To think being sahm to 2 primary aged kids is the life of Reilly?

[Mummyusername]

Just that really. My youngest will start school soon and Im imagining having the perfect combo of me time and then kids' hubbub after school.
Just wondering if I'm missing something though as when working I imagined having way more time on my hands when at home than I actually seem to have?

Each to their own - I couldn't be a SAHM to school age children. Have been off work for 10 days and the novelty wore off pretty quickly.House is tidy and I've had lots of coffee but like most WOHM I manage to do that when I'm working too. Its just boring - grey outside, too cold for walks, hate daytime TV - so no, not the life of riley for me.

I've been a sahm for 7 years now and currently have 2 at school and one toddler. My life is definitely enjoyable for me. I relish being at home (although I am out at play groups and school run, shopping, etc) and love my own company for the most part. I would not say what I do is hard work for me because I like all the things that come with this role.

I do have to try very hard to make friends as I'm not naturally outgoing and have no family in the UK. I really have to push myself to organise activities with others and I work every day to be sociable. That is the only thing I miss about working, as when you have coworkers you are with all day, you naturally become friends with at least some.

Not to romanticise the 50s and earlier, but I think it must have been nice to have most of the women in your neighbourhood also home and be able to pop around for a coffee, take the children for a walk together, see a friend on the way into town to get the daily shop, etc. I think women must have had more companionship then. (Although of course probably didn't have as much support from their husbands as we do now, among other things.)

I am a SAHM to 3 school age kids, this year for the first time ever (worked full time for 20 years and DH was SAHP), so have done both. Both have their own stresses...lack of money, loneliness, boredom as a parent at home plus some domestic drudgery. FT work....stress, exhaustion, guilt etc. Of the two roles I find SAHP very much easier in the short term but I think it will pall eventually. I don't feel as confident or mentally agile as when I was working and I do feel a bit invisible. But DH did it for ages and we agreed to swap. I'm glad I've had the chance to do both.

henny I agree about the companionship. One of the reasons I was happy to become a sahm was to feel part of the sort of community I grew up in myself. How naive I was! Those sorts of communities, where women tended not to work, seem to have all but disappeared. I found it an isolating, soul-destroying existence in the main-particularly in the holidays, but still the life of Riley compared to my old 70-hour-a-week job.

I'm still pretty much a sahm, though not through choice any more, but I have put a good deal of work into retraining, which is at last beginning to pay off.

I wish sahming was better-regarded, though. I feel a bit of a pariah around the school gates....even though I had a full-on career for 22 years before dd, people must think of me as some sort of loser, surely?

I had coffee Monday morning with a friend, child off ill on Tuesday, friend for coffee this morning, another friend for coffee this afternoon. Need to get a jacket for myself so popping to shops tomorrow (assuming sick child goes back to school) Friday I'm seeing a friend for coffee in the morning and another friend for coffee in the afternoon

If I didn't see my friends I would have to join the gym...or work or something

Most of my friends work part time

Rufus

If you didn't see your friends you'd have withdrawal from all that coffee
Everybody works round here or is retired or elderly, so I pop to shops most days and bring back stuff for neighbours. Dd enjoys it too and has often told people its PHSE or citizenship. The older ones talk to her about the war, she loves this and these are the last children who they will be able to tell.

I have been off sick . So to some extent a sahm. It's great. Both loss are full time thu and Friday and having a free day from 9 am to 230pm is like fucking manna from heaven I don't want to go back to work full time the thought makes me want to weep

I must take more effort to manage work life this year as last year was fucking horrendous , work like a donkey for five long days then have two to catch up on everything else ? No way

This year things need to change and yes enjoy the sahm days . Why the hell not

more

Good point well made

I'm off to tell DH that it's a medical necessity that I drink coffee with friends

(I know I could drink coffee at work but that would mean I'd have to multi task )

you're a SAHM for as long as you have children.. you become a lady of leisure when they become self sufficient.

I'm a natural introvert, so i'm happy spending long periods at home by myself, i get my dose of necessary social interaction chatting to my friends at the school drop off/pick up and from talking to my family on the days i spend with them (that incl. my mom and brother)

I dont get bored, i dont feel guilty. As a parent to a child with SN, i feel its important i'm here when he needs me, its not a simple matter of getting childcare, his needs are complex and DH has enough trouble with him on the weekends when i was working as DS doesn't like anyone else doing anything for him other than me!

you're a SAHM for as long as you have children..

But when they're at school, aren't you then a housewife?

Yes! I am on mat leave and eldest dd has just started school. Am envious of the parents whose youngest has just started school and are stay at home parents. Theyhave the day themselves without wrangling a baby. I dream of that but it years away and it will never be me anyway because I will be working. My one day off will be bliss though!

yanbu. I bet it's lovely.

No pension though, I'd be crapping myself having to rely financially on another person.

Some of do all that crap and have a full time job.....just saying. :)

Yes OP, I would imagine it's as close to the life of Reilly you can get without being uber rich with servants etc.

If you have never been the sole wage earner in your house, you don't really have an appreciation of the pressure that it involves knowing that your entire family is depending on you. I'm not saying that being at home is a bed of roses, but sometimes I think people who stay at home think that going out to work is a better option - neither is better per se, they are just different. Being a SAHP to school age children probably gives you the greatest opportunity for time to spend on yourself than any other role I think.

more like 6 hours a day for 160 days approx per year.

Interesting thread, and has given me lots to think about in conjunction with the thread about never working. I'm sure having huge chunks of the day as 'me' time must be lovely!!
But I would feel restless. To me work is something that provides challenges and rewards that I couldn't get from within the home. I have a strong work ethic, and while not particularly ambitious I have a real need to be in the world, and like to think that the work I do impacts on others. i would worry about feeling resentful if my impact was limited to family, if that makes any sense.
Anyway, it sounds like most people are happy with their lot so well done!!

I have three - 10, 5 and 2 - so two primary aged plus toddler. I've been a SAHM for nearly 8 years.

I do agree that if I only had the older two, my life would be very lazy in that I'd effectively have six hours to myself every day. I find it pretty easy to keep housework/laundry etc up to date even with a mad toddler in the house as I'm tidy by nature, get jobs done quickly and keep things ticking over as I go along so it would be an absolute doddle without toddler in the equation. At the moment I can't imagine what I'd do with the time other than spend hours in the garden.

However that said I don't think I'd enjoy that laziness, I would feel too guilty! As a PP has said it's about that pressure on DH of being the sole wage earner, I do feel huge guilt about that. At the moment I can justify the SAHM role to myself because I have DS3 full time and because, having been out of the workplace for as long as I have, I probably wouldn't now earn enough to cover childcare.

But I feel the need to fill my day, to cram it to the max, to achieve things, every day, to take on volunteer roles doing community stuff, to be on the move constantly and never sit down unless I'm driving the car. (This is entirely self inflicted guilty obsessiveness by the way - DH is openly supportive of whatever I want to do in future and thinks I work hard doing what I do and he's really happy and grateful I enjoy the SAHM role). But I have moments of feeling very worthless and I often feel like a lesser human being because I haven't managed to juggle career and children effectively. (I had a very full on professional job which I tried and failed to manage part-time in the months after having DS1). So I always take to heart the comments from WOHM posters on here who proclaim ad infinitum I do everything you do and work full time as well. I need to feel like I'm working bloody hard, like I'm running at full throttle, and if I was SAHM to just the older two I wouldn't feel like I was working bloody hard. Which I would find, mentally, very difficult to cope with.

I'm not sure I'm cut out for the life of Reilly tbh.

diet

sorry you feel that way

diet - apologies if i've hit a raw nerve with my post - I wasn't trying to get at anyone, I just think that some SAHP think that going out to work is an easy option and are up in arms if the person who may have a busy stressful job has the temerity to ask them to do a few things for them in the 6 hours a day that they don't have children in the house to look after. I agree that there is a lot of work that gets done and it absolutely makes the Working parents life easier that that's done and they dont have to come home to a pile of chores. As I said, neither option is the easier per se, but if you are looking for a lot of me time then being at home while the kids are in school affords the best opportunity for that. That doesn't suit everyone. My circumstances are that I was the breadwinner while DH looked after the kids - turns out in later years he hated it and I resented him for years for "stealing" my role and not have the grace to enjoy it. I probably would have hated it too I guess as like you, I don't think i would be happy to be supported by someone else regardless of it being the best financial and emotional decision. Who knows - I think you maybe need to accept that you are fulfilling an important role in the household and making everyone's life easier - that is worth more than money.

I don't feel guilty at all. I gave up my well paying job that I enjoyed because we both felt it would be better for our family. I have 3 preschoolers and I may feel differently when I am no longer looking after little ones all day long. My career should be quite easy to pick up again in comparison to most so I am intending on returning to it. I worry about going back when the youngest starts school. I feel he will be shortchanged. I will be there to pick up the other two at 2pm every day for their early primary years. They'll spend their afternoons at home or in the park with me and each other or whatever we want to do. He'll be picked up by a childminder and won't return home until the early evening. It's a long day for a 4 year old to be away from home. I do see a lot of value in SAHP for primary school children though my youngest DC will not benefit from one and my older two will only have one for a short while.

I know plenty of families a SAHP wouldn't suit so it's not one size fits all. We should all do what suits us as it is way too important an aspect of your life to let other people's opinions influence.

This is a timely thread as I was only thinking about it this morning. DC2 starts school in Sept '16 and I am hoping to keep working just three days a week. My plan then is that, of the two days I have to myself each week, I will spend one running around doing everything & the other doing exactly what I want to do whether that be the gym, lunch, shopping etc, with this day being my day off. Then, at the weekend, I will make sure I take the children out for a few hours given DP some time home alone or to go out & do what he wants. I think we will both be much happier with some proper me time.

Had five blissful months with Dd1at nursery while pregnant with Dd2(I wa doing10 hrs highly paid work from home though and had been doing more) Was looking forward to being a SAHM once Dd2 was at school but fate intervened and Dh became the SAHP and I went back to work . Once he went back to ft work 8 years later I stayed ft working .I think the dynamic of our relationship might have changed had I not worked though .
Am now retired and have no trouble filling my time .I think I would have been happy at home as I'd worked for 13 years before having Dd1and pt between them .Who knows...if you have no money worries,friends in similar position and reasonable self esteem I think it could indeed be a very nice life

Thank you Rufus and myother I do actually enjoy my SAHM role as it is to be fair (probably didn't sound that way from my post though ) - I like the balance of having the older two at school and then full time care of the toddler. It's just that nagging feeling of 'perhaps I could have done it differently' that I guess we all get from time to time.

No pension though, I'd be crapping myself having to rely financially on another person

I have far more in my 401K than my husband does. So when we retire he's going to have to be very very nice to me.

you're a SAHM for as long as you have children.

I'm going to tell my mum she's a SAHM, her youngest is 39. To be fair she's retired but as someone else has pointed out, if your kids are at school / are more independent you are a housewife not a SAHM.

I think that nature loves a void, if we have time we fill it. So when I was on adoption leave I used to wonder how I would have the time to work as I seemed to always be doing something. I look back now and think - having the time to make sure that the floor is spotless by sweeping it four times a day is not busy, having the time to go out for coffee with friends is not busy, neither is choosing to go for leisurely walks.

Getting up at 5 to get your work done so that you can do the washing and cleaning done before the kids get up for school and then going off to do a days work before coming back and cleaning / feeding / doing homework / acting as a taxi / putting kids to bed / doing more work to stay on top of things is busy.

Nothing wrong with being a SAHP and if you can do it, fair play to you. I would if I could, but claiming to be as busy as someone who works and parents is just daft.

I was never busy. I was occupied. I was never bored, either. You're only bored if you choose to be.