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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that actually 30 isnt the new 20?

158 replies

JenPoll01 · 24/01/2015 22:49

Conversation with group of mates this evening at friends' house...

"30 is the new 20, we dont need to worry yet."

We (group of about 10 of us) live in London. Husband and i got married 6 months ago and will shortly move to Bucks where we are buying our first house and will have first baby hopefully soon after. I am 28 and we are all aged between 28-34. We are the only ones to have ever saved. Despite the lowest salary of the group being £45k (we have never previously talked about £ but convo became rather in depth after i said that i was very surprised that noone had any savings whatsoever) and highest being £70k a year.

Apparently we are in the minority? Surely not? They all spend every penny they have on goong out, lavish hols and clothes and have hige credit card debts. We of course go out with them but not to everything (they all go out at least twice mid week too). We love them dearly but i have come away tonight wondering if i am alone in thinking they will regret this complacency eventually?!

OP posts:

squoosh · 25/01/2015 00:16

I've never been to Bucks nor do I have any plans to reside in Bucks in the future and I'm okay with that.

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/01/2015 00:18

I didn't think you came across as smug at all, OP - just genuinely surprised at your friends having such different values and priorities. I think it's fair to say that, yes, 30 is the new 20 for many. We are all living longer and are generally healthier so youth tends to last longer as does the mid-section of life before old-age sets in. The government is, of course, encouraging this by making us all work for longer!

However, I know what you're getting at in your doubts about your friends' lifestyle. Although we are all living longer and feel youthful for a longer period of time, women's fertility is still at its highest for the same limited period as before. You are in your late twenties, hoping to start a family around thirty but your friends do not seem to feel any urgency. (if, indeed, they want a family.) Treating 30 as the new 20 means presumably that 40 is the new 30 and it may a lot harder to have a family then, even if they have sorted out their finances at that stage. So, I am not surprised at your reaction to your friends' lifestyle.

AWholeLottaNosy · 25/01/2015 00:22

Nooo 50 is the new 30! ( I hope..)

TestNamePleaseIgnore · 25/01/2015 00:23

What is it with Bucks anyway? What is there.

squoosh · 25/01/2015 00:24

I think it's full of people tutting at the licentious fleshpot that is London.

Honeydragon · 25/01/2015 00:27

Well, there's also me.

I don't tut much.

I can occasionally be heard when I wake up at 3am screaming "what the fuck am I doiiiiing!?"

Catzeyess · 25/01/2015 00:28

I'm with you op.

It's not so much that there is anything wrong with spending all your money and partying in your twenties - it's when people then moan they have no money/complain that people with a mortage etc are 'lucky' when actually they just made different choices.

Fwiw dh and I saved for 10 years (him) and 5 years (me) and bought a lovely flat in London. I don't get it when people say getting married and getting a mortgage is boring. Personally I'm having more fun now than I ever did clubbing/living in house shares etc. Everyone is different though!

Honeydragon · 25/01/2015 00:28

I'm like the ops

Ghost of Bucks future

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/01/2015 00:29

There will have to be a lot of menopausal babies if 50 is the new 30, wholelotta! (Attractive though the idea of losing twenty years is!)

Honeydragon · 25/01/2015 00:30

The only people who mortgages are lucky for are the ones that own the banks.

Mortgages suck demon arse.

VadaSultanfuss · 25/01/2015 00:33

I had my first child at 23, got married and bought a house. Friends barely bothered with me but when I was occasionally invited on a night out they would spend a lot of money on cocaine. Lots of expensive clothes and Longhaul holidays.

Now we are 32 and they whinge about how 'lucky' I am to have a house.

squoosh · 25/01/2015 00:34

You sound far too jolly to be the Ghost of Bucks Future.

Bettercallsaul1 · 25/01/2015 00:36

There is no right or wrong about these decisions - you pays your money snd you takes your choice.

Kvetch15 · 25/01/2015 00:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

squoosh · 25/01/2015 00:36

I think people are being a bit pissy about the word 'lucky'. When people say 'lucky' they're not necessarily implying that it dropped on your lap. Often it just means 'oh wow, I'd love to live here'.

VadaSultanfuss · 25/01/2015 00:36

Mind you, I'm now maxing out the AVCs in my pension which same mates find incredulous as I'm only 32. Guess I'll be the 'lucky' one who gets to retire early.

squoosh · 25/01/2015 00:37

I might say to a friend going on holiday to Thailand 'lucky you'. I'm not implying she didn't pay for the holiday, it's just an appreciative exclamation of her doing something that lots of other people would also love to do.

VadaSultanfuss · 25/01/2015 00:51

Yes, house prices have gone up a crazy amount. However, our house still required a 25k deposit in 2007, saving it up was hard work, we had a baby and childcare to pay.

WD41 · 25/01/2015 00:58

Hmmm. Maybe once you're in your 30s and you have your baby and you're awake at 4am and it's the 5th time that night, you'll wish you'd had a few more lavish holidays in your 20s because you realise all that is gone now.

Don't be so smug

ToysRLuv · 25/01/2015 00:58

It also occurred to me that during the years we have used probably at least 15k on travelling to see my family once or, at most, twice a year. So could have a beginnings of a deposit, if I hadn't seen my family and friends for 10 years. Could be done, but wouldn't choose it myself.

Fairenuff · 25/01/2015 01:00

I have had some amazing holidays and I will treasure those memories. Once you have a mortgage and/or children, those dreams are impossible. Do it while you can is my advice.

scousadelic · 25/01/2015 01:03

Vada Very smart, I wish we'd been in a position to do that in our 30s. Did it in our 50s but you will have years of interest on your side

Neverending2012 · 25/01/2015 01:07

Just be happy with your own choices and let others make their own. Everything will look different by 40 anyway...

VadaSultanfuss · 25/01/2015 01:08

Hmm, in my old circle they've become rather fixated upon houses and acquiring one. It's not so much 'lucky you' but 'it's not fair'.

I think that they have conveniently forgotten their impromptu NY trips, £150 a weekend on coke and exclusively shopping in Wholefoods. It all boils down to different choices in the end - fair enough - but people should acknowledge that the ostentatious lifestyle they have is a choice and just be happy with that.

I must admit I'm slightly touchy about the subject as my old best mate now expects me to fork out for drinks and dinner if we meet as she is trying to save for a house, and all she speaks about is how unfair it is that she has to rent.... Yet she's just booked up to go to Brazil (again)!

squoosh · 25/01/2015 01:12

Well your best friend sounds like a free loader. Separate issue.

If you're so content with your choices and your situation I don't know why you're so irked by friends who didn't make the same choices and are now facing a tough slog towards home ownership. You're sitting pretty, enjoy it.

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