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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not be 'Mummy'?

348 replies

Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 17:57

Dd is approaching one and there are some babbles of 'ma ma mama mama' which are cute.

Recently I have been thinking about this and I'm not altogether sure I want to be 'mummy.' I wondered if anyone else was known by their first name which is what I presume would replace Mummy?

OP posts:

JJXM · 17/01/2015 18:22

My DS has autism and I am desperate for him to call me mummy rather than by my name - although he's almost 5 and just started speaking so him calling me anything is an achievement!

Tzibeleh · 17/01/2015 18:22

Call yourself 'mother'.

When I was a child several of my parents' friends did not like mum/mummy and dad/daddy, either.

Their dc used:
Mama & dada
Ma & pa
Mother & dad
There was one family who used m'ma and p'pa (they weren't even posh)

Oddly, though I remember kids using 'mother', I don't remember any of them using 'father'.

msgrinch · 17/01/2015 18:23

my ds calls my dm boo. A name he chose for her himself as a babbling baby. We have no idea where it came from but it's stuck. Maybe your dd may name you herself.

CalicoBlue · 17/01/2015 18:23

I don't think you are being unreasonable, it is up to you and your DD to use whatever name you want. Though at nursery and school I think you will find she does start calling you Mummy as others will refer to you as such.

My sister and I called my father by his first name, my friends also used his first name when talking about him. My children called him by his first name too. I still had to call my mother "Mummy" though and she would not let me use her first name, so I used to call her "Me".

LetticeKnollys · 17/01/2015 18:24

I get not liking names which end in eeeeeeee, especially when it's a shrieky toddler who will be using it!

But if you use your first name be prepared that people will think you're a step parent, if that bothers you.

MyGastIsTinselled · 17/01/2015 18:25

I'm sure your child will find a way of saying wailing your name that will set your teeth on edge just as much as 'muuuummmmeeeeeee'

Tzibeleh · 17/01/2015 18:25

"Dd is my daughter, I don't call her Daughter"

I do!

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/01/2015 18:25

We used to call ours Mater and Pater on occasion. For shits and giggles.

Any cultural 'mum' names that are appropriate?

GotToBeInItToWinIt · 17/01/2015 18:26

My favourite thing in the whole world is hearing my 14 month old call me mama. I love it.

TheHorseHasBolted · 17/01/2015 18:26

Calling parents by their first names always makes me think of someone who lives in a hippy commune, but I do know one person who did it from the age of about 12 who was from quite a posh and conservative background. Apparently their parents felt they were getting a bit too old to be using "Mummy" and "Daddy" so encouraged them to use first names instead. What's wrong with Mum and Dad?!

Personally I didn't want to be called Mummy for very long and encouraged my children to use Mum as soon as they weren't toddlers any more,certainly in time for starting school. DH would have been happy to be Daddy for longer but didn't feel very strongly about it either way. I just think children who aren't very little using Mummy and Daddy sound as if they might be a bit spoilt and over-protected, although I know logically that that's not always the case.

MaryWestmacott · 17/01/2015 18:27

Thing is op, that whiny way of saying muuummmeeee is what they will do to your name. It will be whiny and repeated over, and over, and over. You will have days when you hate hearing it.

If you teach them you are mummy, as well as the whiny way they say mummy, they will do the happy, joyous "mummy!" When you walk in after being out for a bit. You'll get the "love mummy" that's heartbreakingly gorgeous from a 2 year old.

There will be a point when your dc will be asked about who their mummy is and they'll say they don't have one...

"Mama" is cuter and less prone to whinging...

Plus everyone will assume you are either a step parent or the help.

Starlightbright1 · 17/01/2015 18:27

My DS had delayed speech and called me mar till he was about 3 ish ( not from Yorkshire) .. so really loved finally been mummy. He has gone through his periods of calling me by my first name...Usually to appear smart. I explained he is the only person in the world who gets to call me mummy and that is why it is such a special word.

I can say for all the kids that call mummy you will instantly know your own. I can also tell you as a child minder .. no matter what they call you your name will be repeated over and over and over again.

Wolfbasher · 17/01/2015 18:27

I am 'Mummy' to DC1, 'Mamma' to DC2 and 'Mum' to DC3. No idea why the difference!

Charley50 · 17/01/2015 18:27

I love being called mummy. Even when he went through a (very long) stage, of saying 'mummy' before EVERYTHING he said to me. It warms the cockles of my heart.

SlurpingCustard · 17/01/2015 18:29

I was called stinky for over a year my own fault for answering to it once

What ever makes you happy really.

AWimbaWay · 17/01/2015 18:29

Was about to say the same as MyGastIsTinselled, it'll just be "Iaaaaaaamintwooooooomiiiiinds!!" instead.

My Dh calls his parents by their names, I hadn't a clue who these people were he kept on about when we first started seeing each other. Personally I find it a bit odd, but each to there own.

Bakeoffcakes · 17/01/2015 18:29

You say you dont like "Muuuuuummmmmmy", so dont want to be called Mummy.

If your name is Jane, you do realise you will hear a lot of "Jaaaaaaaaannnnnne" don't you?

msgrinch · 17/01/2015 18:30

Charley

my ds (6) is doing that at the moment. It's grating.

Bakeoffcakes · 17/01/2015 18:30

Oh x posted with everyone!

MuddhaOfSuburbia · 17/01/2015 18:30

thing is, whatever they call you has no bearing on your actual relationship

dcs calling you by your name doesn't make you their mate/affect the parent/child dynamic

same as them calling you mummy makes no difference

it is super cool, though

WilsonWilsonWoman · 17/01/2015 18:33

Don't you have kids to be a 'mummy'?

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/01/2015 18:33

YANBU. Nevertheless, your children will be encouraged by virtually every other reference going to call you "mummy" or some variant. Unless it's a very big deal for you, I would let it go. I don't like mummy either, but it doesn't stop my children calling me it (not that I try that hard to discourage it, and I didn't realise until they were talking and "mummy" was fairly established). But they sometimes say Boom, and if we're near other adults they will often correct my DC and then I have to say "it's fine I like Boom" and then there's a whole conversation in which they say "ohh I would hate that, how can you be OK with it" etc. Which is far more tiresome than being called mummy. I have also been told by a few friends who had unothdox parents that being the odd one out at school sucked. So I try and rein in my desire on this.

I really don't see the argument that "mummy" is a special thing though, it seems very generic to me. Almost lazy (culturally - I don't think you can call a 1 year old learning to talk lazy!). I don't think there would be anything particularly affectionate about calling my DD "daughter" all the time so I don't know why it's seen as affectionate to call your parents "mum" etc.. A nickname just for family could work though. ...Boomshaker...hmm.

Charley50 · 17/01/2015 18:33

Ms Grinch - my DS did it for years! when he finally stopped I said to him he must have said mummy over a million times 'at least'

Brummiegirl15 · 17/01/2015 18:34

I live in the Midlands but an actually a southerner. Here it's Mom and Mommy.

Over my flipping dead body. It will be Mum and Mummy!! The Mom / Mommy really sets my teeth on edge

msgrinch · 17/01/2015 18:35

he does it to my mum to, it's "booooo??? _"

I have to remind him sometimes that's there's only me in the room!

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