To have another rant about friend's wedding

[cathyscarlett]

I posted on here recently about my friend who's getting married in November. I'm a bridesmaid, and the cost is already tipping £1,500 for each of us. She is one of my oldest friends, and she is a really lovely person, but she has become utterly self absorbed and obsessed with her wedding (which she has been planning for the past few years).

I have just received a text from another bridesmaid asking each of the six of us for £45 in order to make a 'bride goody bag' for the night before the wedding, including personalised pyjamas, make up, champagne etc. She has stated that the bride asked her to do this. It's not the cost I mind, I was planning to take champagne for the night before anyway, it's being asked to spend yet more of my money on her wedding.

AIBU to think my friend has a bloody cheek to keep continuously asking us all for more money?

She wants an extra £45?
No problem. Pay it and cancel the room to cover the cost.
She wants something else.. No problem cancel the hair to pay for it. The out goes the nails. Followed by the make up.

I missed the plus-one business and went back and read your post. That alone would make me pull out.

OP as others have said, this woman is not your friend. Not at all. If she was, you would be able to speak to her and ask her why she's being a daft cow. And you would be able to have a conversation about it. As it is, she is demanding things through the medium of your fellow bridesmaids and they all sound terrified of her. Are they?

If she's not sleeping with groom then things are going utterly shit for her and she is over compensating. This is sad yes but it also involves using you as a dumping ground for her shit and that's not on.

I would cut her out now as things will not get better. Soon she'll be furious that you didn't spend a packet on the arrival of her PFB. It will never end.

See, again, I actually think the marryoke thing is another opportunity too good to waste... If you can get the song substituted without her knowledge. 'highway to Hell' for example.

Never heard of this marryoak nonsense, just had a look on youtube ......have to say it's the biggest load of cringefest crap I've seen in a long time.

HearMyRoar she told me. She says neither of them are that bothered about it. She said she knows it'll have to start again to have a baby so she's thinking about doing it again before the wedding so it doesn't look like she's just sleeping with him for the baby when the time comes.

They've been together a long time, and have only ever been with each other, so I don't know if part of them being together is habit. I've got no doubt they love each other though.

Or marry yourself soon and claim the cost back.
It worked for Carrie Bradshaw when her Manolos disappeared in a party and the host didn't offer to pay for them.

I just you tubed marryoke. They may be the worst thing ever.

bride's afternoon tea ......it gets worse.

OfficerVanHalen are you me?! My ex is also the best man (though happily we're on good terms) and we too are having a second party on the Sunday after the wedding. You have my sympathy!

Op - break the bad habit.....

I would suggest that the gifts include a copy of the Karma Sutra and some Viagra.... Honestly. The cheek of some people.

I honest don't get the whole "please be my bridesmaid but you have to pay for the dress, the shoes, the hair.... The privilege...."

Stop enabling this showgirl....

You'll be standing there with feathers next as she makes her grand entrance in her rhinestoned bejewelled pj's ....

Sounds shambolic anyway....

She's planning to have sex before her wedding.... in November.

Jesus wept

Well I'd tell you to bin her off but you seem set on "keeping the peace ". Plus you've invested 5 years in this. So it's a case of putting up and shutting up... BUT don't spend any more money.

Definitely don't stay in the hotel. It's always rubbish paying a fortune for a room you hardly use. Generally only worthwhile when you really have to do it and there's a good shindig laid on, ie, not having to pay £200 for drinks!

Sounds like you've dealt with the grabby requests for presents ok.

Still think its worth staying frenemies with her, just to report back on her worst excesses to mumsnet! Waiting for a full update on this wedding just watch that she doesn't sign up to mumsnet and catch it!

Regarding the letter saying what she means to you. I'd just submit an itemised list if what the wedding has cost you. That should make it fairly clear.

Also the only wedding I've been to where the guests gasped when the bride appeared it was because we were all genuinely terrified she was going to fall out of the bodice of her dress.

Save the money for the divorce party. It won't be long. Maybe February? I give it about 3m!

rather than the simple fact that NO ONE GIVES ANYWHERE NEAR AS MUCH OF A SHIT ABOUT YOUR WEDDING AS YOU DO.
So true Officer

This Bridezilla's bridesmaids alone are forking out more than our entire wedding cost from the banns to the throwing of the posy. And the honeymoon too, actually.

I'd write to the bride in terms like:

"Your plans may be kind of contagious,
Your greed is entirely outrageous.
Now each of us thinks
That your attitude stinks
Which is why you can now disengage us."

The bride shouldn't be having 6 bridesmaids if she can't afford them!

I got married in 2013 and had my sister and my two best friends as bridesmaids. I paid for dresses, hair, makeup, jewellery, nails, breakfast on the morning and a nice car to get them to the venue. I didn't pay for shoes because I told them they could wear whatever they liked.

There were no goody bags (never heard of this!)

Seriously, whatever happened to just turning up to the church/registry office, ceremony, meal and piss up then home? I just don't understand why weddings have to be dragged out over a weekend and everyone is supposed to fawn over the bride and pretend she's a princess.