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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another rant about friend's wedding

507 replies

cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 16:19

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

OP posts:
rookiemere · 26/01/2015 19:06

Do you know the thing I'm puzzling over - it's the £50 manicures.

I get that the bride wants the BMs to have lovely hair dos and make up ( and should be prepared to pay for that herself) but really in what universe is anyone going to be looking at the BMs nails ( particularly if they spend their time gasping about the bride)?

At what point would you stop and say, gosh I shouldn't expect my BMs to pay £50 for a manicure, on top of their dresses, shoes, make up and hair ( which is excessive anyway, I pay £25 tops for one of those lasting ones) as it does not matter ?

I think the B2B has got a deal where she gets her hair, make up and nails done for free if the 6 BMs pay. Wouldn't suprise me as she appears to have more front than Brighton.

LineRunner · 26/01/2015 19:11

I've realised I don't see the point of bridesmaids anyway.

MadamG · 26/01/2015 19:31

In the months before my wedding I was fed up of people always asking or wanting to talk about it - it was boring and tedious. I can't understand the brides attitude. She needs help.

DareGreatly · 26/01/2015 19:45

Me too MadamG. I mean - it was nice they were asking and all, but I really didn't have that much to say on the topic after the main issues covered the first time .

Lweji · 26/01/2015 19:49

It's not a £50 manicure
It's the bloody make up. I'd want gold dust on my face for that price.

Nails – 20
Hair – 30
Make up – 60

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 26/01/2015 19:52

Oh my good sweet Lord this woman is batshit crazy.

I don't know how you are hanging in there OP. Good luck with it all.

LineRunner · 26/01/2015 19:57

The think the OP went down the path of least resistance for too long.

Damnautocorrect · 26/01/2015 20:05

I loved that him and her, when i saw the 'bride' on something else i couldn't even look at her because she had been so vile to her sister in that. Fantastic program. Perhaps the OP could send a copy of that special to her bridezilla? I think having a gentle word is only going to cause a big bust up where the OP is told she's only jealous and trying to ruin the big day.
Is there anyway someone could say something to her groom? It might be better coming from him?

YellowTulips · 26/01/2015 20:20

Just read the thread and can't decide whose most batshit crazy....the bride for being so grabby and self absorbed or all 6 bridesmaids for enabling her.

I paid for everything (dress, shoes, hair, accommodation and a thank you Tiffany necklace) for my BM's. I could afford to as I only had two. I didn't have a whole fucking entourage and expect them to self fund.

One of the best parts of hitting my 40's is the days of being a BM are officially over. No more fru fru ill fitting dresses in washed out colours and crap (crease ridden) fabrics that make you look like a corpse - staring sadly at the other email guests looking chic and elegant in lovely outfits....Grin

Back2Two · 26/01/2015 20:24

This reply has been withdrawn

This post has been withdrawn due to privacy concerns

AndHarry · 26/01/2015 20:55

I'd back out if I could, with plenty of gushing about how terrible I felt about letting her down, having a good cry on her shoulder that I just didn't have the money, etc. She would look back on that and cringe maybe :o

JesusInTheCabbageVan · 26/01/2015 21:07

Sorry, unashamed place marking Grin

Didactylos · 26/01/2015 21:32

gasp as she walks up the aisle?
more like yawn , i bet the dress is another off white strapless floorlength wedding dress, worn with veil/tiara of some species

unless she has a lobster on her head or something shes probably getting a few sentimental 'aww' and 'isnt she pretty' from the crowd

(dont suggest the lobster by the way - she will probably ask you to buy it for her and you wont be able to get away with a few cheap langoustines....)

deste · 26/01/2015 21:52

My DD is getting married in a few weeks time. All it has cost her bridesmaids is the cost of the hen party, £175.00 which was a weekend away, all food, alcohol, facial or hair appointment, pjs. Even breakfast was accommodated. She has paid for the dresses, shoes, hair and makeup and bought them gifts.
She has said that after the weekend that she had a great time but didn't like to be the centre of attention and is now dreading walking up the isle because people will be looking at her. She hasn't asked for anything and won't expect anything, in fact she would be embarrassed if her bridesmaids were put in an unreasonable financial position.

thenightsky · 26/01/2015 22:44

She wants the photographer to capture the bridesmaids' expressions when she gets out of the car?

practice this face

Bogeyface · 26/01/2015 23:46

Or this one...

To have another rant about friend's wedding
Bogeyface · 26/01/2015 23:49

She is going to end up clinically insane if she puts this much thought into a day that is eleven months away?

I think that ship sailed about 3.5 years ago.........

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 26/01/2015 23:59

This would get gasps when she walks down the aisle. Grin

To have another rant about friend's wedding
MumsyFoxy · 27/01/2015 02:13

I bet:
She's 100% gonna have a tiara
she won't throw her flower bouquet at the end of the reception party
she will have a staged, attention-seeking emotional breakdown before the wedding; to create more drama, make BMs feel bad etc
she'll have alienated many others apart from OP.

AnotherGirlsParadise · 27/01/2015 03:00

I... I just don't get it. I'm not a fan of mercenary types anyway, but this one is absolutely, totally, completely taking the piss.

DP and I are hoping to marry this year. I got my lovely, simple Monsoon dress from eBay for £62. My beautiful engagement ring was £39 - some people have sniffed at that, but we don't have much money and DP chose it with love.

It'll be a registry office ceremony with 2 friends as witnesses (I don't like being the centre of attention either, I can't stand being stared at). Wedding night will be spent in our city centre, in the cheap hotel we spent our first night together.

I honestly couldn't imagine anything better, because we're invested in the marriage, not the wedding. We've been through a lot together, namely catastrophic mental illness on my part. DP has seen me at my worst, and has done his very best to struggle on and care for me throughout an illness that will never be cured, and terrifies him. But still he battles on, just for me.

Now I'm reading about a woman who wants photos of her bridesmaids gasping at how beautiful she looks in her meringue dress, making ridiculous demands from everyone, and all I can think is 'Wow. She'll need a psychiatrist for THAT post-wedding comedown.'

happyhats · 27/01/2015 07:33

Thenightsky! That made me laugh. I love a good wedding thread but this is crazy levels of entitlement. There's gestures and showiness without much evidence of genuine love for the groom or the friends I think! Post wedding Blues are going to be EPIC!

PlumpingUpPartridge · 27/01/2015 07:51

OpOp: changing tack slightly, do you think the relationship is actually solid? She wouldn't be the first to focus on a major event in hopes that it'll bolster up the rest of her life.

I remember talking to my ex about our planned wedding and saying 'It's all I've got to look forward to.' Shortly afterwards, I realised how true that was and cancelled/broke up with him.

Another friend spent loads on a wedding in Italy plus UK celebration and split up just over a year later. Again, she'd hoped the wedding would plug all the holes.

From what you've said about them not sleeping together, I suspect something similar with Bridezilla. Maybe go for a coffee and ask how she and STB-Mr Zilla are doing?

anothergenericname · 27/01/2015 07:53

I admit, I did ask BMs to buy their own dresses, but they all had total veto over them and I was happy for them to wear whatever shoes they wanted with the dresses - I didn't even specify 'appropriate' (although they all were).

I sorted hair, makeup, accommodation the night before and after the wedding, meals ditto, paid for dinner out for the 'hen' do (it was just a dinner out near my parents' house followed by crappy chick flicks on a wedding theme and a sleepover), transport to and from the wedding, all drinks at the wedding and gave them each a necklace as a thank you present. I still feel bad years later about asking them to pay for the dresses, but I did check with them that it would be OK when I asked them to be BMs and wouldn't have been offended if they had declined on that basis.

The main thing, though, was that I was trying to think of other peoples' convenience. We organised accommodation for all the groomsmen, too. I think you really really need to say something to this friend of yours, otherwise you are just as bad as her in terms of friendship. If you can't be honest with her then what's the point? However 'lovely' she is normally...

rollonthesummer · 27/01/2015 08:10

I think the B2B has got a deal where she gets her hair, make up and nails done for free if the 6 BMs pay. Wouldn't suprise me as she appears to have more front than Brighton.

Yep-this sounds about right!

I think someone needs to have a real explosion at this girl sometime soon otherwise she is going up get worse and worse. The bridesmaids who are putting up with it are helping no one.

ladymariner · 27/01/2015 08:31

Also agreeing with TedandLola in that quite a few posters have made some quite pointed and spiteful remarks about your friend, OP. Where were you then? I couldn't sit back and let my friend be pulled to pieces just because I was behaving like a dumbstruck turnip myself and refusing to stick up for myself. Bad form. It just is. It's one thing to start a thread - or even multiple threads - to have a rant but it's quite another to do it to present your friend for ridicule by people who 1) don't know her and 2) have no actual investment whatsoever.

I know many posters are really getting off on this thread but the spite kind of spoils it for me.

^^^ This.....well said Lying

And before anyone says that the bride is no friend of the op, well then tell her so. Be a big girl and act properly, not hide behind the Internet to vent your spleen. I agree, the bride is apparently behaving appallingly, but then why is nobody telling her so?