To think that actually 30 isnt the new 20?

[JenPoll01]

Conversation with group of mates this evening at friends' house...

"30 is the new 20, we dont need to worry yet."

We (group of about 10 of us) live in London. Husband and i got married 6 months ago and will shortly move to Bucks where we are buying our first house and will have first baby hopefully soon after. I am 28 and we are all aged between 28-34. We are the only ones to have ever saved. Despite the lowest salary of the group being £45k (we have never previously talked about £ but convo became rather in depth after i said that i was very surprised that noone had any savings whatsoever) and highest being £70k a year.

Apparently we are in the minority? Surely not? They all spend every penny they have on goong out, lavish hols and clothes and have hige credit card debts. We of course go out with them but not to everything (they all go out at least twice mid week too). We love them dearly but i have come away tonight wondering if i am alone in thinking they will regret this complacency eventually?!

I spent my 20's going for expensive meals, 3-4 holidays a year, monthly spa treatments, lived abroad for a while, loved every minute. Now 30, married with a DD and we've just started doing our saving. To be honest it makes more sense to us to save now when we can't go out anyway (no babysitters nearby) and are generally too exhausted to go for meals etc.

Just different choices OP. It would annoy me if they were moaning, but then people have the right to moan about whatever they like. If it annoys you so much, don't see them.

You sound extremely bitter Jennifer

YANBU. People say they can't afford a house etc but it is all about choices. I have 3 friends who all earn normalish professional salaries in London, two saved their arses off and bought flats, one spends every £££ they have and moans that he'll never get on the property ladder. If they're happy spending on stuff then fine but don't do it and then moan!

And, yes, actually, all those mid week dinners, holidays, haircuts etc DO add up to a house deposit over a decade! If they're spending £100 per week eating out/hair/silly luxuries over a decade that is £52,000...

It's about what's more important to individuals, why can't people just enjoy their lives instead of judging! I like a balance, married and bought a house in the same year when I was 26/27. Haven't bought a ridiculously expensive house (obviously I'm not in the South East!) so we can continue to enjoy our lives, meals out, buying clothes etc. Had several lovely holidays with friends and DH. This year DH and I are forgoing a holiday (excluding 2 short city breaks abroad) because we want to get a puppy! People who hate dogs would think that's stupid. So what? Just be happy dudes.

I'm with OP here. It is indeed about choices, but if you read her first post, her friends were complaining AND expressing resentment towards her. I do not agree with Got to be that she should just sit there & listen to their whinging & not say anything. I think her friends sound ENTITLED.

but if you read her first post, her friends were complaining AND expressing resentment towards her.

Am I missing something? The OP says no such thing.

I didn't say she should sit and not say anything. I said if she didn't like it, don't spend time with them! Entirely different.

I'm 35 and only just thinking about doing the whole house and kids thing.

...we will have a £1m home paid off by 40, enough money in the bank to put several kids through private school already and plenty for more holidays, not counting any inheritance we will get.

Apatite are you saying that you will pay off a £1m mortgage with at least another 50 grand to spare, all in the next five years?

... and apparently effortlessly conceive and pop out as many kids as she wants at 40+

I really do hope that it does work out that way for you apatite.

Nope. Will pay off a £250k mortgage though. Had v big deposit. Already have more than £50k for kids school, or other investments if no kids. We live v modestly and earn highly.

Didn't mean to sound smug, just a bit irritated when others sound smug and judgey towards us. I would never tell anyone this in real life.

And I have no qualms about vigorously applauding my friends' life choices. I'm not going to rain on their parade and tell them, no actually I don't think you're done amazingly well (which is what they think and happy to tell me so) Who the fuck would do that to friends? I am happy to validate their choices: if they want to be smug about it, fine. I don't mind. I'm happy that they're happy.

Haven't even decided on whether to have kids. Every single woman in three generations of my family have had kids over 40. I'm only 35, but if I don't have kids I don't mind at all, so it's fine either way. If I was desperate for them, I'd have had them ten years ago.

But g'wan. Keep bashing other people's life choices.

I had my DD4 at 44 so not ''bashing'' that choice apitite but i do have some experience in this matter and it's not always plain sailing at that age.

You wrote ''we will have a £1m home paid off by 40, enough money in the bank to put several kids through private school''

... sounded like a plan to have kids to me

Sorry, Apatite I think I misunderstood. Do you already have a mortgage then?

Apatite your choices are your own to make but I don't advise waiting until 40 to have "several kids"

Life has a way of kicking you in the teeth despite one's best laid plans < shrug >

No I agree with you fluffy, it's not always plain sailing. We are seriously considering kids, but I don't have a burning desire to have them, I've planned financially for them (no good state schools in our area, so I had to save up even before conception, just in case) but we may never have them. Or we may adopt. It's all up the air, not carved in stone. It's a risk to delay, I always tell my patients never to delay if they are 100% sure they want kids at some point. I'm not 100% sure.

Faire, we have a very small mortgage compared to the price of the house, I'd never take out a £1m pound mortgage!

Look, life doesn't always go to plan, only a fool would think that. We've put in best possible safety nets, the rest is all unknown. All I'm saying to the OP, is that there is more than one way to skin a cat and to not judge on appearances. Not as a smug one upmanship game!

Er, let's just say that I have a very detailed and close understanding of fertility issues. I don't want to out myself!

we have a very small mortgage compared to the price of the house, I'd never take out a £1m pound mortgage

It's just that when you posted 'I'm 35 and only just thinking about doing the whole house and kids thing' you were making out that you were only just considering getting a house and mortgage.

But in fact you already have one. So it's just having children that you have not yet decided on/embarked on?

I'm really touched so many of you are concerned that I don't miss out on kids though. I mean that sincerely. You must defintely be in the "pro-kids" camp!

I just joined mumsnet when I became a carer, now this thread is becoming about me! Shall we return to OP??

Fair enough, Apatite. I give my own "warning" out of bitter experience.

I'm not bothered whether or not you have kids, I just thought it odd that you initially posted to say that you had not yet got on the housing ladder when, in fact, you have

Oh sorry faire, we just got a house/mortgage v recently. Wouldn't even show up on land registry records. I wasnt clear, lumping that in with the kids thing. We are very delayed compared to our peer group, we've chosen the slow route for everything.

Warning heeded, anyfucker.

So how will you pay off a £250,000 mortgage in five years?

I thought I wasn't bothered about having kids or not until an incidental test revealed I probably wouldn't be able to without a truckload of fertility treatment

my reaction was quite a shock