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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be 'Mummy'?

348 replies

Iamintwominds · 17/01/2015 17:57

Dd is approaching one and there are some babbles of 'ma ma mama mama' which are cute.

Recently I have been thinking about this and I'm not altogether sure I want to be 'mummy.' I wondered if anyone else was known by their first name which is what I presume would replace Mummy?

OP posts:
Jux · 18/01/2015 16:18

I think whatever your child calls you is fine even if your name is Jane and they know a million Janes, when they call you Jane it will be a special Jane loaded with the love and trust that is yours and no one else's.

I have a cousin who made up a name for my grandmother whom we all adored. She was known forever after by that name by all of us, and pretty well everyone she knew.it wasn't her name or anything like it. It wasn't a grandmother sound alike either, it was something straight out of my cousin's head. It meant her though, always.

phoenixrose314 · 18/01/2015 16:26

I do indeed suffer from very low self esteem and confidence issues - what of it? It doesn't undermine my contribution to this conversation, and doesn't make me a worse parent. Or better, either. And in case you missed it, I was TRYING to say that your personal interpretation of the word changes what it means to you... to me it means a lot! To others, who have not had the same experiences as me, it might be just another word.

Jeez. People are very judgey here tonight!

littlejohnnydory · 18/01/2015 16:28

Bloody hell, people don't half get wound up about other people's choices! Talk about reading too much into things! OP, you'll find that mumsnet sometimes has little tolerance for anything remotely different. Personally, I love being called Mummy although I'm not too keen on Mum but think Mummy sounds affected when an adult says it. I'm not offended that you see it as a job title even though I don't. I have a friend whose dc call her by her first name and I wouldn't like it myself but each to her own. Having said all this, we don't do Santa. I have a feeling your children will be absolutely fine whatever they call you.

Lilka · 18/01/2015 16:30

Ah I see phoenix I misread what you said

It IS all about personal interpretation. Mum, mummy etc...those are very subjective words. What is a 'mum'? Who is called 'mum? What does the word mean to you? We have those kind of debates quite frequently on MN in one form or another. It's all very individual. That's why judging mothers who prefer to go by their first name doesn't make any sense to me, nor does feeling 'pity' for their children or anything else.

Bunbaker · 18/01/2015 16:33

I'll admit that I read through the first 4 pages of this thread, but skimmed through the rest.

Once your DD goes to nursery/preschool/primary school is there a possibility that she might get confused or not like being "different" when it comes to making mother's day/Christmas cards? When the rest of the class address their cards to mummy and your DD addresses hers to Iamintwominds there might be comments that she isn't able to handle.

When the nursery teacher says to her things like "give this to your mummy" will she know who the teacher is talking about?

Camolips · 18/01/2015 16:42

Have to laugh at some of these posts!

Twominds, don't let slip you might ration chocolate in the future, some posters might freak and call SS! You abuser you Shock

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 18/01/2015 16:46

Oh for Gods sake!

Of course she'll fucking know I'm her mother!

I called my grandmother Nana but if someone said 'where's your gran?' I knew who they meant; strange that.

OP posts:
MuddhaOfSuburbia · 18/01/2015 16:48

just asked my dds what they thought

they said that when they meet people first, other kids think it's 'a bit weird, but after that they don't bother'

...apart from one girl at Woodcraft Folk, who called them 'hippies'.

At

Woodcraft

Folk

[boggle]

Grin
Original poster
Iamintwominds · 18/01/2015 16:49

To be fair I probably am a bit of a hippy ...

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 18/01/2015 16:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mrsjayy · 18/01/2015 17:00

Could you start with mum and let her call you by your name once she is a bit older she is saying mama because she can and is talking to you so if you acknowledge ma ma then itcis assocastion it will help your baby in her early development

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 18/01/2015 17:03

She hasn't said mama, mrsjayy. Just 'muh' sounds - hi, bye, die (!) 'duh' and 'buh buh' which I adoring parent have squealed 'BABY!' at :)

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 18/01/2015 17:10

There you go just be muh Grin

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/01/2015 17:23

Surely if Iam refers to herself as Iam and acknowledges "Ia" sounds then her DC will develop just as other children do with "ma" sounds?

PiperIsTerrysChoclateOrange · 18/01/2015 17:31

Dc can call me what ever they want.

Dd likes winding me by calling me momma

AuditAngel · 18/01/2015 17:38

My four year old has suddenly started calling me "Mother" (or more often, when forgetting her proper pronunciation "Muvver", cracks me up every time.

I am Mum, Mummy, Mama and now Muvver Mother

mathanxiety · 18/01/2015 18:21

Mrsjayy is right about the language development angle. BoomBoom is right about OP referring to herself using the name she wants the DD to use (so OP should drop the pronouns). This comment is from a language development pov -- acknowledgement of fledgling attempts to make verbal contact is important.

HolyTerror · 18/01/2015 18:43

My son is only two and a half, and calls me by my first name or a nickname, and has never had a moment's confusion about who was being referred to when his childminder or the HV/GP referred to his mummy. Neither do his peers appear to have an issue with it. Neither do I expect him to grow up a pinched, joyless adult because he didn't address me as 'Mummy' or literally believe a bearded man in red came down the chimney once a year. Honestly.

NobodyLivesHere · 18/01/2015 19:02

Just because my children dont call me mummy doesn't mean they dont know I am their mummy. So when asked by anyone if I am mummy they all say yes. 'Of course you are my mummy aren't you Emmy?' That easy!

HSMMaCM · 18/01/2015 19:20

DD called my by my first name for no apparent reason. It was a bit weird, but also nice in a way. She's 15 now and calls me first name/mother/mummy/mum depending on her mood. All are fine (not keen on Mum).

TheHorseHasBolted · 18/01/2015 20:14

I have to say I don't agree with this:

if you want your DD not to call you Mum(my) you'll probably need to remind everyone else not you refer to you as "your Mum" or "your Mummy" when talking to DD about you.

She can know the word "mum" and that it is a noun that refers to one's mother. She'll be able to say "my mum is called Sue" or whatever in the same way that she'll be able to say "my teacher is called Mrs So-and-so." I don't think the OP was ever suggesting that she must never be exposed to the word "mum" at all.

As a real-life example, when my brother and I were little, my mum sometimes used to say things like "leave your brother alone." It didn't stop me knowing and using his actual name.

I think you should stick to your guns, OP. It's not what I would have preferred for me, but if it's what you will feel most comfortable with, I think ultimately it will make your relationship with your DD better, not worse. It's not a great start for a relationship if you are constantly being called something that irritates you.

SeasonsEatings · 18/01/2015 21:50

YABU but actually deep down you do know that don't you?

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 18/01/2015 21:54

How patronising.

OP posts:
SeasonsEatings · 18/01/2015 22:09

Why have you started this thread?

Original poster
Iamintwominds · 18/01/2015 22:13

I started the thread to clarify my own feelings, to see what, if any, alternatives others may have used and to see if there were any good reasons to go with a title I dislike.

Do you ask everyone that question, seasons? As to be honest 'why did you post' seems to be used as a bit of a catch-all to be rude or patronising or unpleasant - well why did you post if you didn't expect rudeness, it seems to be arguing.

I certainly didn't post to be told I was selfish, as I am not, or that people feel 'sorry' for dd, which I think is an absolutely horrible thing to say, or to be rebuked like a naughty ten year old.

OP posts: