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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have another rant about friend's wedding

507 replies

cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 16:19

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 26/01/2015 11:07

No ones talking about it because they are BORED of it.

Weddings are incredibly boring.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/01/2015 11:09

She is guilt tripping you, and quite sneakily too. I bed the groom is fed up of hearing about the wedding too. Mabey meet her for coffee and print out the costs and show her what it is costing you and each bridesmaid. The bride has asked you to be a Bm, they should be paying for the dress, accessories and shoes. They should not be requesting any gifts from you, how cheeky.

Aeroflotgirl · 26/01/2015 11:11

the bride should also be paying for hair, nails that she expects on the day.

OwlinaTree · 26/01/2015 11:14

I know it's an aside but the bride who was upset that she got meaningful gifts from the hens when she wanted posy expensive crap instead?! Has she no soul?

guinnessgirl · 26/01/2015 11:20

good grief. This whole thing is beyond insane. When I got married (8 years ago, not that long!) I paid for bridesmaid dresses, told my bridesmaids they could wear what they liked on their feet so long as they were presentable and went with the dresses, paid for them to have their hair done, let them get on with their own makeup as they saw fit. Also bought them matching silver jewellery to wear on the day as a gift. I wanted them to be comfortable and allow them some individuality within the 'look' I had imagined. Is that not normal? I am genuinely Shock at the things you've had to pay for yourself, OP. I would absolutely point blank refuse to spend another penny from now on. I'm actually raging on your behalf.

DisappointedOne · 26/01/2015 11:24

I went to a wedding last year that had 20 bridesmaids, 6 flower girls, 12 ushers, 4 page boys and 2 best men!

To my knowledge nobody paid for anything themselves!

ErrolTheHamster · 26/01/2015 11:28

Cathy Your 'friend' is a cheeky cheeky cunt. I'm embarrassed on her behalf. Pull out. Pull out. Pull out!

TedAndLola · 26/01/2015 11:29

This thread makes me really angry. The bride and the bridesmaid enabling her are acting in a ridiculous way, but the OP is behaving even worse. She refuses to stand up for herself and instead comes on the internet to write incredibly catty and mean posts about this woman who is supposed to be her friend. Grow a backbone or stop whining ffs

Only1scoop · 26/01/2015 11:31

Can sadly king of see where Ted is coming from.

Stop enabling her. Let her know you can't invest any further into her show. Gracefully stand back.

bubalou · 26/01/2015 11:35

Completely agree with the person who said we want to know what her being pregnant and having a baby will be like!!!!! ShockShockShock

Oh my god the baby shower expectations - no doubt she will expect doves to fly down and hang flowers on her head whilst a harpist plays gently in the background. Then you all individually bring her giant gifts (from her list of course) as she sits upon a golden throne made specially for the event with her feet being bathed in honey and milk by 2 dwarves dressed as cherubs.

Confused
BitOutOfPractice · 26/01/2015 11:37

I am just aghast at this OP. And cross with bridesmaid1 for putting you in the awkward spot and not backing away

minginjean · 26/01/2015 11:45

Just wow Cathyscarlett!
I love a good bm thread too but this is insane.

My SIL just might top this though.... She was getting married sep 2009, in early jan 2009 she mailed us all to say her hen party was in X costing 250 each and she needed to know numbers and get money collected asap.
Most if not all of us replied saying it was only jan, 9 months before wedding, immediately after Xmas so we didn't really have the money as yet. She said she knew it was early but it needed to be paid for as we were getting a 4 star 2 day package at a great price. The rest of the party slowly replied with a lot of sorry, am broke, can't commit now, will have to bow out but can we do something cheaper closer to your big day. Q mega hissy fit over how little we think of her & why we are making such a big deal of it ??

Found out weeks later through DH brother that they were planning on using all of our 250s to pay deposit to hotel for wedding ??????????

laylaloulou · 26/01/2015 11:53

There is no way in the world that I would be a bridesmaid for this grabby bitch!

I would tell her that you can no longer afford to be her bridesmaid. She will undoubtedly have a spoilt brat hissy fit and fall out with you dramatically but I would actually quite enjoy upsetting her in this way and making sure she doesn't get her own way! After all, she clearly doesn't give a shit about upsetting any of her bridesmaids by making rude, grabby demands.

rollonthesummer · 26/01/2015 11:54

What are you going to reply to her, OP?

You seem quite happy but I don't actually see that any of your problems have been solved?

merrymouse · 26/01/2015 11:55

That is outrageous mingin, but also shows that it is possible just to say "sorry, I can't afford it, how about doing xxx instead" without the world coming to and end (even if the bride has a hissy fit - but then that is her problem).

MistressDeeCee · 26/01/2015 12:05

I agree with TedAndLola

Also - the amount of money being squeezed from you all as bridesmaids is extortionate yet not ONE of you seems to have the guts to simply let the bride know you cannot afford it. That can be done without being confrontational. You're going along with all thats happening so she probably thinks everything is ok. Honestly, life isn't always fair..sometimes what we allow dictates how we are treated. If you can't say no, instead have to come on the internet to vent and have a bunch of strangers tell you what you should do (do you follow advice, since this isn't your 1st thread?) then come the day itself you likely aren't going to feel good at all. Do you even like your friend...?

If you can't face the bride yourself then have another bridesmaid with you when you speak to her. Just make it brief, and clear

Bogeyface · 26/01/2015 12:06

Her day is going to be a "complete disaster" (in her view) and she will always look back on what went wrong, not the happiness of getting married.

How do I know this? Because she is attempting to do what you can never ever do with a wedding and that is control what other people do. You wont pull the right face when you see her dress, there wont be audible gasps (of course there wont, a few "aaaah"s and a few "oh doesnt she look lovely?") because its not like people will be surprised to see her in a wedding dress at her wedding! Someone will wear the wrong thing, speak at the wrong time, the flowers wont be exactly as she envisioned them, the tables wont be set right, no one is actually fucking psychic.........

Everything she is attempting to micromanage is another thing that she is setting herself up to be disappointed by. THAT is why I think you should pull out OP, because chances are you will be one of those things and it will wreck your friendship anyway.

clam · 26/01/2015 12:11

No one's asking her about it because there's no need to, as she's bringing it up all the time herself.

And as for "she doesn't expect anything from anyone. She said she's grateful we're going to be part of her wedding day, she's got us gift bags but she doesn't expect the same to be done for her. She says that yes, she's spent quite a bit on us, but she doesn't mind as she's enjoyed doing it, and for us to just get or not get her whatever we think is right because she doesn't expect anything." Shock Hmm
You don't seriously think she means that, do you? There will be the hissy sulk to end all sulks if you turn up empty-handed!

Please report back!

mix56 · 26/01/2015 12:18

I still agree that it would be worth talking to her, You have known her all your life, she should be able to hear it, if not, clearly she isn't such a close friend after all. Noone is bringing it up because it is over half a year away FGS
But seriously, you already said on previous post that she has lots of money but won't spend it, (printed her invites on your printer etc)
if you are lucky, maybe she will ask you to be godmother !

ArcheryAnnie · 26/01/2015 12:23

The bride should be sorting out a little present for the bridesmaids, not the other way around!

Lweji · 26/01/2015 12:24

Honestly, tell her to fuck forget whatever gifts she has and just pay for your dresses, make up (again £60?, really), shoes, hair, hotel room and hen do. That'll do nicely, thank you.

CharityD · 26/01/2015 12:31

But seriously, you already said on previous post that she has lots of money but won't spend it, (printed her invites on your printer)

I think that was a different poster, not sure though?

DeliciousIrony · 26/01/2015 12:31

Bit of a passive aggressive message from the bride...you wouldn't let on that you'd bought everyone presents at great expense, and that everyone can just 'do what they think is right', if you weren't trying to guilt people into spending!

Still, she has given you the all clear to buy her nothing. Take her at her word.

mix56 · 26/01/2015 12:36

oops sorry !

Cretaceous · 26/01/2015 12:48

I feel a bit sorry for the bride (as well as very sorry for you!). If she and the groom aren't sleeping together, something's very wrong. I think she's sublimating her lack of love for her OH into trying to create the romantic wedding to end all weddings. Ditto allegedly giving the bridesmaid wonderful presents. She's trying to convince herself everything's ok, by creating a fantasy.

If I were you, I'd have a coffee with her and try and discuss that aspect. How does she see life after the wedding? Then you might not have a wedding to go to. Grin What do her parents think?