To wish people who send their kids to daycare would be more considerate?

[cinnamongirl1976]

Overheard the other day: "He was sick in the night, but I sent him to nursery because he was okay this morning and I have a really important meeting today".

I hate, hate, HATE it when people do this! The 48-hour rule is there for a reason. Why are some people so inconsiderate when it comes to this? Do they not think of the other children at the nursery/childminder, their families etc? By sending your sick kid in, you could be ruining someone else's weekend. You don't know if they have people in their family with compromised immune systems.

Colds are fine of course and our childminder is fine with that. If we had to exclude for colds I would have been sacked long ago and our childminder would be out of business.

But for anything else - especially D&V - I always follow the illness and exclusion rules our childminder has 100% - work has to take a back seat and it is simply not fair on the other children, your own child, or the childminder/nursery, to do anything else. I have also kept DD off when she's not been contagious (eg ear infection) but would be happier at home. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who actually abides by these rules - do you?

The stuff about immunity is kind if ironic given that my employer has the attitude 'if you're upright and breathing you must work'...NHS nurse.
Colleague has just had quite threatening meeting about her sick leave record, she's had d&v x2 and a chest infection and it's a chemotherapy unit!
We are also not entitled to time off to look after dependants, only unpaid time to arrange alternatives. Quite what alternative to school there is for a vomiting 4 year old I'm not sure...

I have been in meeting where people have been held up as dedicated employees for coming into work with a stomach bug.

I certainly wouldnt applaud that at a meeting, nor want to sit or work next to them- though would suspect as a pp with the wine it could be alcohol related.

When ive had d&v no way i could go in that day - lack of sleep, bus journey and walking, temperature. But i could go back into work in under the 48hrs...

I totally agree. Under 5's are known as 'the super spreaders' as they are very good at sharing germs. AIBU. It pisses me off too. I have always followed the rules. It isnt fair for any one. Now my child has developed a condition where he has a low immune system - it makes me nervous to even send him in because I know people don't really care about others.

If everyone followed the 48 hour rule there would be a lot less d&v going round so fewer days off for everyone. But.

There are many people on here whose circumstances don't allow them to take time off work. To be brutally honest that is the situation they should have to deal with, not other people having to have time off because people with difficult circumstances couldn't keep their child home from childcare/school. Someone has to pay the price of sick kids be it auto immune suppressed kids & their parents or in my case I got a job before having children that allowed me the necessary flexibility to keep my sick child at home when necessary. I took a pay cut, a side ways career move and work in a less prestigious industry all so I could have the work life balance necessary for me to cope with having children. There are lots of reasons on this thread why people don't keep their children away from other children when they may be infectious with d&v but ultimately it's because their circumstances trump everyone else's. Their need to be at work trumps my need to be at work in their eyes. Similarly with vaccinations. It's only by everyone being vaccinated we protect those with the weakest immune systems. But those who don't vaccinate are making their decision based on the health of their child, not other children. Fair enough that your child comes first for you & your job comes first for you but the more I read of these threads the sadder I become that we are moving towards an ever more selfish society where other people's needs come second to our own in the huge majority of instances. My DD got d&v from a child whose parents sent them to childcare instead of keeping them at home. So I got d&v while pregnant with HG. DH got d&v as a teacher of 30 kids. One selfish parent could have harmed an unborn child, an office full of workers and a class full of kids. Fortunately she got sick on a Friday and us on the Sunday so we kept ourselves away from work on Monday and Tuesday. But public health issues occur because people suit themselves rather than being considerate of other people. You may argue I'm looking through rose tinted spectacles and lucky old me being in a job I can work from home to look after a sick child but if people took more responsibility for the consequences of their actions of sending an infectious child to childcare/school then there would be fewer infections diseases going round. So OP YANBU.

FreeWee - you put it better than I could have - I agree 100%.

I think the vaccinations argument is really interesting, too, and I agree with you - they call it 'herd immunity', I think? Vaccinations are more effective if everyone takes them up, because you're protecting not just your own child, but others they might come into contact with.

My DD was too young for the flu vaccination this year (just) but I would have got it had she been old enough because I think it would have helped protect not just her, but others in the community as well, toddlers being 'super-spreaders' as they are!

Cinnamongirl - I don't have particular view on D&V, but do find it patronising to be told - "if you have kids, and you work" as if it's some sort of lifestyle choice. What if you can't afford not to work, and your salary isn't so high that you can afford a full time nanny? This probably includes 75% of the population. If we didn't work, we'd presumably be ineligible for benefits because we should be working....

I only really mentioned a nanny in response to the lady who was a barrister as I imagine (perhaps incorrectly) that that's a job that pays quite well. I work in the public sector. There's no way I could afford a nanny either.

I have to say I do think having children is a lifestyle choice, though. For most of us anyway. I know that not all pregnancies are planned but if you plan to have children, as a lot of us do, then that is a lifestyle choice. Working alongside that might be a lifestyle choice for some (ie if they could manage on one salary but want to be able to afford certain holidays or whatever) and that's fine. For us it was just something we had to do to pay the bills (my preference would have been to stay at home, just like my mum did).

Op yanbu if you know your child is actually poorly and still send them all the reasons you use to justify doing so are then being spread around all the other families.the problems you have are just being knowingly forced on others. Those others may have even less of an ability to cope than you.

It's a bit like thinking "oh I've got xyz so I will take as many people down with me as I go"

It's very different to something that's contagious before detection occurs. Doing something because nobody could know a child was about to show signs of a contagious illness and knowing the child did but still doing it are different.they may have the same results but one is rude inconsiderate intentional and a shit thing to do the other is not.

Op, YANBU

Those who think it's ok to send ill children into daycare and schools:

Would you torture and blind a child with leukaemia?

Would you damage the lungs of a new baby and nearly kill him so that he ends up in intensive care with breathing difficulties?

Would you dehydrate a young baby so that she has to be hospitalised with a vomiting bug?

Are you really so selfish, so lacking in common decency that your job is worth all of this? Are you so cowardly that you're prepared to risk these children's lives rather than push back on employers?

These examples are all ones I've known personally. Each was caused by selfish parents trying to carry on as normal and to hell with the consequences.

yes id absolutely go and blind a child. that is exactly the same as still sending a child into school who has a cold.

unless you are talking specifically about d and v bugs, in which case i do of course agree about the 48 hour rule

The thing is d and v bugs are more prevalent now than ever. Why is that?

The thing is d and v bugs are more prevalent now than ever. Why is that?

Are they???

I haven't had one for as long as I can remember, certainly not for the last 25 years!. DH hasn't had one in all the time I've known him (17 years). Neither of my children, aged 8 and 10 have ever had one. They both went to nursery from 6 months old. They are both at a large state primary school. Where is everybody else getting them from?

i think whats more prevalent is people leaping to the conclusion its a d and v bug. i had ibs as a child, frequent d and v, temperature etc. if id have been kept off for 48 hours after id have only been in school half the time. my ds has had occasional d with no v, there has, apart from when an actual bug had done the rounds, always been something we could pin point as the cause. usually something too rich that hes eaten.

are they more prevalent?
we dont get them
kids have maybe had 3 ever?
we dont get them
like i said tho, ds2 often has a one off puke if too cold, too hot, too excited etc etc

OP that's not what parental leave is for, parental leave is for planned time off. Time off in emergencies to deal with sick children can end up being a disciplinary offence if it happens too often and people do lose their jobs for it.

Sorry for my post, for some reason my iPad was showing only a few posts on this, refreshed to see 7 pages so I am about 7 pages too late with that comment.

It's odd about this d and v bug. That is what vomiting is always assumed to be in the UK, here in Mexico nobody has ever heard of that and always assume it is food poisoning.

In conclusion, I think the unions and NGOs should start putting pressure on the government to get better treatment for the parents of children, so that staying at home to look after a sick child cannot be treated as skivving off.

While nurseries and childminders would need to be stricter too and refuse to accept sick children

Larger classes/schools
More kids put in nursery from young age before potty trained so nursery workers changing multiple nappies
Kids are also so young that mine was still eating dropped food off floor
Delaying potty training.
Maybe not washing hands as much
The playgroup i go to doesnt really have soap or bacterial hand soap.
Would that even work for viruses.
Apparently if you get food poisoning it can be contagious - salmonella etc and stuff from oysters etc
Even kids are starting school at 4+ rather than term before 5.

People taking themselves to GP or a&e with d&v.
Some blood types supposedly get d&v more
More old and immune suppressed people surviving? To spread and catch it.
Dont like 50% of men allegedly not wash their hands after toilet?

Was looking at Australian sick pay rules - 10 days off a year for your sickness or that of a dependent for whom you are responsible for. I am one of those who religiously never sends in a sick child - our employers are not amused, but it is what it is. We have two children and I think Ive probably been off with then 10 days in the last year, maybe more? Oh, sounds bad when you say it like that....No family or help whatsoever. We were thinking of moving to Oz but the sick leave seemed like an extra bonus

No, Gahbuggerit, the child who was blinded contracted chickenpox while undergoing chemotherapy. Another poster on MN has previously posted eloquently about the time her daughter, also undergoing chemotherapy, contracted chickenpox.

Chickenpox was mentioned earlier in the thread, which is why I included it in my contempt of parents who send ill children into school and childcare.

I'm not talking about sniffles and mild colds; I'm talking about ill children and the parents who try to justify sending them in - and so is the OP.

cpx is a whole different category to 'vomited once'

Gets on my tits too. We had a sick bug last month and now one of my kids has started with another sick bug tonight