To wish people who send their kids to daycare would be more considerate?

[cinnamongirl1976]

Overheard the other day: "He was sick in the night, but I sent him to nursery because he was okay this morning and I have a really important meeting today".

I hate, hate, HATE it when people do this! The 48-hour rule is there for a reason. Why are some people so inconsiderate when it comes to this? Do they not think of the other children at the nursery/childminder, their families etc? By sending your sick kid in, you could be ruining someone else's weekend. You don't know if they have people in their family with compromised immune systems.

Colds are fine of course and our childminder is fine with that. If we had to exclude for colds I would have been sacked long ago and our childminder would be out of business.

But for anything else - especially D&V - I always follow the illness and exclusion rules our childminder has 100% - work has to take a back seat and it is simply not fair on the other children, your own child, or the childminder/nursery, to do anything else. I have also kept DD off when she's not been contagious (eg ear infection) but would be happier at home. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who actually abides by these rules - do you?

I just think that if you have kids, and you work, you have to accept that if your kids get ill it is your responsibility to look after them, not that of the childminder/nursery/school.

I agree wholeheartedly. Whatever society believes, having children is a lifestyle choice - it is not our God-given right to carry on as before.

I agree, if you are a single-parent, life is extremely difficult and I have utmost respect for you. However, for many people there is the option for one or both parents to go part-time. DH and I took the decision as our kids were ill so often and we don't have any family support that we would both go part-time so that there wasn't one day that wasn't covered.

Financially it isn't brilliant but that's the choice we made having kids.

Dd quite often used to be sick in the night when she had a recurring night-time cough. We wouldn't keep her off for that, she would have had at least a week off every month!!. Some if it is about knowing your child...Her night-time cough disappeared when we moved away from a high traffic pollution area though. We would, of course, have kept her off if there was any doubt it was anything other than cough induced hurling.

She was sick in the car once on the way to nursery (we usually walk) as I took her in and took the accompanying bowl of sick to chuck down the toilet, I found a staff member holding her by the door (as they were quite vigilant on D&V - rightly so), I had to point out it was car sickness...she still has that at nearly 8, but is well trained with a chuck bucket

What I'm trying to say is that the majority of people are trying to do their best for their children and themselves, it doesn't mean they always get it right, but it doesn't mean they have deliberately got it wrong either...

One lot of vomiting doesn't always mean a bug, if my DD chunderd once and was fine in herself I would send her to the nursery. However if this was accompanied by the runs and more vomiting I wouldn't.

I don't live near my family so it comes down to me taking time off, which is tough for me and also my employers. I think working families in the UK get a tough time. My family in Ireland don't understand the issues as they have masses of parental leave available.

How do they? Theres no sick kid leave available in Ireland either. PArental leave is very difficult to get and has to be agreed long in advance and has to suit your employer.

Sometimes I have to weigh up whether it is worse to send my child in against cancelling an important visit to a sick and dying person! People need to think about the wider community rather than themselves.

OP, Why are colds fine?

I agree with you, Meggymoodle. It is a lifestyle choice and absolutely not a God-given right to carry on as before.

grocklebox - actually, in keeping my DC off when ill, I am considering other people. That's the point.

I work part-time and am lucky to have a husband to support us (he works full time) but my career has certainly taken a hit - I'm definitely not seen as a "key" member of my team like I was before and instead of being given key projects I get dumped with the stuff no-one else wants. I have the utmost admiration for single parents who are also trying to hold down jobs. It is not easy.

But I'm working with someone who is currently having treatment for cancer and her immune system has really taken a hit. She has to be so careful. What if you sent your kid in, knowing they were ill, and another child at the nursery/school/childminder came into contact with someone like that?

That is why, when you have kids, you have to make compromises with your working life, at least for a while.

Mine was a refluxy nightmare baby and still has a low vomit tolerance. If he eats too much, or is given something he doesn't like, or simply a taste he wasn't expecting, up it all comes.

He'd never be at nursery if I kept him off two days every time he vomits.

notauniquename - I probably shouldn't have used the word "fine" as I know colds are not fine for some people. But you have to draw a line somewhere.

Our childminder has a rule that if your child has a cold, they can come along provided it is not a horrible cold and they are happy and don't have a temperature etc. At first, this rule annoyed me, but I soon realised that when you have little ones you just cannot avoid them. So when I say they are "fine" I mean I accept that other folk will send their kids in with colds. I think if I didn't do that I would not have worked from September to December this year. Over Christmas, because our daughter was not in daycare, she was cold-free - and then as soon as she went back it all started again. But I don't think there is really a solution to that. I would keep her off with a really bad cold and cough but toddlers just seem to have permanent snotty noses, so I guess I see that as being slightly different as long as the child is playing, eating and sleeping ok.

OP, YANBU and I totally agree, its even worse at school.

They don't even think about their own kids being ill let alone passing it on to others.
I don't know how they can for shame really.
I guess they don't believe that family comes first.
I totally agree with things like colds, if you kept them off you would never work but D&V is a different matter, they should be at home being looked after by a parent.

You're not listening, OP. You think everyone should keep their kids off if they throw up once. People are telling you that children often throw up for reasons that have no impact on you or on anyone else. So why would they need to keep them off? Just to make you feel better?

Well I am one of those that keeps my ds off for the 48hours. Yet I get tuts from parents and teachers because unfortunately he gets the bug's alot.

Just a question as I'm curious . prior to having children do people think about how they will cope if their child is sick do they think about what family support they have if for some reason it is needed like if their child has a severe illness or they themselves become sick. My disability and lack of support from family was a major part of my consideration as to whether to Have a family.

There wasn't a thread about opening food before paying in the supermarket for a while either
Never come across that one on here ever. Who even does that

Lots of parents with young children open up a pack of buns etc, and give one to the child to pre-empt a meltdown! Nothing wrong with that, as long as you pay at the checkout, imo. Better than those I've seen helping themselves to a free handful of grapes to 'try' them.

a child that's been sick in the night doesn't necessarily have D&V, do they? This child being sick in the night may well not make a jot of difference to your child. So based on that one sentence it's impossible for you to tell if they're being U or not.

(Grays - people might pick up a packet of biscuits and open them to give one to a child before paying for them. Don't see the problem myself if the packet goes into your basket/trolley - in your bag might be a bit different though .)

Ive had my first instance of this....ds only started pre school and it is in a private day care nursery. He started last week was in for one day and has been very ill ever since and is still off has been in the hospital etc. He has most definetely picked this up from someone sending their sick child in and not following the rules as he is never usually sick and never this bad ! He wont be going back until he is completely clear for a few days for his own health (taking something else when hes not fully recovered) and for the health of others !

Because no one has ever been pushed out of a job or faced disciplinary measures in the workplace because they have to take time off at short notice due to childcare problems/illness? And everyone can just afford to take tow/three days off work unpaid every time their child is sick.

DS is a puker. He's never actually had a proper stomach bug, but if he eats/drinks too much, too fast or gets really really stressed about something, he is often sick. That's just one of those things. I can't take three days off work each time, nor can my husband. If he is ill, then we figure it out, but if I'm confident that he is not, then he goes to nursery.

grocklebox - I am listening. Not convinced you are, though.

Yes, I think if a kid throws up once, they should be kept off - unless they have a proven non-contagious condition that makes them vomit, or something like toddler diahorrea. If there was a child like that at a setting or school then I would expect there to be a doctor's note to explain it.

You cannot possibly say "Yes, he was sick, but it was only the once, so I'm sure he's fine" - it just isn't fair to other people. Your kid might be robust; just because it's only a single vomit doesn't mean it's not contagious. One kid might be sick once; he might then pass it on to another who is sick for a week and has a sibling with impaired immunity. Think of the consequences.

My friend had a stomach bug and came to a party the day after. She wasn't actually sick but felt ropey all day (this was after her son had been throwing up - obviously she has a stronger constitution than him). She then managed to pass the bug on to everyone at the party, and I do mean everyone, even though she felt better when she attended. Lots of days missed off work, school, nursery etc all because of one person not thinking. So just because it is one vomit (or even no vomit!) doesn't make it okay.

Well I work full time and pretty much always have - my three went to nursery.

And I agree with you OP!

Shove them in with a cold is one thing, shoving them in after D&V is selfish and unfair.

One lovely parent last week sent their child to the childminder without telling them they have been poorly all weekend...what happened my children were poorly! Also the childminder and her children ended up with the bug too! So that's approximately 12 people this one child had infected! Including me and my dh, I ended up missing work with sick children all because of one effing parent who was too 'important' to take a day off well boo fucking HOO what about me and my job/kids.

Made me royally annoyed and I did make a comment when I saw her this morning. Your not the only one who has an important job and can't take time off easily!

Yes, I think if a kid throws up once, they should be kept off - unless they have a proven non-contagious condition that makes them vomit, or something like toddler diahorrea. If there was a child like that at a setting or school then I would expect there to be a doctor's note to explain it.

What, a note every time they vomit? Or a general note covering the condition?

In the first case waste of dr's and parents time. I'd be at the gp every week, with the associated day off work. If the second, you're still relying on the parents judgement that the vomit is due to the condition and not a bug.

It also depends on your definition of "proven" condition. Reflux for example in babies can't be proven as such, only inferred from the symptoms.

I wonder whether the 48 hour rule does more harm than good by giving people an incentive to lie. If a child who was sick the night before is going to get sent to school or nursery it may as well be with extra hygiene measures in place which won't happen if the staff don't know.

When I was at school we went in when we seemed OK and I'm pretty sure sick bugs were no more commonplace then than they are now.

Micah - colleague's DS suffered from reflux and had a note from Dr. Still took a while for nursery to accept it though.

Strangely enough colleague and DW knew their DS well enough to tell when he was ill

You draw the line at colds OP. Others draw the line at non contagious vomiting.

Colds are horrendous here. I'd take a d&v bout over yet another two week cold any day.