to refuse to serve coffee to a 10 year old?

[ScarlettDarling]

Ds just been to an outdoor sledging place for his birthday party. Three of his best friends have come back here and as they're all freezing I offered them hot chocolate. One said he didn't like it and asked could he have coffee instead.I was a bit taken aback and made a joke about how coffee wasn't a children's drink, but he looked a bit miffed and said he had it all the time at home. I ended up giving him hot apple stuff instead but now Im wondering if I was being unreasonable...I don't think coffee is an appropriate drink for children, but I happily served hot chocolate with cream and marshmallows to the others which, let's face it, isn't exactly healthy!!

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

YABVU I was taking black coffee in my star wars flask to school, that really got manky, I'd've been fine with the triple espresso (especially as it probably doesn't have much more caffeine in than an instant, but also because caffeine simulant effect is not universal)

Hot chocolate is truly vile to me and has always been so, nice to offer, but I would've also asked and been unimpressed with your refusal and your treating me like a baby.

Caffeine is generally safe, and pretty much universal, not everyone even gets the negative symptoms of it (insomnia, some anxiety etc.), and most kids are already getting quite a bit from the chocolate they eat etc.

[Andrewofgg]

I started tea at five and coffee at seven. If he has it at home then why should he not? I was taught that coffee and tea were always drunk without sugar which is probably healthier than what you gave the others!

[eddiemairswife]

I was probably weaned on to tea like most of my generation. Mum had a bottle of Camp coffee in the larder, but I don't remember it ever being used. Fizzy drinks didn't seem to be around much. We always had orange squash to drink in the summer, even at birthday parties. I too can't under stand the notion of grown-up drinks (apart from alcohol).Hot chocolate sounds sickly unless you mean cocoa.

[ScarlettDarling]

Wow, yes, it's pretty unanimous that iABU !! I stand corrected and will next time offer tea and coffee as requested! I certainly didn't mean to undermine his parents,(or all parents on the continent as a pp suggested !!), just spoke without thinking really. I've never offered my own kids ,(11 next week and7,) coffee or tea. They drink water or a hot chocolate as a treat. It's never occurred to me to offer them coffee,don't like the caffeine content or it's teeth staining qualities!! But hadn't realised that most people thought it ok for kids and will not be saying no again.

[sanfairyanne]

i dont know a single person whose kids drink coffee, yet on mn it appears the norm. i also would not have served it, op, so you are not alone honestly i would just have assumed he was trying it on. my middle child obsessively asks for coffee but is not allowed. i'd be a bit if some other parent gave him some, but as i say, i dont know anyone who would

[hoobypickypicky]

I'm amused but not amazed (this is Mumsnet, after all) that there's so much angst over a single cup of coffee and someone else's ten year old. If the child said he was vegan would people deny him a vegan meal on the grounds that they disapprove of his/his parents choices?

Scarlett, I'm still not clear about whether you denied on the basis of thinking he might be breaking his own parents rules or whether it was because you disagree with it.

[sanfairyanne]

someone made the point about names for things as well. my kids drink tea but it is redbush tea. we just call it tea out of laziness

[MagratGarlik]

Coming in a bit late, but hot chocolate has caffeine in too. My two ds's have an occasional tea (tea has more caffeine in than coffee, but the caffeine in it is less bioavailable). Both tea and coffee are rich sources of polyphenols (as is hot chocolate), but both hot chocolate and coke are full of sugar and the pH of coke is around 1-2, so extremely acidic.

On balance, if you're worried about caffeine, don't give hot chocolate either, but give them some warm milk, otherwise, tea, coffee or hot chocolate are all fine in moderation. I'd have much more of a problem with a child having coke tbh, which has no redeeming features whatsoever.

[ScarlettDarling]

Hooby ...honestly Im not really sure why I refused! I just tend to treat my children's friends as I treat my own children. Kind of 'my house, my rules' I suppose. And if my own dc asked for coffee, Id say no!

[kaykayred]

I wouldn't have given any child coffee without first checking it was okay with their parents. Maybe just ask them next time so you know if they are genuinely okay with it.

There is a fuck ton more caffeine in coffee than in hot chocolate or stuff like that

I think people assume its an adult drink because black coffee is so bitter, and kids - as a general rule - don't like bitter things.

I didn't drink coffee until I was in my mid twenties!

[squoosh]

'I'm amused but not amazed (this is Mumsnet, after all) that there's so much angst over a single cup of coffee and someone else's ten year old. If the child said he was vegan would people deny him a vegan meal on the grounds that they disapprove of his/his parents choices?'

Well I'm amused but not amazed (this is Mumsnet after all) that on Coca Cola threads people are unanimously 'no chance' when it comes to their cherubs drinking it. But it seems to be very different response when it comes to an altogether more socially acceptable latte macchiato.

By the way I'm sure you realise it's a bit silly to compare denying a child a coffee and forcing a vegan child to eat non-vegan food?

[Hamper]

Tbh my dc would have probably asked to a chai latte!

But I understand the not serving it unless you check with the parents in case he was trying it on.

[WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes]

My DD started drinking it last year aged 8, but very milky and decaff only, she'd see us using the Nespresso machine and wanted to try it, also she can use it safely unlike the kettle and she likes being able to make her own hot drink.

[chrome100]

I have drunk tea and coffee since I was a very young child. Never did me any harm.

[Lweji]

If the child said he was vegan would people deny him a vegan meal on the grounds that they disapprove of his/his parents choices?

What if the child had asked for alcohol?

Not wanting meat is not the same as wanting something with a high concentration of caffeine.

And btw, the caffeine in hot chocolate is hardly mentionable, unless you put coffee in it.
4-5mg in cocoa drinks vs 34-45mg in coke type drinks up to 115mg in brewed coffee.

[Lweji]

I have drunk tea and coffee since I was a very young child. Never did me any harm.

I didn't wear a seat belt when I was a child. Never did me any harm.

[bigbluebus]

I'm not sure what harm anyone thinks one cup of coffee would have done - even if he was lying. Chances are if he wasn't used to drinking it he probably wouldn't have liked it when he tried it anyway. But one cup was hardly going to kill him.
My DS got a taste for coffee around that age - amazingly on a flight back from Spain. I'm afraid to say that he drinks it black and has recently progressed to purchasing one of those Italian Stove Top coffee makers which makes him a triple espresso. He is 18 now and bought the machine himself so not much I can do about it. If he fails to get into Uni I think his alternative career will be as a Barista

[Lweji]

One cup is hardly harmful, but the OP was still reasonable to say no, because she doesn't know if the parents would actually be ok with it, and her own kid don't have it.
But comparisons with other drinks saying "they also have caffeine" are unreasonable, because the amounts differ widely.

[FryOneFatManic]

I'm 46 and I've been told I was given tea before 1 year old.

Both my DCs like tea (they're aged 11 and 14), but we don't drink tea or coffee at meal times. I waited for them to make the decision to try tea or coffee, I never offered, as they are a like or hate type of drink.

I would be happy giving coffee, but I would have checked first because some parents might not be happy, and yes, a child could easily be trying something on the sly if they don't actually have it at home.

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

Lweji But she doesn't know if the parents would be okay with hot chocolate, or anything else she might offer - why is coffee the special thing that needs checking?

[kaykayred]

Isn't the general rule "if I don't give it to my kids, then I check with the child's parents before giving it to them"? It's better to take a cautious approach if you have any doubts whatsoever, rather than just blindly giving it to them. What's the worst that can happen? They say "yes...of course..." and you say "okay great. I just didn't want to risk dumping a super hyper child back on you if they weren't used to the caffeine!".

Better than giving a kid a cup of coffee without question and then their parents hating your guts because they've got a hyperactive kid running around with the shits.

Ten year olds drinking coffee isn't a fact of life on the continent. You get a lot of young teenagers drinking black coffee, but ten year olds? Maybe, but I've never seen it. It seems like one of those urban legends, like "french women still drink when they're pregnant"

[fredfredgeorgejnr]

And surely if an 11 year old wants to be sly and try coffee - they just walk into a café and order one!

[squoosh]

Because coffee is something that many parents don't let their kids drink. Parents rarely have rules about hot chocolate.

[SoupDragon]

Parents rarely have rules about hot chocolate.

Many have rules about sugar. They might also have rules about the added fat, sugar and gelatine of the cream and marshmallows.