh I know Ragwort, at the time it never occurred to me it might be considered any sort of issue...it was the first time we had been out since he was born! And i checked with the hotel that we could be seated where a baby monitor could be heard... they said it happens all the time. In the 3 years since though I have read so many MN threads about it, that it made me think 'Um, oh shit, what if something happened?'

MN makes me double guess EVERYTHIng nowadays!

slightlyglitterstained · 26/01/2015 15:25

Thought OP was going to be about getting off the train! Don't see why the scenario described should be at all controversial.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/01/2015 15:26

i would be wary to leave your child with a stranger, tho one in uniform and works for BR is better then a stranger from the public iyswim - personally would have taken child with me but under the circumstances you did the best you could have done to keep your baby safe

next time always have snacks in bag, or ask someone to go and get something from trolley

MollieCoddler · 26/01/2015 15:28

Actually this reminds me of the time I was on a train with my baby in a pram when a rather humourless looking woman came on and gruffly asked me to hold her baby whilst she got her luggage. She then proceeded to get off the train and faff about on the platform as I cuddled her rather adorable baby. I was very relieved when she returned I have to say!

SlicedAndDiced · 26/01/2015 15:31

Oh wow I've also been promptly handed a squirming baby on the train.

Poor woman really needed the loo.

I don't think it had even registered to her that I hadn't said yes and was just gawping at her when she ran to the loo.

I was very young, and very scared of babies Grin

He did smile at me a lot though all the way home.

Thumbwitch · 26/01/2015 15:32

Since you left her under the eye of a member of staff, no, YWNBU.

But had you left her completely alone, then yes, that WBU and foolhardy.

firesidechat · 26/01/2015 15:34

The only thing that would worry me about this was what if the conductor was needed elsewhere. Looking after your baby wasn't really part of his job description and something may have happened to take him elsewhere. Not a risk I would take and I'm quite surprised that he agreed.

Thumbwitch · 26/01/2015 15:34

Mamushka - yes, but then there is that episode of Call the MW where one of the babies is stolen from its pram...

Charlie97 · 26/01/2015 15:35

YWNBU, what on earth could people think would happen, really what do people think could've happened?

firesidechat · 26/01/2015 15:38

Probably nothing would have happened and I've taken calculated risks before. Just not sure that this would be one of them.

Not saying that the op is right or wrong because we all have to get through in our own way.

railwayworker · 26/01/2015 15:41

I've watched many babies/children/dogs while someone nips to the loo. Yes my job is the safety of everyone on the train but the chances of something happening which requires my immediate attention in the 2 mins the parent has nipped to the loo are so insignificant as to be not worth worrying about. I am happy to say it's a bad time if we're approaching a station or similar and that I'll pop back.

I try not to have dogs on my lap for the fur-on-uniform reason and I am very reluctant to actually hold a child, partly (but not solely) because of some of the attitudes displayed here.

I don't think you were BU at all.

TooHasty · 26/01/2015 15:41

well how is a snatcher going to an exit a moving train with a baby? Of course YWNBU

Stealthpolarbear · 26/01/2015 15:44

In fairness if you're on a large train with say 12 carriages there would be plent of places to disappear to