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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another rant about friend's wedding

507 replies

cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 16:19

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

OP posts:
weegiemum · 25/01/2015 23:31

The thing about not looking round is so sad.

When we got married, the minister told dh to look around, as he'd never see me like that again.

20 years later, one of the things people still mention is the smile on his face as he watched me walk down the aisle! He regards it as one of the happiest moments of his life.

And this Bridezilla is more interested in him hearing gasps than seeing her walk towards him. It's just so, so selfish and sad! Sad

Everything else is batshit crazy, too!

gincamelbak · 25/01/2015 23:47

Not finished reading the thread...

I was at a wedding and had to get involved in the marryoke. The videographer took four takes of me and DH and we still got it wrong. In the end they just used us swaying a bit.

notnaice · 25/01/2015 23:53

She, or you, should text back "we love giving gifts too but we really can't afford more money to be spent on one day. It's just got too expensive"

JakeShit · 25/01/2015 23:53

Do people seriously stump up this sort of cash for other people's weddings. Confused

Why do some people find it so hard to say no to bridezillas. I'm baffled.

OP. Stop with all the dithering, the texts, the discussions, the drama and just say no. Decide what you want to do and do it. Problem solved.

YonicScrewdriver · 25/01/2015 23:58

Aw that's nice weegie

Lweji · 26/01/2015 00:02

It's not even as if you were the only bridesmaid who are finding her unreasonable!
Just find some courage and tell her what you are prepared to accept and what you are not. If she wants it all to go her way, then she should spend the money to guarantee it. Including your dresses, shoes, make up (£60, really?), hair and nails.
And if she really wants that hen do then she should pay for it too.

I bet when it comes your turn she won't be as generous with her money.

MumsyFoxy · 26/01/2015 00:04

Cathyscarlett, please come to your senses, stop being a non-confrontational doormat! You don't need this ghastly person in your life!

brokenhearted55a · 26/01/2015 00:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LilMissSunshine9 · 26/01/2015 00:18

WTAF how on earth you can even think to spend that much on someone's wedding is unbelievable! I would of stopped a long time ago and rather lose a friendship than continue to pay out because no real friend would do that to you.

There is on friend in the world that would make me even think of spending that amount of money it is insane. Shocking

Bogeyface · 26/01/2015 00:20

I've got presents for everyone, loads of things, I love giving presents so there's no way I'm not going to

I wouldnt worry too much. You will just get a bag of tat that has been "personalised" to say "Bridezillas Bridesmaid!" which you will be expected to wear whenever you dont have your dress on. I suspect....... flip flops, knickers, tshirt, champagne glass, expensive but utterly naff jewellery and pink deely boppers.

Oh and a bill, for her dress, her shoes, her hair and her make up.

Bogeyface · 26/01/2015 00:24

How much of this cash have you actually laid out OP?

What would it cost you to risk a sacking (risk?! HA!) by saying "Enough!", by sitting her down and saying that she is taking the piss, that you are not spending another penny and that she needs to wind her neck in?

You would be doing her a favour.

minkGrundy · 26/01/2015 00:53

I agree with pps get her a book on something like "making a marriage work".

CheerfulYank · 26/01/2015 01:28

Good God A'mighty! Shock

I'm American and bridesmaids always pay for their own dress etc so that's whatever to me, but the rest is unbelievable!

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 26/01/2015 04:42

Spend the money from the cancelled hotel room on an assertiveness course?!

DecaffCoffeeAndRollupsPlease · 26/01/2015 04:44

If she mentions/texts anything to you directly re anything that involves you spending more money on anything towards her wedding, please reply with "I'm sorry but I truly cant afford to subsidise your wedding any further". From what you've written I'm sure it won't, but I would hope that would embarrassed her out of harassing you further.

If she queries this, then itemise the expenses to date that you've covered for dress, shoes, etc. making it clear that she's lucky to be having the wedding she wants but obviously can't afford as she's passed on costs that she should have covered.

Has she no shame?

Does she really love giving? What did she give you for your birthday? I wonder what she's getting for your ds's birthday, don't be shy to ask, she clearly hasn't been in asking for things...

Thumbwitch · 26/01/2015 04:51

OH come on OP, don't rely on the Bridezilla sacking your only ally! Send her a text and say "whatever saneBM said, I agree with too" and then she'll sack you too. OR take the bull by the horns and tell her you can't afford to be her BM any more so you're standing down so she can find some other suck-up sucker friend to do it instead, who will fall in with her "vision of how things should be".

Don't tell her about you not asking the groom to do the tragic "love cards" thing though.

HoggleHoggle · 26/01/2015 07:03

OP you say you like her, you just don't like this side of her. Can that actually be true?

Can you name a couple of nice, kind things she has done recently?

I may be wrong of course but I suspect you won't be able to.

I don't know why you can't see just how horrendously she is behaving. Maybe she's such an old friend that you are used to it. But seriously, she is selfish and immature which is just a terrible combination.

Also agree with pp - if she loves giving gifts, I assume you got very thoughtful birthday and Christmas gifts last year?

She is actually holding you all hostage with her promise of the gifts she'll give you and the emotional blackmail - and I don't understand why only two of the bridesmaids see it. She is a manipulative playground bully based on the info you've given.

InJillianWeTrust · 26/01/2015 07:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

merrymouse · 26/01/2015 07:34

Good luck when she is the first person in the history of the universe to have a baby...

Aeroflotgirl · 26/01/2015 08:04

that text from sensible bridesmaid would be enough to bring me to my senses. That the BM have already contributed a lot toward Bridezilla and this wedding. Loves herself much. A genuinely nice person would never dream of behaving like this, you Mabey have seen the real her come out. I never behaved like that as I bride, bought all BM dresses, shoes, accessories. Paid for BM hair. I organised my hen weekend, local Chineese buffet and a day out in Alton Towers. Never expected a penny from my BM or anyone. Entitled much!

Mynewnamenotyours · 26/01/2015 08:06

Shock wow!

fuzzpig · 26/01/2015 08:07

How does this woman have any friends left?!

MythicalKings · 26/01/2015 08:08

Queen that is absolute madness! We haven't been allowed to see the wedding dress because she wants the photographer to capture our faces when she comes out in it. She also has told the groom not to turn around when she walks into the church because she wants him to hear the gasps of the guests when they see her...

Please, please burst out laughing. Or could you manage a bit of a sneer?

The poor, poor groom to be. Why is everyone putting up with this?

Aeroflotgirl · 26/01/2015 08:13

Has she instructed the guests on the invite to gasp when she walk up the aisle Grin yes loves herself much. I would seriously distance myself from her after the wedding.

Only1scoop · 26/01/2015 08:16

Or before if you wake up and smell that coffee.