Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another rant about friend's wedding

507 replies

cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 16:19

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 26/01/2015 13:00

I'm frankly gobsmacked. This is the Zilla to end all Zillas.

Please say you are pulling out, OP.

Damnautocorrect · 26/01/2015 13:08

Imagine the pressure the poor groom will feel on every anniversay

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/01/2015 13:18

Also agreeing with TedandLola in that quite a few posters have made some quite pointed and spiteful remarks about your friend, OP. Where were you then? I couldn't sit back and let my friend be pulled to pieces just because I was behaving like a dumbstruck turnip myself and refusing to stick up for myself. Bad form. It just is. It's one thing to start a thread - or even multiple threads - to have a rant but it's quite another to do it to present your friend for ridicule by people who 1) don't know her and 2) have no actual investment whatsoever.

I know many posters are really getting off on this thread but the spite kind of spoils it for me.

gincamelbak · 26/01/2015 13:23

The link to that groomzilla thread has reminded me about wedding I was bridesmaid for. Six bridesmaids. We had to pay for our own dresses and outfits. Hair and makeup was our own doing. We were ordered to stay at the venue the night before and after. Bride and groom had the whole venue at their disposal for a week, all bedrooms were included in the price. Bride charged £140 a room, around 15 rooms. Found out after that after we left day after wedding, other friends of the bride stayed in our room free of charge. Bride also told me that "of course" she was charging people to stay at the venue, it was a way for them to make costs back.

In addition to all this, there was a lot of "this/that/other RUINED my big day" moments from her. I was absolutely appalled by her behaviour as I'd never seen that side of her before. A few months afterwards I told her, she was taken aback and tbh I don't know if our relationship will properly recover as I don't think she expected me to say anything. I'm sad as we've been friends for so long but I just couldn't believe how she acted.

OP you need to speak to the bride! you not the other BM, and talk over how ridiculous it's all getting. You've another 9 months of this to go, I can on,y imagine it getting worse.

magoria · 26/01/2015 13:33

Is anyone else remembering the baby shower thread where the sister was sending out the list of required presents costing £££ that were being done through her friends company?

The op spoke with her friend who was mortified.

Your friend is taking the piss. she will continue to do so until you put your foot down.

If you put your foot down you will find you never had a real friendship when she throws her toys out the pram and never talks to you again or she will finally see sense.

You are allowing her to spend your hard earned ££ on her day.

DaisyChain87 · 26/01/2015 13:44

I am beyond shocked by this!

I agree with others- you're taking champagne: that's enough!! Just say that you're very sorry, but this was an expense that you haven't budgeted for, and you just can't afford it.

I'm getting married this year and there is NO WAY that I would behave like this. I'm not putting the most important women in my life under stress on a day that they should all be having fun! I've asked them to be my bridesmaids because I love them, not because I want to torture them!

Johnogroats · 26/01/2015 13:48

KayKay's suggestion of a coffee and a serious conversation about what an unpleasant individual she has become is the best one.

mix56 · 26/01/2015 13:51

Of course, you may be accused on or after the day, that you had ruined her wedding day because you failed to comply with bullying poor husband into play the "love actually" game !

krystellie · 26/01/2015 14:55

I've just picked my jaw up from off the floor after reading this thread.

How can the bride be so devoid of reality? Surely she can appreciate that it would be far preferable for her to have paid for your outfit/shoes/hair/make-up... than presenting you with a bag of tat? And has she really already bought presents for her bridesmaids when the wedding isn't until November?!

I'm getting married in August and I'm not having bridesmaids or doing a gift list. Our close friends and family being there is enough - I'd certainly never dream of telling people what they can and cannot do...then charging them for the privilege!

What do the other three bridesmaids feel about all this? Even if they're loaded, surely their patience is starting to wear thin at the seemingly endless stream of expensive demands. Are you good friends with them too? If so, maybe see what their thoughts on the matter are. But regardless, you definitely need to let the bride know how you're feeling before it gets even worse.

WhereYouLeftIt · 26/01/2015 15:03

"Then finishes with 'I'm just getting upset about my wedding because no one is asking me about it unless I bring it up'."

I honestly think it would be a kindness to her if you sat down with her and pointed out that there are another nine months to go before her wedding, and that it has been in the planning "for the past few years". That there is nothing left for anyone to ask about, because you are all totally saturated with it. She has lost sight of real life.

I do now worry for this woman's eventual marriage, because the day after her wedding she will be utterly lost Sad.

PlumpingUpPartridge · 26/01/2015 15:32

Maybe text her something like this:

"Please just think about the day AFTER your wedding for a minute. How do you think you will feel then? Because if you think that you might feel bereft, then you are officially over-invested in your wedding. The marriage is the important part, not the party beforehand."

Then stand back and see if she a) bursts into tears Sad or b) explodes Grin

HazleNutt · 26/01/2015 15:43

She will have you doing a "baby shower", a "hospital survival pack", a "newborn survival mummy pampering pack" - I remember a thread here, where the mum-zilla was very upset, because one friend gave her a present when she saw the baby at the hospital, but no 'welcome home' present.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/01/2015 15:47

Good grief, a welcome present?

I'm clearly not demanding enough, I went to tescos & aldi yesterday and dh didn't get me anything to celebrate my return.

HootyMcTooty · 26/01/2015 15:56

Holy shit, this thread is mind blowing.

Can you turn up on her doorstep and resign as bridesmaid, through the medium of Love Actually style cards? Grin

Aside from being hilariously wrapped up in this wedding nonsense, I actually feel sorry for her. She doesn't have sex with her husband to be, but wants him to fake some sort of confession of love taken from a film. She's also faking her friendships, 6 bridesmaids, expecting presents from all of you, including letters from each of you telling her how much she means to you. Her life is miserable and deep down she knows it and so she's trying to fake it, with everyone.

If you haven't already, you need to watch Him & Her on BBC IPlayer - so many parallels.

Also, how the crap did you all end up being told to buy your own dress, shoes, hair, nails, makeup etc?

Floggingmolly · 26/01/2015 16:01

Letters?? You have to declare how special she is by letter?

Put an end to the bloody nonsense now Hmm

Only1scoop · 26/01/2015 16:07

I must have missed the letter but it's a tad sick inducing to even imagine to be honest....

Op good luck with this if you continue and enjoy scribing that letter.

acatcalledjohn · 26/01/2015 16:47

I'd missed the letter too, but just read back and found that it was part of the goody bag/book idea, which then turned out to have come straight from the bride. "I want you all to write me a letter twilling me how much I mean to you" - self engraciating to say the least, and in my opinion a good chance to point out that she is an utterly selfish cow with severe delusions of grandeur.

I've pushed people away from my direct circle of friends for far less than this sort of behaviour. I can't believe you are willing to spend that much on a wedding which isn't your own. I get that the bride requesting gifts gets your back up, but frankly I can't help but wonder why shelling out a reasonable monthly wage on someone else's wedding isn't getting your back up too. It's a rude and sneaky way of the b2b funding her own wants. Why she can't settle for less is beyond me and I agree with everyone who's said that this marriage will not last with that attitude.

Exactly why have you not spoken to her yet? In fact, show her this thread Grin

SugarMiceInTheRain · 26/01/2015 16:55

I think PlumpingUpPartridge's text idea is a good one. Or say it to her in person when you get together for a coffee. Good luck OP, my jaw has been on the floor reading this, and your previous thread. However good a friend she was, I don't think I could remain friends with someone who displayed such stratospheric levels of self-absorption, not to mention such thoughtlessness as to the impact on her friends' finances of her big day. It's mind blowing.

krystellie · 26/01/2015 17:05

Speaking with her can only improve the situation.

I had to step in once when a close schoolfriend's sister kept emailing us with various ways to spend a ridiculous amount of money on the hen do. She was actually very apologetic about it afterwards and hadn't considered how much people were already shelling out, as she was just focusing on making it as perfect at possible.

acatcalledjohn · 26/01/2015 17:28

I just got home from work and relayed some of the highlights of this bridezilla to my DP. His reaction, other than the Hmm and Shock:

Who does she think she is? The Duchess of Cunt?

Grin
mypoosmellsofroses · 26/01/2015 17:35

The Duchess of Cunt What an awesome username that would be, am very very tempted :)

JenniferGovernment · 26/01/2015 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ubik1 · 26/01/2015 18:29

I just font know how young couples manage to afford such expensive weddings when you look at the scale of debt, house prices, cost of living.

Actually the only people I know who could afford a lavish white wedding were the ones who left school at 16, went into a trade and never piled up the debt at university.

LittleBearPad · 26/01/2015 18:35

Then finishes with 'I'm just getting upset about my wedding because no one is asking me about it unless I bring it up'.

Awesome. Poor deluded fool.

julker · 26/01/2015 18:58

Is it wrong that, having read the whole thread, the thing that I am most bothered about is that its not until November Grin I want to know what is in the amazing goody bags and whether the bride gets her gasps

Swipe left for the next trending thread