To think being sahm to 2 primary aged kids is the life of Reilly?

[Mummyusername]

Just that really. My youngest will start school soon and Im imagining having the perfect combo of me time and then kids' hubbub after school.
Just wondering if I'm missing something though as when working I imagined having way more time on my hands when at home than I actually seem to have?

So many mistakes in my post, maybe my brain has turned to mush :)

This thread has been really interesting. I'm really struggling as SAHM at the moment. I've been one for a 5 years now - unintentionally long as moved 3 times in 5 years & 2 more babies so job hunting seemed impossible as always finding new house, new school etc.

But I'm struggling emotionally. I don't find it fun at all. If I go to another park, another baby & toddler group or have to unload the dishwasher... gah... but then I imagine working & doing pick ups & drop offs & organising childcare throughout the holidays & that doesn't seem much fun either. I'm a mess and not sure my DCs are benefiting from having me around much.

Did you genuinely grow up thinking 'what I want to be when I'm older is the house skivvy in exchange for the opportunity to go for a coffee every so often?' And if you didn't, when did things change and why? (I don't include those looking after elderly parents / children with special needs here)

I grew up with a mother who worked full time. Although she tried, it was very hard for her to be there when we needed her. She had a long commute and was rarely home before 7pm, then she still had loads to do and was exhausted.

I have a university education, a good career which is on hold, a lot of skills, and a determination that my children will get more of my time than I got of my mother's.

Does that answer your question?

wobbly

Same here - my DM worked full time and was never around & I see my sister experience the same - she doesn't see her 3DCs during the week at all really. I think my DCs see too much of me though - I think I'm like an ignored bit of vital furniture.

wobbly same here.

Sauce- that was very much like my experience. Other people think it's great you have all this 'free' time but I'm not a 'home' person. Housework is soul destroying and makes me want to stick my head in the oven. And the DCs just come home and plug into their screens so it's not like we have quality time between 3.30 and 6.

My mum wasn't allowed to work, but it didn't bother her really, she was heavily involved in the community a couple of evenings a week.
Both of them had time to take us places.

I wanted to be like her and be at the school gates, taking to activities, attending school events, cooking their tea, helping with homework and still having a few hours each night for fun family time.

Two have grown up but tell me they are glad we did this for them when they were little.

Can I just point out the obvious drawback.....when you are sick like I am, there is no chance if being able to lie about unless they're both at school. At least if you work, you can get into bed as you already have alternative childcare! Mine are driving me nuts today and all I want to do is puke and sleep. If anybody else is sick in this house, they're waited on hand n foot. Rah.

however. You're only bored if you choose to be.

I disagree with this. If everyone else you know works during the day then it's a lonely life. If you expect it to only be temporary because you are waiting for your health to improve or waiting for a job offer then you can't make the long term plans that can fill a day, like voluntary work or a course.

If you're broke as well then your options become limited to not much more than walking around for hours alone (not near any shops so as to avoid temptation) or dreaded daytime tv, which is a sure fire route to depression.

I'm the kind of person who craves lots of stimulation. It just wasn't a lifestyle that suited me.

A friend of mine said to me that she couldn't stay at home during the week and do house work

So she worked full time and did the house work at the weekend

I only know of one woman who works (part time or otherwise) who has a cleaner...so everyone else I know still does their own housework

I completely understand most reason s why people don't want to stay at home, love their career, need the money, get bored, don't want to step off the ladder etc. all very valid and important reasons

But I don't get the "don't like housework" bit....well don't bloody do it then

If I worked more than 10 hours outside of the home I'd have a cleaner

(I do work but it's only for 4 hours a week)

Jackie I'm definitely stuck in that rut too. I couldn't sleep last night because I felt so fed up being in a groundhog day cycle of school pick ups, supervising homework, cooking supper. Problem with this groundhog day is when it's done I'll be ten years older - time isn't standing still.

I find housework so boring - laundry folding & putting away & dishwasher piss me off more than anything. I don't mind cleaning as much because you know - dirt is grim - but god, putting everything away endlessly day after day ....

I've just looked at an online course to get me back to work and I'm not sure my brain can cope with it though... !

If I had a few kids and a husband who earned decent money I'd love to stay at home.

As it is I'm a LP to 2, work 40 hours a week and still have to do my bills, cleaning, washing etc on the weekend.

Life's not fair

I remind myself of that sub - I was a single mum for five years & worked full time and spent most of my time running to work / train / nursery. Never happy me

Women on MN often question how a woman could be anti-feminist but when I read posts about SAHM's letting the side down for women it really depresses me. I really love my job and have always worked at least a few hours a week so as not to lose my skills but my primary focus was always my kids. DH and I were in agreement that one or other of us would always be there for the kids when they were at home. Once all at school we agreed that other than unavoidable circumstances,one or other of us would walk them to school/meet them until they were independent. Now they are aged 8,10,11, they can get to/from school without us but when they get home,always want to have a cuddle and chat about their day, then help with homework,cleaning out pets etc. The 2 years I worked FT whilst DH was job hunting,I found I had very limited emotional energy left for my kids. I would get home at 6pm and they would want my attention and inside I'd be wanting to tell them to go away and give me some space. I am sure they sensed this too. As soon as DH found FT work,I reduced my hours to halftime and this works perfectly. I have never seen myself as 'kept' by my husband.All our money is pooled and we both agree that our kids wellbeing is the most important thing. I have many friends whose family income is several times what ours is but the levels of stress they experience daily is something that no amount of money would justify for me. Womens Liberation has been a wonderful thing in many ways but for the women who only ever aspired to get married and have kids(and there are plenty women like that) , some of those choices are being eroded as more and more couples both work and house prices have now risen to reflect 2 incomes so even those who don't want to work are forced to to afford to live. I think this is sad and I think everyone comes off worse as a result. Couples have far higher stress levels and spend their evenings doing all the jobs that one of them could have sorted during the day.Weekends are taken up with shopping and chores rather than fun family time and some kids only ever see their parents for an hour or so before bedtime when they are tired and grumpy. Give me one income and quality time with my family any day. (and neither DH or myself are high earners)

I do (in my head) though see "working half time and being home when the kids are home as a SAHP" as different from "not working at all and spending the time when the kids are in school volunteering, cleaning, going to the gym, doing hobbies, having leisurely walks, sitting in coffee shops, etc.".

Sahm can be isolating, monotonous and lonely. As well as being easy.

For over 10 years I have had pt work,full time work and been a sahm. I have followed my DH and his career around we've relocated 2. Sometimes financially it's been worse and I have had 3 part time jobs at the same time which caused me to burn out. A pub job finishing at 12.30am cleaning job starting at 4.30am(as DH left for work at 7am) and a pre-school morning job starting after the school run but I still had a toddler at home. at other times times of sahm I was lonely and bored. FT work just didn't work for us as nothing got done we were all tired and stressed DH quite often would be working weekends too. I've found pt 2-3 days or 5 mornings was the best for all of us. Lots of time with DC house work kept on with.

When we decided to have children we both wanted one of us to be around for them, because like wobbly our DMs worked long ft hours. I remember being ill off school and just wanting my own bed and my mum but being shipped off to a neighbour or family Friend. Or home alone when a teen.

I'm again a sahm and actually really enjoying it this time. I volunteer 2 days a week (keeps me sane) walk the dog for excise. I don't know any other sahm. I don't have to worry about harvest festivals, school assembles, Carol concerts, sick days, snow days, inset days, Strike days or school hols. I feel the DCs have the best of me. Yes it can be the life of Reilly if you have the money and a sahm friends too.

I've been both and am currently SAHM to DCs 10 & 7. I love it! I have time to walk the dog, sort out lots of things, garden, read, and MN.
Everything is ironed (unheard of round here), things are where they should be (apart from the dog ) and I am doing "house" projects - this mainly involves making cups of tea for the professionals doing the actual work but it keeps me busy.
I find it is much less stressful than working, mainly because when school cancels a club or puts in a last minute assembly I can smile and say OK rather than think who can collect the kids/ go in my place to the meeting that's in my diary. However i do find myself drifting about a bit and I am much less focused, and I think I am only enjoying it because I know it isn't permanent... I will soon be back at work as we can't afford the life of Riley on a single income unfortunately but I am looking for a part time job that works - as far as possible - around school. Think I've found it and I am soooo excited!

In my head I'd love to stay at home and do housework as I end up spending my weekends doing it and even then the place is still a mess most pf the time. It's never going to happen as I am the major wage earner and the boys are now young teenagers. I am sure the reality of it would be very different and because I've always worked and we've moved away from family, most of the friends I've made are through work and therefore aren't about during the day. I wouldn't have a circle of friends available to do things with during the day and without being at the school gates/nurseries or toddler groups, less forums to make new ones.

This morning I dropped my four year old off at school, then my two year old off at nursery.

I then went to meet a friend for a coffee. Then went to get a manicure. Then home to do some admin and tidy up. Then pick up daughter from nursery, straight home and put her to bed and she napped for two hours. During which I had lunch, did shoe shopping for the children, did laundry and sorted out my diary. Then we left to pick up my schooler, had a nice chat at the school gates with a friend, came home, played 20 mins of Lego (my maximum) and now I'm mumsnetting. I'll start dinner shortly. DH will be home at 8pm, everything will be tidy and dinner ready, we will have a chat and then carry on watching broadchurch.

It's a bit stepford wife, but I love it, I really do.

I'm finding this discussion very interesting. this and the one about tiger mums

I have 2 under 3 and find the SAH bits easier now that I'm studying half the time. (As is dp, our modules don't clash fortunately). I found being a SAHM quite hard and like twat face said isolating. I was comparatively young when I had DS1 and I felt out of place doing the whole mum and baby's thing. And quite bored. I also found it quite hard to say I was a SAHM.

I'm much happier studying and being out of the house occasionally.

Agree - once they're at school it is indeed a piece of cake.....which you can have with your feet up in peace. I'm currently not working after being full time for the past 4 years. Unbelievable difference. Do need to get a job though as DH working v hard at v full on job and frankly, it's not fair on him.

I tried being a SAHM for a few years but once the children went to school I just couldnt bear it. What got to me was the repetitiveness and smallness of my life. I also have a low boredom threshold and like to be active which worked against me.

I found that the SAHM's I met spent their time having endless conversations around decorating, childrens activities, cooking etc and I just didnt naturally fit into that coffee morning crowd (and didnt want to make myself) so I spent a lot of time alone. I liked them and know I am PT meet them for coffee now and then but I just could do it week in week out.

Once I got past 11, it was fine but that period when you arrive into the empty house with just housework, a book, internet, gardening etc to look forward to was soul destroying.

I kept an clean, organised house (without a cleaner, I felt I had to do something) , cooked fresh meals and did lots of childrens activities but I still had large gaps in my days. I really struggle to see how SAHMs can claim to be so busy.

i work pt. i get quite lonely on my days off. 2 days at home is more than enough for me. it is easy and relaxing but it often makes me feel sad. i need a dog

I don't think I've ever had endless discussions about stuff like that to be honest. Not beyond a "what did you get up to at the weekend?" small talk type chat

I foster, I belong to a local photography club and a knitting/sewing group. I volunteer at our food bank and at school, I have a dog that needs walking for a good couple of hours every day. I was studying for a while but have now finished and am just waiting for the next level to start in September.

I don't have a whole lot more time during the day than I did when I worked full time or I had DC at home. It's stuff I want to do and enjoy, but I'm still busy and I am never bored.

It was only ever meant to be a temporary thing for us. I was made redundant at the same time DH was offered a fantastic job and I was newly pregnant with DD2. It made sense for me to stay at home for a while, however following house moves and changes of circumstances over the years, I'm not sure I'll ever go back properly. If we want to continue fostering I can't go back

Stinkle the women I met were not fostering and studying. I can see how that takes up ones day