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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another rant about friend's wedding

507 replies

cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 16:19

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

OP posts:
Lweji · 25/01/2015 20:41

She's also taking over your holidays?

You should set up a wedding planner business and bill her for it.

Lweji · 25/01/2015 20:43

Are you sure you can't get a partial refund on the hen do thing and go for just a couple of days?

Shrekandprincessfiona · 25/01/2015 20:43

I have been a bridesmaid quite recently. The bride paid for the dress and the cottage for the night before her wedding. We (there were 5 of us in total) paid for the stole, shoes and hair which came to £60 all together. No one objected as we thought it was quite reasonable really. I cannot fathom why you are paying FOR EVERYTHING maybe it's for the privilege of being part of HER day. As for not being able to have a + 1 ......RIDICULOUS!

Cancel the room.

Jackiebrambles · 25/01/2015 20:46

Glad you've cancelled the room.

I'd tell the other bridesmaids again, and finally, that you aren't paying for any goodie bag for the night before and that you'll bring 'bubbly' instead as your contribution.

(And bring cava!).

jay55 · 25/01/2015 20:48

I hope the groom runs off with someone on the honeymoon.

CharlotteCollins · 25/01/2015 20:54

Maybe you should ask if she could put your dress, shoes, etc in your goody bag.

Lweji · 25/01/2015 20:55

Anyone else hoping that the OP's +1 is going to be the groom?

ShipwreckedAndComatose · 25/01/2015 20:58

Good call op!

RosieRose2011 · 25/01/2015 21:01

I could not afford 1500 on a wedding! So hard when it's that kind of situation as you don't know whether to just let it go as it is their day but at what point does it tip over into unreasonable! (Think the line has been well and truly crossed in your case! :-) )

TheRealAmandaClarke · 25/01/2015 21:03

I hope the groom runs off with someone in the honeymoon
Shock
That is so mean.

Well done for cancelling the room cathy

ElleyBear13 · 25/01/2015 21:08

My goodness! When i got married two years ago i covered the dresses, shoes, accessories, hair/make up and the girls choose to pay for overnight accomodation themselves. Your friend is unreasonable and id start putting my foot down before it escalates any further! xx

rookiemere · 25/01/2015 21:16

Well done Cathy for putting your foot down - I can't believe you were expected to use your annual leave for this (actually I can).

LemonBreeland · 25/01/2015 21:37

Oh this woman is seriously going to be planning her divorce after this wedding. She wants a wedding not a marriage.

I could not remain friends with someone like this.

Original poster
cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 21:41

She's just text other sensible bridesmaid about something related to the hotel where the reception is being held, followed immediately by another text saying 'it's just I'm spending a tonne of money and want it to go as I envision it Smile '.

Definitely been alerted to our lack of playing along by the other bridesmaids. Give me strength.

OP posts:
Penquin · 25/01/2015 21:42

My own entire wedding cost around the £1500 mark. I know that's hardly typical but to spend that on someone else's? Unless you're all super rich then it's different but if it's a stretch for you then a real friend shouldn't expect that. I think you should let her know if you're finding it a struggle

acatcalledjohn · 25/01/2015 21:42

When my friends got married, various people chipped in with services instead of wedding presents: I did the cake with another friend, someone else offered up their very nice car and chauffeured them, another knew a DJ. It was a fab day! Everyone there was there for the right reasons, and services were supplied with love, which meant so much more on the day.

YADNBU OP, though YABU (as are the other BMs) for still going along with her insane demands. I bet she'll be bragging afterwards on how she managed to stay within her budget.

If her STBH doesn't make a run for freedom in the next 10 months.

Only1scoop · 25/01/2015 21:44

Why don't you demote yourself to mere rose petal scatterer Smile

Jackiebrambles · 25/01/2015 21:51

She's not spending a tonne of money, the bridesmaids are paying for most of it and she's not even paying for booze at the wedding!!

I bet her dress is the most expensive thing. Hence the pre-ordered gasps.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2015 21:52

"Oh this woman is seriously going to be planning her divorce after this wedding"
Probably Sad. Given hen her desire for a film link ( Love Actually FFS) can anyone think of a film link for a suitable serving of the papers? I suspect she'd find Eastenders' Den & Angie a little too downmarket for her taste Grin.

WhereYouLeftIt · 25/01/2015 21:54

hen ??

DeliciousIrony · 25/01/2015 21:54

Well done for backing out of the hotel - do not pay another penny towards this farce. It's about more than just the money, it's about her amazing selfishnessn and complete lack of regard for you .

I suppose you can't stop the other BM from getting her a hamper or whatever other bollocks she wants, but I do think it's important that you stand up for yourself.

Rooberoobe · 25/01/2015 21:58

Oh my goodness!

I'd love to reply "not as much as your bridesmaids are spending!"

In all seriousness I would save another £100 by not giving her the wedding gift. Your gift to her is already about £1000 so her day can "go as she envision it."

You will just be expected to keep paying out.

Baby shower
Baby being born
Christening
First birthday
First christmas

And the list goes on! Plus you will be incredibly bored of all the talk about her trying to conceive, pregnancy, baby etc etc ...

Original poster
cathyscarlett · 25/01/2015 21:58

Yeah you're right, DeliciousIrony and others who have said things along the same lines.

Sensible friend replied to bride's latest text saying that it shouldn't be about the money, the main thing is she's marrying the groom. Bride text back 'yeah but I've got presents for everyone, loads of things, I love giving presents so there's no way I'm not going to.' Translation: I know you're not contributing to the pre-wedding gift giving farce and I'm not happy.

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 25/01/2015 21:58

I'd love to be there to witness the look on her face when she notices the distinct lack of gasps Grin

lomega · 25/01/2015 22:04

I hope you don't stay friends with this person OP, she is taking the absolute piss

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