To have an allergic reaction to this letter from school - is it misguided?

[Somethingtodo]

I am fully supportive of a uniform policy and enforcing it - but fond the language below offensive for some reason - like to girls are to blame for sexual predators....how should I respond - want to make a point in a reasonable rational way...

Dear Parent/Guardian,
Urgent: Appropriate Uniform Standards
Unfortunately, I am forced to write to you again to request that you support our drive for every student to
attend school appropriately dressed. We must ask you to review the uniform your child has to ensure, for
instance, that skirts are of the appropriate length of decency. The school policy has always been that the
skirt needs to be knee length but some of our female students are not dressed appropriately with a normal
and reasonable standard of modesty. This is unacceptable and a safeguarding concern as some are
indecently placed halfway up the thigh. From next Monday 26th January 2015 I will strictly enforce this
basic expectation and any student wearing a skirt at an inappropriate length above their knee will be
issued with a serious sanction for flouting school expectations. I appreciate your full support in this as we
are work together to keep students safe.

My post, Original? No drip feed. Seff has just chosen to think she knows best what I believe!

It may well be decided that the girl in question needs to be talked down. But also that my colleague needs to learn better classroom management.

The reason this is so complicated is that it happened in a classroom, not 'out there' in the real world. We have to tie ourselves in knots so we are not perceived as 'victim blaming' or hiding something nasty.

If someone were to suggest that the student should be asked to re-think her statement there would be screams of indignation. And how would you set about doing that? She does believe he deliberately leered at her and made her feel very uncomfortable. Given her anger and embarrassment she will be referred to a counsellor - further underlining in her mind that she was wrong, needs to change her mind, be corrected.

But he will also have to be censured. Maybe even retrained in safeguarding and classroom management procedures. How do we do that without insinuating to all and sundry that he was culpable?

Thankfully this happens really rarely (20 years and this is only the second impasse I have known of). But it is the worst case scenario that underlines why some rules must exist. Which was the point I was making originally!

nomama - in your experience how should I handle my meeting the the Head Mistress? am I likely to enlighten her?

Yes I am - the point of my letter was to call her on her ignorance.

I will expand on the points I made in my letter. It is not a deal breaker for me so no I have no intention of whipping my daughter out. My aim is to enlighten the ignorant....

The letter sounds fine. Regarding safe guarding, I interpreted it to mean protecting male members of staff who could be accused of ogling if they criticise skirt length.

I dont see anything in her letter that indicates safe guarding of her staff?

Ask her all your questions, very clearly and bluntly.

Ask her what she really meant. Tell her why your response is so angry, disbelieving, puzzled.

Ask her to clarify the points that annoyed you.

Let her talk, listen and ask all the follow up questions that spring to mind, again bluntly.

Then repeat back to her what you understand, ask if you now understand what she meant.

Be polite, but leave her very clear why the letter made you so angry. Why it surprised you.

Let her tell you how she will put it right.

We have 'those parents' and angry parents in regularly. Angry parents usually have a point and, when they have got over the initial difficulty of how to talk to us we can sort something out that makes everyone more happy. When 'those parents' come in we go into a different mode altogether. More of a bunker mentality, wait for the moment we can pass them up the food chain, give them the address of the board, hide no contact detail and duck.

So by all means be angry, but don't be stubbornly correct and deaf to whatever she says.

Good luck.