To not be 'Mummy'?

[Iamintwominds]

Dd is approaching one and there are some babbles of 'ma ma mama mama' which are cute.

Recently I have been thinking about this and I'm not altogether sure I want to be 'mummy.' I wondered if anyone else was known by their first name which is what I presume would replace Mummy?

DS1's father always wanted to be called his first name rather than Daddy. DS1 started calling DH Daddy when he was about 5.

My kids call me 'Mama' (pronounced Mam-a not Mam-ah), I prefer it to Mummy but would answer to that too I guess.

OP you haven't mentioned your DD's father. If she has one in her life
(a) what does he want to be called; and
(b) how does he refer to you when talking to your DD?

I think you are being selfish. It's not about what you want, but what's best for your DD.

It's not about what a child has chosen and the parents accepted, this is about you telling your daughter you don't want her to call you mummy. That seems very sad to me.

personally think it's sad, and your daughter may feel left out like she doesn't have a mum like her peers!

The OP's daughter has a mother.
I actually think it's sad that children, especially older and grown -up children don't use their parents' first names.

HolyTerror I have to say, even though I called my own mother Mummy and then Mum, it also sounds middle class and twee to me now, mother to American children who call me Mommy. I don't know why something about the way the DCs say 'mummy' if they are trying on a British Isles accent. Weirdly, the DCs have never called me Mom, which all American children seem to graduate to at a certain point. They are all well beyond that point now. DS has his own name for me that he uses as well as 'Mah'. At one point he used 'Mehm' as in South Park.

If the DCs were Irish I would have liked them to call me Mammy (the better to match my Irish Mammy persona). Even 'Mutti' sounds better to my ear than Mummy. In fact, the more I think of it, the more Mutti grows on me..

OP if you want to get your DD to call you by your name then you need to stop using the pronouns I and Me when talking to her, and use your name instead. Otherwise she may well start calling you Me, or I.

A lot of people surprise themselves by omitting pronouns when talking to babies, and using common and proper nouns instead -- it seems to be an instinctive language teaching method that kicks in and is replaced (again instinctively) with pronouns at a later stage. Do you have to suppress an inclination to use a noun or consciously use Me or I when talking to her?

Greywackejones, you sound completely insane. Why does someone not wanting to be called mummy mean she has PND?

I know you feel this is normal, I'm really not convinced. A first for me but I'm actually concerned for pnd, depression, overwhelment or other. Well I say concerned, not like I'm going to stalk you or make you attend therapy. But there's a disconnect. Somewhere.

And it isn't rude, disrespectful, odd, sad or any of those other things some of your tiny minds are imagining.

Second the poster who said, 'oh dear'.
This is going to end in therapy. Either you or the kid.
Good luck, I guess.

Right now, we are Trina and babes, not sure its your call to be honest, it might rely on what your child wants

One of my boys decided he wanted to call me by my name aged 8, told him he could, but anybody can call me missing, only he and his brother can call me mummy... After some consideration I am still Mummy

OP of corse you can do whatever you want. But I think all cultures and languages have a generic easy to say cvc word for the female parent, the male parent and the child themselves. There is a reason for this.

In the 70s my aunt I think felt like you and tried variously to get my cousins to call her first name (epic fail),then maman (they are not french). But mostly it was muuuum,like 90% of the population. There is a reason for that.

Oh no, I'm definitely Mummy! My DC would get a stern telling-off if I ever heard one of them utter "Bathsheba!"

Bathsheba Why? What an odd statement. You'd still be their mother.

Blimey, strong responses!

I honestly think people have read a lot into the statement. I will initially refer to and respond to my first name, it doesn't mean I will beat, scald or deprive my daughter if she calls me mum in the future!

I'm trying, and failing, to see how not being Mum is selfish or will end in therapy for either of us. Do people feel anything that deviates from the norm, no matter how minor, is an indication of being less than sane? Which is quite bizarre! I've HAD therapy anyway - counselling at any rate - and let me tell you plenty of very ordinary and balanced people go because they have some problems or sadness they want to work through.

Dd may decide one day she wants therapy and hopefully this won't be directly because of me but you know, even if it is ... I've STILL got her back like no one else in the world and I love her more than i can say and hope I won't be one of her problems!

To me, 'mum' is a word and a word I don't like. Others see it an an indication of a relationship and seem to think I'm rejecting the relationship because I don't like the word, which obviously I'm not.

I love being called mummy and now I totally understand why my own mum was a bit sad when I started calling her mum instead of mummy! I'll feel sad when that happens.

My DS is 5 but has a speech disorder and until he was 4 he called me bubby because he couldn't say mummy. I was so proud of him when he first said mummy properly but I really miss him calling me bubby!

I naturally called my mother and grandmother (who raised me) mummy X and mummy y. It was a measure of my understanding that one was my mother and the other was in a maternal role.

Being a hoarder of cards, it's interesting to see that my mother signed her cards X until I was bordering onto adulthood and then went for mum. But it was too late and she'd missed her chance.

My "dad" was not technically related, but I still feel very precious that he was my dad, and hate it when people apply that title to the wrong person. "Mum" is still reserved for the person who mothered me.

At school, I got flack for my family and calling them mum and dad, although I think that reflected more on the main perpetrator and his own mummy issues.

I don't think you can disconnect parental titles from their symbolism. when a child chooses to call their parent by their name. It's different to enforcing something not natural to them. Words to describe the mother have evolved because they are natural for a young child to say as they start forming words. Depending on your name, it could take your child a long time to say properly.

It's just a word OP. I'm not sure how anyone can dislike a word, unless it is a word which is intended to cause offence, which 'mummy' is obviously not.

Bloody Norah! End up in therapy? Not having a mum?

This place is mad as a box of frogs sometimes

Dont overthink it op. Just be really lazy dont bother referring to yourselves or each other as mummy and daddy. Just say 'can i have it/give it to me' etc. Dcs aren't daft: they hear you addressing each other by name and copy that

As I said upthread (I think) ours all ended up calling us by name by accident rather than design. Any posters worried about their wellbeing and stability can be assured that no other crucial aspect of their upbringing has been omitted

I have a friend whose daughter calls her by her first name. The little girl still elongates it and turns it into a whine when she wants something- think 'Luceeeeeee' (it's not that). It's actually very irritating to listen to, probably in the same way that 'Mumeeeeeee' is irritating. It's the whine, not the name that you are reacting to!

Do you not like some names gotto?

I just don't like the sound of mummy or mama - just sounds commanding somehow! Waiter! Mummy! Servant! Hehe.

DH calls his DH by his first name and his DM ma. My dd1 calls me mum and I hate it. Dd2 calls me mammy, much better.

I'm sure non of us are damaged.

OP, you find it cute when your 1yr old babbles 'mamma' but you draw the line at 'mummy'?? It's difficult to put my finger on exactly why this is so sad, but it really is. There are names I love, names I really don't like, but the word Mummy carries significance and denotes a special relationship. People generally tend to associate the word Mummy with things such as 'nurture, love, care, comfort' rather than 'servant'.

I do think you are putting yourself first, and ignoring your daughter's feelings. It will be very unusal in the school playground, at friend's houses and your daughter will be the odd one out, but worse than that there's a possibility that she'll think 'my mother doesn't want to be mummy', which is just horrible.

My children CALL me 'nobody', but they know I'm their mother, so when asked "is this mum?" They just say yes. It's not a big deal, it's not a hard concept for them to grasp (in the same way most children know that mummy also has a name!). I dont have pnd, I'm not detached from my kids or anything else.

And I call my mother 'Mam'. And I hate that bitch and couldn't have less of a relationship with her if I tried.

As the OP says, it's just a word. There doesn't need to be huge issues attached.

It doesn't even matter because your kid will call you what she wants anyroad. As long as you don't ignore or punish to force her to use your name there's little you can do about it.

It might get confusing for her while little if somebody addresses you as mammy and she doesn't know what they're on about but they're not little long.

As upthread, anyone can call me by my first name but only the DC get to call me mummy.

We went through a little phase of DD attempting to get me to respond to my first name-sounded very strange & I hated it.

Op I was brought up to call my parents by their first names, never used mummy or daddy etc. they have never taken coke with me, gone clubbing with me etc and none of us have required any therapy as a result of this. I have grown up feeling very much loved and supported and we have close relationships now, I have never felt that I've missed out on anything and I don't see any problem with it at all.
I think a lot of comments on this thread are speculative as the people commenting have no experience of it, so think it would be a massive deal.
It's not.