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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to refuse to serve coffee to a 10 year old?

252 replies

ScarlettDarling · 24/01/2015 15:41

Ds just been to an outdoor sledging place for his birthday party. Three of his best friends have come back here and as they're all freezing I offered them hot chocolate. One said he didn't like it and asked could he have coffee instead.I was a bit taken aback and made a joke about how coffee wasn't a children's drink, but he looked a bit miffed and said he had it all the time at home. I ended up giving him hot apple stuff instead but now Im wondering if I was being unreasonable...I don't think coffee is an appropriate drink for children, but I happily served hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows to the others which, let's face it, isn't exactly healthy!!

OP posts:

squoosh · 24/01/2015 17:39

Well if they have that many rules it's probably best if they don't let their child out of their sight.

hoobypickypicky · 24/01/2015 17:47

Squoosh, the cola thing can't be unanimous because I can't get worked up about a kid having the occasional glass of that either.

Regarding the comparison with denying a vegan child a vegan meal, there is a reason behind my example (though those who 'picked me up' on it could have had the wit to come up with their own). I've seen posts on MN where contributors have said that they wouldn't raise or allow their DC to become vegan on health grounds - out of concern that the child wouldn't get sufficient protein and/or vitamins and iron. My question is, if they hold the view that something - anything legal and reasonable - might not be good for their child (while, as in the case of a single coffee or vegan food, it's not inherently bad or damaging) would they deny someone else's child it?

It's ok if people want to split hairs about my example. I don't mind but It does make for boring reading for the rest of the people who 'got' what I meant.

howtodrainyourflagon · 24/01/2015 17:47

Ds1 has been drinking decaf coffee from 5 or 6. It never occurred to me that this is not the norm. My ds1 could have been this child...

egnahc · 24/01/2015 17:48

Is there caffeine in chocolate? isn't hot chocolate just high quality chocolate melted in milk? That is how we make it

no problem with coffee for all

fatlazymummy · 24/01/2015 17:48

I've never heard of parents not allowing their kids to drink coffee. I can remember drinking it from a very young age (we used to have it made from milk). I would have allowed my children to drink it, though as it happens they didn't like it. They did love to dunk their biscuits in mine though, so sometimes I would make them their own cup so that I didn't have soggy biscuits floating in mine.

egnahc · 24/01/2015 17:49

we had camp coffee at brownies as a child

sanfairyanne · 24/01/2015 17:51

i love mumsnet

i dont know anyone who does let their kids drink coffee

how come we all never meet each other, these coffee/no coffee for kids people?

fatlazymummy · 24/01/2015 17:55

sanfairy perhaps it's a generational thing. I'm older and I was brought up drinking tea and coffee (with sugar in it). It was considered completely normal. There again, I don't remember ever drinking coke as a child.

squoosh · 24/01/2015 17:55

'It's ok if people want to split hairs about my example. I don't mind but It does make for boring reading for the rest of the people who 'got' what I meant.'

No need to be so touchy. I wasn't 'splitting hairs' to point out there's a huge difference between giving a vegan child non-vegan food and denying a coffee drinking child a coffee. It was a ridiculous comparison.

Ludoole · 24/01/2015 17:56

Ds1 likes his coffee black with no sugar and has done since he was 10. Wont touch tea though.

hoobypickypicky · 24/01/2015 18:06

I don't think so Squoosh, and I think I explained why so I won't bore people by giving it another go. I'll just point out that my example was one of denying a vegan child a vegan meal, not "forcing a vegan child to eat non-vegan food" or "giving a vegan child non-vegan food^. It's possible to deny someone something without offering, giving or forcing them to eat an alternative.

I'm not being touchy. MN should have video posting - I'm smiling. You've said that coffee "addicts" irritate you and indicated that you'd make a parenting decision on what a 10 year old drinks when you're not the kid's parent and you haven't been tasked with making that particular parenting decision. We're very obviously in completely different camps here, and that's fine.

squoosh · 24/01/2015 18:23

Sorry, I'm afraid I'm going to have infuriate you further by maintaining that your comparison still appears to be a ridiculous one, and yes I have read your explanation. Saying to a visiting child 'no you can't have a coffee/coke/biscuit/ because I don't serve them to my own children' is utterly different to refusing to find suitable snacks that comply with a vegan child's dietary requirements. Veganism is a way of life, a belief system. Coffee is a drink.

'You've said that coffee "addicts" irritate you and indicated that you'd make a parenting decision on what a 10 year old drinks when you're not the kid's parent and you haven't been tasked with making that particular parenting decision.'

I disagree here also. When your child spends time in a friend's house of course you've tasked the friend's parents with the parental role for those few hours. And going along with the house rules is key to successful visits.

SquinkiesRule · 24/01/2015 18:26

I think ywbu.
Hot chocolate, Tea, Coke and other drinks all have caffeine in My kids all drank occasional coffees at that age, it's no better or worse than anything else. We don't have Pop, Dd will have an ice tea, hot tea or coffee as a treat.

springalong · 24/01/2015 18:30

Posting back - for me it was about the levels of caffeine. They are higher in coffee and I just don't feel it is necessary for a child to have that particular substance. I don't believe that caffeine is necessary in their diet and could be harmful long term. But also I don't stock on a regular basis Coke, Fanta, lemonade - again due to sugar and artificial sweetners. They remain a treat for DS. And he knows that. Whereas hot chocolate - I was talking to him a few months ago about when I was growing up that hot chocolate was a real treat and he calmly said "well its not for me - I have it every day", which is true. But he liked milk so it remains a good way to keep him drinking milk. I have never been asked by another child for coffee or tea for that matter.

hoobypickypicky · 24/01/2015 18:33

You've the wrong idea about your ability to affect me Squoosh. I'm as far from being "infuriated" as could possibly be. I just corrected your interpretation of my words.

But there we go. You would make a parenting decision on whether someone else's 10 year old could drink a single coffee and I wouldn't, but that's fine. My children drink coffee, tea and cola but are unlikely to be at your house any time soon nor yours at mine so it's really rather academic.

squoosh · 24/01/2015 18:36

Without wanting to appear too pedantic I wouldn't say you 'corrected' me, you disagreed.

ANewMein2015 · 24/01/2015 18:37

Would never occur to me to offer a child coffee and I'd have refused too!

Is it a north/south divide thing (southern m/c for what its worth). I'm amazed some think its normal although I guess its what you grow up wtih. we dont have fizzy drinks at home either.

hoobypickypicky · 24/01/2015 18:46

"Without wanting to appear too pedantic I wouldn't say you 'corrected' me, you disagreed."

I'll just point out that my example was one of denying a vegan child a vegan meal, not "forcing a vegan child to eat non-vegan food" or "giving a vegan child non-vegan food."

No, I definitely corrected you. Have another look at that sentence above. You pointed out that in your opinion "there's a huge difference between giving a vegan child non-vegan food and denying a coffee drinking child a coffee". I corrected you by pointing out that I'd compared it to denying a vegan child a vegan meal, and not to offering or forcing upon him a non vegan one.

But it's fine, and I'm still smiling.

ANewMein, I'm as southern as you can get. It's tea and coffee all the way here.

squoosh · 24/01/2015 18:50

You corrected me on a detail and I still think it was a nonsense comparison. So we're both happy.

pleaseclosethedoor · 24/01/2015 18:54

OP, I don't think YWBU. Your house, your rules - if kids don't have coffee in your house then why should you give it to other people's kids?

But I don't really think this is a big deal, to be honest. Not something to worry about either way.

kawliga · 24/01/2015 19:02

Why does OP think this is a near unanimous YABU?

OP: AIBU?
some MN: I think YABU
some MN: I think YANBU
some MN: not sure
OP: ok, thanks everyone for confirming that IABU

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 24/01/2015 19:10

YWNBU I wouldn't give a child coffee either and don't drink it myself.

As for those trying to say hot chocolate contains caffeine so it makes no difference,well,people don't get addicted to hot chocolate,need it to start their day or help them function nor do they get headaches from drinking too much or withdrawal headaches from stopping drinking it or missing it.

It's a drug and I don't think kids should be encouraged or 'prepared' for it. I actually find the 'preparing' them for it,that some parents do, quite bizarre. It's not as if it's a requirement of life

DancingDinosaur · 24/01/2015 19:35

Rofl all you like tobysmum dear but I do get a bit bored of colleagues who can't even contemplate starting work without first brewing up pots of tea/coffee.

First world problem.

Lweji · 24/01/2015 19:41

we had camp coffee at brownies as a child

You thought it was coffee. :)

Noggie · 24/01/2015 19:44

I think it's fine for kids to drink some coffee at home but I wouldn't feel comfortable giving it to a child without their parents permission.

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