This has now escalated and I don't know what to do.

[solidarityplease]

Have name changed.

OH and I are in the midst of an almighty row. It's horrible.
I'll try and keep this brief, although very upset so might ramble.

Just for some background, we have 18mo DS. I have as of yet undiagnosed PND and what I suspect is PTSD, following a horrific time during birth. ( I had to process some potentially life changing news when DS was just a few weeks old, as a result of hospital negligence)

The PND and PTSD are undiagnosed not through lack of trying to get help - I really, really have tried. I have seen my GP, who once had established that I wasn't suicidal, and I didnt want to take ADs, was of no help whatsoever.

I had to fight tooth and nail to get a debrief for over a year. I finally managed to see the consultant a few months ago and am now waiting for outcome of investigation.

I'm really not well. I know this, my OH knows this, but I am proud of myself for getting through the first 18 months of my DS' life without completely going under. He was a very difficult baby and rarely slept during the day. He's a better napper now thank god.
I'm back at work 3 days a week and finding it very stressful.

OK - now to the argument. I have been trying to organise a long weekend away with some friends for some time as I have not had a night off or away from DS since he was born. He was ebf so I did all night wakings.

Nearly everytime we discuss this time away, OH mentions that he will be taking DS to his MIL for a visit during this time. This annoys me.

He has never had DS on his own for longer than 9-5 hours before. And that was just once.
I really want him to just experience what its like to be the sole care giver for a succession of days, more for solidaritys sake than anything else. Just to walk a couple of days in my shoes. Is this unreasonable?

Apparently I have a 'chip on my shoulder' about it.

He refuses to believe that going to MIL for a couple of hours with DS gives him a break. I say it is a break. There is another pair of eyes watching DS, you can eat in peace, go to the loo in peace, just have the sole carer responsibility lifted, even if its just a little bit.

I feel like Im going nuts. I feel so strongly about this. Is this just the PND talking or am I even a little bit justified.

Just to add OH goes away with work every now and again for a few days so having to get myself and DS ready for work and CM and out of the door for 7.30am is not easy.

God this looks ridiculous now.

Just enjoy the weekend and so what if he goes to MIL ? It's meant to be him taking care of the child not a punishment !

You sound fraught op. Very stressed . What could you do to address ???

Agree on the ad too , so relate to them as 'support pants ' you wear as you work out other plans to lose that tummy

Sorry really shit metaphor but they are not forever bit you sound so anguished x

I might get some of that setraline too !!! What's the best for anxiety ?

haven't rtft, only the first page or so

OP, my OH and BIL (both dads of twins) used to do this exact same thing on the (very, very few) occasions they were left alone with their dcs- run STRAIGHT to their mum's place in a panic, so she could do everything help

SIL and I used to grumble about it something rotten

no issues with PND, PST. Just annoyance that both of them were happy to leave us for hours on end- sometimes days- for work, stag dos, whatever- because, after all, women can just Deal With It, can't they

YANBU.

Look I understand too. you want him to understand what it is like for you, but that is a different issue.
If he runs to his mums that is ok. You have your free time.

I used to let/make my husband take the kids to his mums so I could get some stuff done at home.

So maybe this could be the start of something beautiful for you, your husband and your mil.
He can get used to taking DS to mil every so often, and you can , watch crap movies , wake up in your own bed and err catch up on house work / bbc iplayer.

Hello, great posts op. Some real good news (new gp app booked) and glad hearing some positive stories from everyone has helped.

I suffered alone. Because some days I felt fine. I thought depression/pnd meant "feeling bad all the time". It's only with hindsight of two years I realise there was a cycle; good days, great days, bad days, worse days, dear god can this be any worse days! I wish i had known more earlier. Ho hum. What can you do...?

May I also recommend a blood test? I had really low b12 recently. Felt very similar to my worst pnd times. Was quite scared was coming back. But a few days of tablets really turned me around. It could be tiredness is low something. The gp should/will check.

Forgot to say, best of luck

YABU, it isn't a competition.

Teaand what a reasoned and insightful supportive post

Against the grain YANBU. Your lo is 18 months old and you oh has had plenty of time to step up and give you a break.

Maybe he can take your lo to mils every other Saturday so you can rest? You must let people help you and that this may be on terms other than your own.

You need to be clear about the support you need, one lie in each or (if you can't sleep in) a few hours at the weekend napping or reading.

Counselling really helped me. I hope you get the support you need and that someone starts listening.

Just to update, I have still not seen a GP.
I feel like shit.
Tried to get an appointment on Monday as I said I would, even though I repeatedly pressed redial, when I get through, they're all taken.

So I pre book an evening one that was supposed to be 6.45 tonight.

Shit myself all day at work and feel very anxious about having to sit and go through everything AGAIN.

Get a phone call at 5.30 asking me if I can re book as GP has a meeting.

Why have that appointment available in the first place?! Another joyous 24 hours of anxiety to look forward to now.

I really feel like fucking giving up now. I have been met with nothing but constant obstacles for the past 18 fucking months whilst trying to get someone to help me.

I understand where you're coming from but yabu.

Him going to mil is a sort of acknowledgment of house difficult he believes it to be to be some career of your ds - he's finding the thought of it so difficult that he's not even going to try it alone, instead he's setting up support in advance. Of you could have had family support during all the time you've been sole career, would you not have taken them up on the offer at least some of the time?

If he ever intimates that it's not that difficult to care for ds alone, you cam remind him of this weekend, and that he obviously couldn't do it... Not that I think that kind of argument is productive, you can know it in your head.

Try to concentrate on having a good time away, and getting more support for yourself.

Hadn't rtft, sorry.

I hope you get your appointment and some appropriate support soon.

I don't think you are BU actually! not read thread, probably moved on.

Why cant he cope on his own and look forward to one on one time?

My friends STBXH behaves exactly like your DH. Every time he is on his own with his child, he takes them him to his parents. It is one of the reasons they are separating.

Feel very sad for you. It is hard enough as it is, without your additional traumas.

Can you call first thing tomorrow, explain why you want the appointment and ask that you are prioritised? I understand that appointments are like gold dust in some places, but you really shouldn't have to wait any longer. Would a phone consultation be any use in the first instance? Could you suggest that?

Oh love

I'm glad you're going to see you gp again, even though they're pissing about with the appointment. Hope things get better.

Unfortunately I'm not able to keep on the phone at the time the lines open due to work commitments.
To be honest I couldn't get any time off during the day to attend an earlier appointment.

I'm just so upset that I have to go through another day at work with it hanging over my head. It was pretty grim today as I was feeling so anxious about talking about it again.

Can you email them and say that you are feeling at the end of your rope and you are worried about what you may do. Phased like that, they'd be stupid not to get you an appointment ASAP. The consequences of ignoring something like that could really get them into trouble. I think they would give you an appointment to cover their arses. And it is virtually the truth.

Be strong. Persevere. You'll need to be strong. It takes a couple of weeks for the ads to take effect anyway. Help is out there. You just need to shout louder.

OP, just wanted to say hang on in there. It must be so frustrating and wearing to build yourself up for an appointment and then have it cancelled - but really you have taken the biggest step by acknowledging all that you have in this thread. Maybe you could write a list of the points you want to make to the GP in advance so you have already done the going back over the traumatic events and don't spend the next couple of days dreading it. Remember that taking ADs doesn't mean that what happened to you wasn't wrong or awful, it's a way of helping you cope with that reality and move on. Good luck.

I understand work commitments, but if necessary take the day off sick, go down to the GPs at opening and explain in person why you need an urgent appointment.
Good luck