To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

Best wedding thread in ages!

She's a friend you've drifted along with for the past 20 odd years. Personally I'd call time. That's a lot of money!

She has a real cheek and tbh the other Bridesmaids sound cut from the same cloth or very, very weak if they accept this as right. I find it outrageous that she's paid for nothing- no dress, shoes, hair, definitely not how it's done from where I'm from- but then to demand more is ludicrous.

I'd say no and that you were bringing some bubbly, the other sensible BM should do the same. I'd also agree to write a short letter.

My BMs got me a bottle of bubbly and a Greggs the night before, I was really pleased and thankful of that, never even expected it. Demanding that, more, or gifts never occurred to me.

What in the hell is marryoke!?

This 5 day hen business makes my pub crawl look a bit pedestrian.

Jackie, I thought the same. I want to be there!!!

There is so much wrong with this arrangement that I can't understand why you haven't pulled her up on it already. Why haven't you?

I googled Marryoke. It appears to be where you and yr guests mime along to a song and it's all edited together with wedding footage to make a video.

In the words of the now defunct News of the World - STOP THIS SICK STUNT.

I am in Bridezilla heaven here, I just can't help enjoying how barmy some brides get. Sorry OP, I am no help! You need to tell her No No No...I mean, who says 'I will have ALL MY STUFF from you to open'...also dying with laughter at the prospect of a stage managed spontanous display of love a la Richard Curtis.

Gok, without wanting to derail, initially we were all a tad bemused at her face of thunder, then a few hours later at the cocktail place she started to cry and said that she imagined all her friends would go 'the extra mile' for her hen party and no one had really given her any surprises, and that she was expecting 'tasteful gifts like Smythson notebooks or personalised prints' and thats why she wanted afternoon tea so we could do a gift exchange ahead of going out....blah blah. I am not her bestie these days, her bridesmaids cooed around her, promising that they will make it up to her. I downed my vino and thanked my stars that I wasn't in the wedding party

There's no doubt the bride has been blinkered and grabby.

But my advice is to take yourself away from this thread and avoid starting others on this wedding as you are whipping yourself up into a frenzy (as are posters who admit they love getting riled by a wedding/bridezilla thread!) and will just make you angrier and angrier.

You're an adult with your own mind and own opinions. Want to ditch the wedding? Ok do it. Think she's just about worth all of this crap? Fine go along. Not moving on the £45? Great, stick to your guns.

Then live with that decision and stop it taking up so much of your head space!

I am feeling really old and out of touch as :

• I've no idea what marryoke is;
• I wouldn't have thought of giving hen night presents;

and I've never heard of 'night before the wedding' presents.

Admittedly all my friends/relatives are married and it'll be the weddings of nephews/my children/friends' children next.

What is marryoke? This woman sounds horrendous - why are you even friends with her?

Thanks so much for telling me Queen! Bloody hell! Just unbelievable!

Well I think Yabu.
She has been a good friend for 20+ years. I think you should push the boat out for her.

Not really. What's the betting her goody bags to you contain a tenners worth of tat, tops?

Bears I hadn't heard of it, but it's as soup says. The videographer films the guests singing along to a song at different parts of the day and puts it all together. The definition of corny.

I don't think the Love Actually thing is actually happening. I was charged with arranging it with the groom and have done bollocks all about it, and don't intend to either.

Fabulous it sounds like your daughter had a lucky escape! drbonnie I know that her plan is to try for kids straight after the wedding, so that'll be something to keep them together when the five years of organising a wedding finally finishes.

Hang on, clearly I'm going about being a bride all wrong! I'm buying the dresses, the shoes and paying for the hen do activities. The only thing I'm asking my bridesmaids to pay for is their own hair and makeup and I've stressed that they don't have to have it done if they don't want to!

I worry about what she's going to fill her life with after the wedding.

Divorce proceedings.

Real life is going to seem very dull for her after this. The ickle pwincess.

We wed 10 years ago. My dress cost £200 and was bought 2 weeks before the wedding. My bridesmaid's (there was 1) came from monsoon in the sale and was £40. She wore the first pair of shoes I bought her out so I bought her another (£45 per pair). I paid for her hair, we both did our own makeup.

I had 2 hen nights - I worked away from home so one in each city. 2 nights out including happy hour and a meal for whoever wanted to come. I paid for bridesmaid and I to have a city break a couple of weeks before the wedding and a
couple of spa treatments each.

Night before the wedding I got to her house at about 10pm with 2 portions of fish and chips. Quick bath and bed and over to my parents' house to get ready.

Where the fuck do other brides get off spending other people's money????

Completely wrong Lady. Best way to do it is to just demand money and time from people over a number of years.

I'm in the US, and it's typical for a bridesmaid to buy her own dress/shoes here, so that isn't so shocking to me. But the gift bag thing is crazy. Here, the bride and groom give the bridesmaids and groomsmen gifts, to thank them for their participation in the wedding.

OP, I would arrange the Love Actually thing, but in the true way it was in the movie; have the groom's best friend hold up signs about how he feels about her.

What is it about weddings that makes some people completely lose all sense of perspective and reason?

I think its sad too. She's so wrapped up in the experience that married life is bound to be a big disappointment.

Maryoke makes me want to end it all.

Iwantacampervan sometimes it feels good to be older .If someone asked me to be their bridesmaid nowadays I'd probably just decline, because I honestly couldn't see myself going along with this kind of crap. Though hopefully most brides aren't like this. (I'm sure most mumsnet brides aren't )
I remember seeing a wedding programme on tv where one bride was boasting about being demanding , and another boasted about going over budget. It reminds me of that.

Blimey Op in the nicest possible way you and the other bridesmaids are real carpets to be honest.

It's incredulous ....

From kitting yourself out in gear of her choice.... 200 hotel bill and now a load of tack and gifts to order of Queen B's choice....

Come on now Op

A word with yourself