To not be 'Mummy'?

[Iamintwominds]

Dd is approaching one and there are some babbles of 'ma ma mama mama' which are cute.

Recently I have been thinking about this and I'm not altogether sure I want to be 'mummy.' I wondered if anyone else was known by their first name which is what I presume would replace Mummy?

Lol! She wanted to know about other people's experiences, is that wrong?

I called mine "mam" except if we got separated when we were out - I worked out that if I yelled "mam" then half the women in the place would turn around but if I yelled her name it would only be one or two so that made sense.

My eldest has 3 "dads"

Her bio father
My 1st husband who is her "Dad"
My 2nd husband - her "stepdad".

Do you know what somehow we can refer to them by their names or as Dad and we can tell by the conversation who she is referring to.

It's just a name, a label, means very little.

Do what you're happy with your dd won't care

Not sure why some people are getting so het up. Your DD will know that you're her mummy, whether she calls you that or not! There are a million ways to fuck up a child but I'm not sure that not calling you mum is one of them. It's not like you're forcing her out of it. I get the impression that you'd answer to mum if she chose it but you're not actively choosing it.

It's interesting this has had such a strong response even for AIBU. I think it's entirely your choice OP but once you've a toddler whining your name incessantly you'll probably dislike your own name just as much as the name mummy!

My DP and his brother call their mum by her first name and she hates it. They do it partly because they know it winds her up, but mostly because they don't like her too much and certainly don't regard her with much maternal affection.

I don't think you must be called mummy but a nice affectionate nickname between for the two of you is I think a nice thing to share, most of us give our DC these kind of nicknames without thinking so perhaps your DC will have one for you also, even if it's not your choice or the name mummy.

Petallic if I were to try to explain my slight issue with the names given to those of us who have had a child it would go like this...

Society likes to label, pigeonhole and order people in all kinds of ways. We have all kinds of labels for people...some are useful...such as "Murderer" or "Philanthropist" but others, I suspect are there in order to keep people in their place.

I'm not suggesting that being a Mother is anything bad of course...it's wonderful and marvelous and all that but why should my entire identity...my name...change as soon as I have a child? Who decided that and when?

I'd love to know the first recorded use of the word Mother or an equivalent and also what parents were called before then? The same goes for Father.

It's interesting this has had such a strong response even for AIBU.

Absolutely bloody bizarre. And fascinating.

It is clearly a really sensitive issue for some people. I would love a psychotherapist's analysis of this thread, I really would.

Sorry you've had such a hard time OP.

Yes...it's as though some people see it as undermining their very soul! To have their "title" as Mummy questioned. It's such a personal thing though...while I may question it I would never DREAM of diminishing someone else's pleasure in it....good for them if it makes them happy. To me it's just a name...and I resent the lack of discussion around it...you're just expected to accept the name when you have a child.

My youngest only calls me by my first name if he has been saying "mum" and I'm not responding. After so many years of hearing the word mum I sometimes just don't 'hear' it unless the tone is urgent! < selective mum hearing >

I'd hate to have been called anything other than mum by my boys but I have no issue with what other mothers want to be called.

'Ma' always reminds me of Nick Cotton from Eastenders though

Oh, and re: Santa - I wasn't going to do the Santa thing but got browbeaten into it by family who convinced me my kids would be scarred for life otherwise. I call bullshit on that but did the deception in the end as it was just easier.

Both of them worked out Santa wasn't real by the time they were 5 or 6 and told all their classmates They did ask me why I'd told them "a fib" but I don't remember it fracturing our relationship.

My 22 month olD calls me "Squtter" sometimes because I have siblings who are also young children and she likes to copy them.

I correct her but its because I have an irrational annoyance with my Aunt who refers to my GP's by first name and her attitude itself is quite disrespectful so I think I associate it with that too.

MrsT I do see your point, I certainly have felt at times that my pre-baby identities (both professional & personal) were diminished by the juggernaut of becoming a mother and the labelling that goes with it.

I think mothers have always been called ma/mamma/mother. Im sure I read somewhere that many languages have similar sounding words for "mother" which all commonly start with "ma" or "mu" sounds and this is thought to be because its one of the first sounds a baby can make when starting to talk, so we gave ourself a name our babies could say first. So even our pre-historic ancestors could have been listening to the constant whine of "muuummmmeee"

I find anyone much beyond toddlerhood referring to their parents as mummy and daddy to be nauseating and twee, into adulthood it is utterly afffected.

Likewise I get irrationality annoyed when someone is talking about their parents and will say: 'mum says she's off on holiday next week' rather than 'my mum's off on holiday' as if she was the one and only 'mum' in the world.

My children are teens and I find it very weird to be called 'Mummy'. I don't think they actually call me anything, I can't remember when I was last called 'Mummy'. I forget to write 'Mummy' in birthday cards, it just seems wrong to write a name which isn't mine & seems more like an adjective or job description.

My son (8 with asd) has only two regularly used words- maaam and no. I prefer the maaam.

Your complaint of not liking hearing 'muuuuuuuuuuummmmmmmmmmmmmmyyyyyyy' wailed across a supermarket is moot.

You child will use whatever name you opt to call yourself and wail that instead, (Iammmmmmmmmintwwwwwwwwwwoomindsssssssss) and then when you get to the checkout everyone will know whose child is the one wailing, as opposed to be being any child with their mummy, especially is they are still quietly mumbling your name between sobs, and the other babes are just mumbling mummy.

I hate the word mummy when being wailed at too, but believe me, if they wailed psycho I would loathe that, as I love my name and I would hate to have to change that just to get away from the tantruming child I am in charge of

I think it terribly sad to be a mum and then claim you don;t want to be known as their mum - I would LOVE to be able to shout for my mum, and wanted that from tiny. I never had the chance.....was taken into care at 18mths and had to settle for Aunty instead.

Gotta be honest - it is the worst feeling not being able to wail for mummy!

My dd has chosen to call me and dh by our first names, and I couldn't give a rats arse what anyone else thinks of it! She started off saying mummy and daddy, but quickly swapped. She knows to say 'my mummy...' to school friends, teacher etc though so they don't get confused.

Psycho, I think you need reading comprehension skills. The OPdid not say she didn't think her DCS would wail her name across the supermarket, she just mentioned having heard mummy wailed one too many times might* be why she dislikes the sound of it (and that seemed to be quite tongue in cheek as I read it). And she didn't say she didn't want to be known as their mum. She just doesn't want that to be the word they^ use to refer to her. She didn't say she thought it would stop them tantruming. And they will still call for their mum. They'll just be using a different word.

Making analogies to being care is ridiculous. Do you really think the OPs DCs' experience will be remotely similar to that?

Good grief, Iamintwominds, I haven't read much of the thread but skimmed it, there are some real over reactions here! I have known several people who called their parents by their first names, funnily enough one family was very upper-class (boarding school at 7 type family), the others were more liberal/hippies probably coming from an egalitarian no hierarchy point of view… Anyway it really makes absolutely no difference to the child's relationship with the parents.

My mum called her parents by nicknames derived from family jokes, I called my grandparents by their first names...

Eastpoint I forget to write 'Mummy' in birthday cards, it just seems wrong to write a name which isn't mine & seems more like an adjective or job description.

I am the same, my kids do call me mummy (they are 6 and under) but I use my name… If telling them to find their dad I use his first name too - they call him daddy. Both of the kids have gone through stages of calling me by my first name - doesn't bother me one bit.

That was a bit harsh Boom

stars of trackandfield

Likewise I get irrationality annoyed when someone is talking about their parents and will say: 'mum says she's off on holiday next week' rather than 'my mum's off on holiday' as if she was the one and only 'mum' in the world.

I agree, but there's one important exception - when that person is your sibling! My brother (who I don't see all that often due to distance) is forever referring to "my Mum" and "my Dad" in conversation with me and I have to remind him that they were mine too!

I don't think booms comment was harsh: it summed up everything I would have said!

My comment about the supermarket was completely tongue in cheek of course. Mummy does sound shrill and affected, as others have said, and I don't like Mama as it puts me in mind of a doll. Mum is okay but when DDs babbles put me in mind of 'oh, she is trying to say mum', I started thinking about what I wanted her to call me.

Despite saying otherwise in a few posts now people seem to genuinely think I am proposing a complete blanket ban on the word mum: that I will deny being her 'mum' if asked and insist I am sarah (not real name!) which of course isn't the suggestion! Not shouting 'mum' isn't the worst feeling - what you mean is not having a mum which God willing dd will.

If my dad was still alive I think we'd probably have gone with first name or with 'Grandpa-Bill' at the very least.

My ds went through a phade of calling me & dh by our first names around 8-12 yo & younger dd did copy. I thought it was quite cute as it was from them, as itvwere. But then he noticed his friends thought it was a bit odd & were asking him why, so I became Mum again. Which felt like an active endorsement by him of our relationship, so I was pleased again! (even if this is all in my own head!)

However I think my take-home message is that this would mark your dc out at school etc, so you may end up as Mummy anyway because she prefers it.

My dd calls me Hubbard now. As in Old Mother ......

Each to their own.

Actually, I still do have a mother - she is mentally ill hence why taken from her - was forced to see her, and I hate that more (but that is a whole other thread), and will never refer to her to her face as mum or mummy....she revoked that role by doing what she did to become ill in the first place (again, a whole other thread) - she is Mother.

It is actually the worst feeling as a child not being able to use the name all my friends used, and yell for mummy. I had a couple of friends (sisters in fact) who had to use their parents names, they felt like me...hated it. I will concede they were forced to (as opposed to given the choice, as I assume you are with your DD), oh, and we were teenagers, who all hate their parents anyway .

Please don;t belittle my comment about being in care and using it tho - it is valid as I was using it in the context of not being able to use the wird I yearned for - mummy. I now have a wonderful MIL, who I call Mum (Mummy even when teasing)- and god how I love being able to use the word.

You have asked opinions - I have given one from my point of view - and yes, it has damaged me over time. Probably won;t for your DD - you have a whole different relationship.

Regardless, it won;t change your mind it you want to be referred to as Iamintwominds , But like Soupy said further down the thread - only my children have the privilege of calling me Mummy in that certain tone only they use - anyone in the world can call me Psycho. (oh, my real name is unusual - not yet met another - doesn;t change my mind on the Mummy thing).