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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL going to christening she is not invited to...

211 replies

pepperfish · 17/01/2015 19:47

MIL is the true definition of overbearing, but today was quite a cracker, even for her!

So she was telling us today that she's off to a family christening that she's not invited to. Christening is due to be small and personal with just Grandparents and a few friends from what I hear. We know she's not invited because she has been quite vocal about how much she dislikes the mother of the baby and that she's 'a mental case'. She refuses to call the baby by the proper name as she hates it, and if she has to say it, it's said with a sarcastic tone, even in front of the parents. She's already been to visit the baby (4 hour round trip) after being asked not to as it wasn't convenient and received an icy shoulder from the mother, and awkward one from the father, much to her disgust.

The christening is in a different country and shes actually gone and booked flights and a hotel.

DH and I were totally Hmm and Shock.

AIBU to be giddily awaiting the resulting fireworks?! Grin

8 years of biting my lip at all the daft and insensitive things she's done for DH's sake. This is going to be good.

OP posts:
fuzzpig · 18/01/2015 06:39

MARCH?!?

:o

zipzap · 18/01/2015 07:22

I was going to say warn the parents but if the GP know then warn them, even if you think they know (assume one of them is mil's sibling?) and actively put the responsibility for sorting it out with them.

You can say that you didn't tell the parents as you didn't want to stress them unnecessarily but at the same time absolve yourselves of guilt about not doing anything.

Or do you think the gp have encouraged mil? 'oh just turn up, they won't mind. I know they said it was inconvenient but just go anyway as you can't go when they suggested...'

CuttedUpPear · 18/01/2015 07:52

FuckYouChrisAndThatHorse · 18/01/2015 08:05

If the couple are nice and don't deserve this surprise, then I think you have to warn them. You can say that family politics mean you can't get actively involved, but you just wanted to double check that they knew.

ChocolateTeapotsDontWork · 18/01/2015 08:16

How bizarre and rude. I would warn the parents.

JenniferGovernment · 18/01/2015 09:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Icimoi · 18/01/2015 09:18

I take it you asked her why on earth? What did she say? And did you ask her what she would do if they refused to let her go to the Christening party, if they're having one?

Andrewofgg · 18/01/2015 09:19

OP Please open a new thread when the christening is over and tell all!

herecomesthsun · 18/01/2015 10:18

is she planning to take a Christening present? Marked "open in 18 years"? Containing a spindle perhaps?

Lweji · 18/01/2015 13:06

When you talk to the parents, tell them you are getting a Christening present and you are sending it through your MIL.
They will thus be warned and you can always say that you thought they knew.

ohbollocks2u · 18/01/2015 13:43

speechless ..........

hhhhhhh · 18/01/2015 13:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FarOverTheRainbow · 18/01/2015 13:56

I hope the parents get told her plans and move the christening forward by a week and no one tell her Grin maybe harsh

magimedi · 18/01/2015 14:01

I would certainly tell the parents. I'd be very annoyed if I were them & no one had told me.

ChocolateTeapotsDontWork · 18/01/2015 18:55

I hope the parents get told her plans and move the christening forward by a week and no one tell her

This. Not harsh at all and that way they would get who they want there without any weird unasked relatives turning up.

fishinabarrell · 19/01/2015 09:06

I hope the parents get told her plans and move the christening forward by a week and no one tell her

LOL or to a whole other venue. I would wonder if the grandparents don't know though, since they must have given her all the information- dates and venue etc. What were they playing at if they know what she's like?

ApocalypseThen · 19/01/2015 09:51

Off topic, but some have mentioned getting invited to funerals. What kind of a funeral do people get invited to?

iklboo · 19/01/2015 09:58

I've been invited to colleagues' funerals, friends of MIL that I knew through her etc - not direct or close family.

ApocalypseThen · 19/01/2015 10:16

But if someone wasn't invited, would that be an issue?

iklboo · 19/01/2015 10:18

Yes if they were only there to cause trouble or had done through the person's life.

HolyTerror · 19/01/2015 10:22

Apocalypse, I always find the idea of being 'invited to a funeral' very odd, too, but I think it's a cultural issue. I'm Irish, and in Ireland, funerals take place in the days immediately after the death, so the places and times of the different bits are all put in the paper with the death announcement, and in rural areas often announced too on local radio. No one would think anyone needed to be 'invited', apart from possibly for a pub meal or back to a relative's house after the burial, and even then that invitation would just be given on the day.

When my paternal grandfather died, a dozen or more childhood neighbours of my mother, who had only met my grandfather once, twenty years earlier at my parents' wedding, travelled forty miles to the removal and the funeral itself. This is entirely usual in Ireland. But it seems very different, and much more 'private' in the UK.

Chippednailvarnish · 19/01/2015 10:24

Please tell me that the church has a live feed webcam...

Pastamancer · 19/01/2015 10:33

The only funerals I've been aware of that are 'invite only' tend to be celebrity ones. For most people there is an announcement in the paper as the family have enough to do without inviting people.

ApocalypseThen · 19/01/2015 10:34

Yeah, Holy Terror, I'm in Ireland too and the idea of inviting anyone seems odd, people really just come if they know the deceased or the deceased's people. Having been around when a funeral is being organised, I can't imagine the family coming up with a guest list and contacting people.

Icimoi · 19/01/2015 10:37

I've certainly never been invited to funerals, and I've always lived in England. If people publicise the date and time, it surely has to be taken as a general invitation to anyone who wants to come. If anything in my experience the rule is that any family and friends can turn up unless the family of the deceased says otherwise.