Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Examples of weirdness from inlaws.

356 replies

lovelydoggies · 17/01/2015 23:56

Not sure if I'm posting in the right section but I'm talking about weird, unreasonable or plain bonkers behaviour from Mils, Fils, Sils....the lot.
I could write a book about mine, I don't know where to start.
One example comes to mind of Mil....she totally refused to spell any of my children's names right. When I used to tell her all she would say was "does it really matter"Shock.....
I mean what do you say to that. Confused

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 18/01/2015 13:16

I won't be a MIL (no kids) [smug]

Thurlow · 18/01/2015 13:19

I'd been with DP nearly 2 years before I met his family (we were at uni so meeting families was easily avoided).

His parents had been separated since he was about 12. But when I turned up that first day, his dad was there and he and DP's mum pretended as if they were still together. As if DP had failed to mention that his parents had been separated for ten years Confused

MamaLazarou · 18/01/2015 13:22

This is not a thread about MILs but about in-laws in general. Try not to take it so personally.

kewtogetin · 18/01/2015 13:22

My best friend had an awful pregnancy, years before she had suffered a broken pelvis in a car accident and the strain of pregnancy meant she was in agony and bed bound for most if it, and also heavily dosed up on morphine. During this time her husband worked away in America frequently so he asked his (retired) mother if she would help out, popping round to the house to check on best friend, running the Hoover round and getting some good shopping in etc. she happily obliged and after the birth the baby spent some time in hospital being weaned off the morphine and my friend was in a wheelchair for several weeks post birth meaning when paternity leave ended her MIL again helped out.
When the baby was 8 weeks old my friend received a letter through the post, it was an invoice, all formally typed out, from the MIL for 'services rendered' she had noted all the dates/times she assisted my friend, decided her hourly rate was £10ph and even included her petrol costs and 'anti social hours bonus' for times she had helped after 7pm. To say my friend was speechless would be an absolute understatement.

MamaLazarou · 18/01/2015 13:23

My BIL moved to Australia in 2003. He has a wife and two children but contacts DH on a regular basis complaining that he has no family and is all alone in the world (they are both NC with both parents for various reasons).

And he wears crocs. He is 43.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 18/01/2015 13:29

eme.
Please do move out for the 3 weeks. Or you are letting your DH walk all over you just like your MIL.

You don't have to put up with unwanted guests in our own home. Especially ones that are so rude to you.

To be honest you shouldn't move out at all but insist she stays in a hotel or else.

FoxgloveFairy · 18/01/2015 13:31

Kewtogetin, holy God, you have got to be joking?Shock

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 18/01/2015 13:31

I don't mean walk all over you on purpose btw. But he is still putting her feelings above yours when's she's been vile to you.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 18/01/2015 13:32

kew

What was the outcome of this ?

APipkinOfPepper · 18/01/2015 13:32

While my DH and MIL were waiting outside the church on our wedding day, she told him that he obviously didn't care about his father (who had died before I met DH) as he never mentioned him. I was not aware at the time, as far as I was concerned I had a wonderful day - DH told me later when we got the photos back as it was obvious something had happened!

flora717 · 18/01/2015 13:50

My (ex) MIL is quite unique at times. She refers to herself as my DD's REAL grandma. Genetically they have 2, in practical terms they have 4 women who are in the grandmother role.
She THROWS AWAY shoes / clothes that my children have worn to hers when they stay, clauming they "will not wash clean" and replaces them with items that I consider too thin, too "mature" and just plain ugly. She talks openly in front of her 4 granddaughters how mum's "only ever want sons just like she had. She believes this is why her two sons marriages failed btw. Because their wives never bothered to have sons.
She's quite crackers.

bubalou · 18/01/2015 14:05

ShockShockShock At some of these!

I thought the digs and weirdness from my MIL were bad but they aren't anywhere on the creepy and scary scale!

MIL likes to call me unreasonable / strict / unfair and pull faces at me since DS was born 6 years ago because of food mostly. If I don't let him have fizzy, sweets etc.

She is very big (this isn't a size-ist issue, it's a health thing) DH was big when he was younger due to their 'food is love' attitude and his sister now 40 is still extremely big and has always suffered with weight related health problems.

When ds was 2 they took him out for he day and let him drink a pint of coke! When I told her this was unacceptable she was Shock at me. I told her no coke and they took him out 2 weeks later and let him drink a pint of 7up. When I went mad she smiled at me smugly and said 'you told me no coke, nothing about lemonade'. Hmm

I had to be super clear after that. I would leave DS a plate of food for lunch if she was having him and then come home to find it in the bin and for her to say she had let him eat a pack of Jaffa cakes instead. Confused

Ridingthestorm · 18/01/2015 14:13

Not an in law but my uncle (my father's brother) OFFERED to decorate my grandma's tiny sitting room. She quite happily went with my dad to buy the wallpaper and brushes etc. A week after it was done, my uncle popped round for his 'payment'. My grandma was gobsmacked. He wanted £200 (1995 by the way) for services. She refused saying that had she known, she would have said no (my dad would have done it - as he has many other things - for free). My aunty (her DIL) came round the next day, swearing and cursing outside her bungalow (she was 68 at the time) and threatened her that she would never see her DGS again (my cousin was 7 at the time and as we have come to find out, is not my biological cousin. She had numerous affairs, doesn't know the dad and has known for years that uncle is bisexual, as do my grandma and father. I wasn't to know this until 7 years later). Needless to say, they have been ousted from the family ever since. Despite my 'aunty'is' affairs and uncle's sexuality, they are, to our knowledge, still married!!!

kewtogetin · 18/01/2015 14:49

The outcome was......they paid her! She is still 'on the scene' although not in the hands on grandparent sense. My friends husband gets a bit embarrassed about it all, in the manner we all possess at times, ie 'I'm allowed to slag off my family but nobody else is'! It's difficult for him to admit that it was twatty of his mother to do this and he gets all blustery and defensive about it.

Baliali31 · 18/01/2015 14:57

MIL who buys Christmas presents for 'mummy and daddy' but really for herself to get alone time with my young baby ie restaurant voucher with 'AND GRANNY WILL BABYSIT' printed on the front. Pretty weird. Writing labels on young baby's presents to for baby to 'read' on Christmas morning. Pretty random. So granny can be 'involved' which was also pretty weird as she was coming over to see baby on Christmas morning anyway.

ThinkAboutItTomorrow · 18/01/2015 15:15

PIL stopped speaking to DP for 9 months once because he told his gran that their dog had died. Apparently it was crass and insensitive to share such personal information.

sadly they renewed contact when told I was pregnant and they seem determined to stay in touch now.

kickassangel · 18/01/2015 15:27

mine is really minor and I find it amusing. If I've done something to upset MIL (wearing my slippers wrong, or not having the right lamp turned on) then she waits until she thinks I can't see her, turns to look at me, and does a perfect cat's bum mouth with slight shoulder shrug, then turns back to what she was doing. I've seen her do it a couple of times from the corner of my eyes, so who knows how often she does it when I haven't noticed?

And yes, she really gets upset if my slippers have a tassel that hangs, not a bow that is tied. I am wrong to wear them like that, apparently.

TellmetogetonwithmyWork · 18/01/2015 15:28

Balaila - i would love a voucher for a meal with an offer of babysitting Hmm

elliejjtiny · 18/01/2015 15:31

MIL is lovely most of the time and we get on well but her step-MIL is another matter. DS4 was born with very obvious health issues that were diagnosed at the anomaly scan. So before he was born we had all the hand wringing and telling me how difficult it was for her.

DS4 was born prematurely and the birth was very traumatic for me and we said no visitors to NICU please apart from us and his siblings as I had PTSD and was really struggling with bonding etc. She assumed this didn't apply to her and sneaked in to see him when we weren't there.

Then when DS4 came home she brought one of her friends round to our house because "I was just telling Edith how terrible it was about DS4 and she wanted to see for herself". Her friend looked at DS4 at the doorstep (I wasn't going to invite them in but was too gobsmacked to kick them out), tutted and said "oh dear, I see what you mean". I was absolutely furious. DS4 is 19 months old now and I still fume whenever I think about it.

Ememem84 · 18/01/2015 15:33

Have just had Sunday lunch at parents. We mentioned mil coming over.

Parents are planning on being away at this time so someone will have to move in to take care of the cats. I've already agreed to it.

Dh is a bit annoyed. But I can't let the poor babies starve can I...?

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 18/01/2015 15:41

eme. Does this taking care of mean living with Wink ?

Jesus I can't believe kew that they paid her. I'd have told her to fuck right off !! Some people are so polite pushovers.

And the 2 year old and the pint of coke ...well I'm sorry but I would have said the reason I didn't want him having it was because I didn't want him ending up obese and unhealthy like her. And that if se didn't have the sense not to know that a 2 year old can't have these things then she wouldn't be looking after him unsupervised.

But then I told my own mother to shut it and keep her beak out only yesterday and she's allowed to take far more liberty than an inlaw or frankly anyone not my mum or dad.

SunshineBossaNova · 18/01/2015 15:46

I posted about my XMIL because she became incredibly weird during and after my split from XH. She was absolutely ruled by XFIL and seemed to be alarmed that I wouldn't just accept the same.

My current MIL is wonderful. We often go out together without DH and have a great relationship.

Ememem84 · 18/01/2015 15:47

Yes. Of course. The poor kitties can't possibly survive on their own. They need feeding watering cuddling snuggling etc.

Namechangeyetagaintohide · 18/01/2015 15:51

Excellent sounds a good plan !

AndyWarholsOrange · 18/01/2015 16:29

I swear Mrs Doyle was based on my Irish MIL. At home, I tend to skip breakfast, have a small lunch and then a bigger evening meal. However, I make an effort to eat breakfast when staying at MIL's so as not to seem rude. Conversation will go:
MIL: So what would you like Andy?
Me: I'll just have a couple of slices of toast please.
MIL: With a wee sausage and a bit of bacon?
Me: No thanks, just toast is fine thank you.
MIL: Just with the sausage then?
Me: No really, toast is fine, I'm not really one for big breakfasts.
MIL: What about a wee bit of scrambled egg?
Me: No really, I'll just stick to toast.
MIL: A wee tomato?
Me: (counts to ten under breath) No, honestly, I really am fine with toast.
MIL: I could fry you some mushrooms?

5 minutes later...

MIL: More toast Andy?
Me: No really, I'm fine thank you.
MIL: Just one wee slice?

One hour later...

MIL: Cup of tea and a wee slice of cake?
Me: Oh tea would be lovely but no cake thanks, I'm still a bit full.
MIL: How about a wee biscuit?
Me: No really, I'm fine
MIL: A wee bun?
ME: Not right now thank you., maybe in a little bit.
MIL: A crumpet?

And on and on and on.....