To wish people who send their kids to daycare would be more considerate?

[cinnamongirl1976]

Overheard the other day: "He was sick in the night, but I sent him to nursery because he was okay this morning and I have a really important meeting today".

I hate, hate, HATE it when people do this! The 48-hour rule is there for a reason. Why are some people so inconsiderate when it comes to this? Do they not think of the other children at the nursery/childminder, their families etc? By sending your sick kid in, you could be ruining someone else's weekend. You don't know if they have people in their family with compromised immune systems.

Colds are fine of course and our childminder is fine with that. If we had to exclude for colds I would have been sacked long ago and our childminder would be out of business.

But for anything else - especially D&V - I always follow the illness and exclusion rules our childminder has 100% - work has to take a back seat and it is simply not fair on the other children, your own child, or the childminder/nursery, to do anything else. I have also kept DD off when she's not been contagious (eg ear infection) but would be happier at home. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who actually abides by these rules - do you?

I'd spotted that too Bohemian. Are sickness bugs somehow more dangerous in Britain than in France/US?

I heard that in the US staff who work in commercial kitchens or cancer wards are generally not advised to stay off work once well but can be redeployed to another role temporarily.

Million - the risk if spreading is greater in nurseries with children likely to shove hands in nappies then pick up object that another child goes to put in mouth, staff changing large numbers of nappies, children likely to throw up on others rather than dashing to loo etc in the case of a relapse.

Our school is very strict with the 48 hour D&V thing, but they get all uppity when you say you are keeping your child off because they have a bad cold etc. We got a newsletter recently stating as much.

They rang me once to say my son had a rash but he seemed fine, they just wanted to ask me if he had any known allergies. I said he gets a bit rashy if hes got a bit of a virus coming on, they said ok thats fine, we'll let you know if you need to come and get him. He was fine, just developed a bit of a cough for a few days.

When he went to a state run nursery they were the same, always said there was no need to keep kids off for colds/coughs etc. All the parents used to say it was a good job they were so relaxed as otherwise we'd all be out of jobs / homes. Reading opinions on this on here I do wonder if there is a demographic thing going on - I live in a very deprived area, so I do wonder if the schools / nurseries factor that in to their decisions ie. they know that people who are fortunate enough to have work in our area cant afford to lose their jobs?

Thanks the lord for common sense anyway at my sons school and nursery.

Oh you're right Gah, why didn't I think of that...

Yanbu, dc should be kept away from other people after d+v, but I think Yabu saying a cold is fine, my ds has asthma so a cold can mean at the very least a trip to the dr and possibly a trip to a+e or even a stay in hospital, we also have a newborn and I'm much more worried about colds as "just a cold" can be really serious for babies.

My dc are chunky and when they have d+v they vomit a couple of times and are then fine (it's a shame the adults in our family don't react the sane way to the sane viruses!) d+v is annoying because we end up with tons of washing but is much rather a bout of d+v than a cold. I think parents should keep their dc at home if they are contagious regardless of the illness.

I think that sometimes there is judgement involved I.e. Your child has eaten a large quantity of apricots, any d&v is most likely linked to that esp if no other symptoms. However any more than one vomit and I would definitely keep my child off.
I have no local support and husband is self-employed so I have to take time off with dC illness, but I keep holiday specially back for it and my employer is aware of my circumstances.

Chickenpox annoys me. I was early stages of pregnancy and took DS to a class. Another mother rocks up and goes 'I'm glad to be out of the house as toddler's older brother has chickenpox'. Of course her toddler then got it, luckily neither myself or my toddler did, but couldn't help but be annoyed with her.

Cleaning fairy- it going to be pretty impossible to assess when a child is contagious though? For example chicken pox is contagious before the spots come out, so how would that work? Most contagious illnesses have a symptomless period where they are still contagious.

Unless you want to lock yourself in your house and never go out you need to accept that every time you talk to or physically touch someone there's a risk of catching something. It's just not possible to avoid illness.

This really irritates me. My daughter was diagnosed with leukaemia while in nursery and the amount of times I overheard parents in the school yard comment that their child had been sick or had diarrhoea the previous evening but was 'alright now' was ridiculous. Luckily most parents were considerate but there were times when I would keep my child off rather than risk sending them to school with one who had returned too early. She did catch slapped cheek as nobody had bothered to inform me it was going round. While the other children were a bit sniffly mine needed 6 blood transfusions.

Proud - yeuch, put me right off my lunch!

Not sure I buy that argument for pre-school though (age 3-5) - at dd's nursery virtually all are out of nappies and unlike schools, the toilets are very nearby.

Always confuses me why different but comparable countries take different approaches to things like this.

Sophieelmer

Are you so rude in RL? Is there a rule that says topics may only be discussed once or twice?

It's right to keep children off school if they have D&V but as has been said, vomiting is often down to an obvious cause. My son went to a birthday party when he was 5, ate loads of crisps, cake, sweets etc. and drank loads of lemonade. He came home still hyped up from the party, bounced off the walls for an hour and then threw his guts up. Fortunately it was a Friday so I didn't have to make a call on that occasion. If it hadn't been the weekend then I'd probably have sent him to school the next day as I was 99.9% sure that his overeating and over-excitement was the cause.

My other son went to a friends house and drank loads (and I mean loads ) of apple juice. The runny poos during the night were impressively explosive. I kept him off school the next day, not because he was ill but to save him the embarrassment of potentially crapping himself in class.

So those who send their kids to a childminder when sick, what are you going to do when the childminder is closed because they have the bug, which then gets passed onto their family. A vommiting bug can mean I'm closed for 2 weeks, who's going to have your kids then? I can work with several illnesses (.e. Colds) but can't really look after kids whilst puking!

Also, if I have to close, I'm not earning so potential closures are taken into account when setting fees, is it fair everyone pays more because of this when others in the setting follow the rules?

I ment ill and contagious, I understand that many illnesses are contagious before symptoms show but when your coughing, vomiting or having a runny nose you have more chance of passing the illness onto other people.

I've spent half the night on the loo with a sick bowl in my lap as it was coming out both ends. I still went to work the following day as I was 100% sure it was the bottle of red wine and extra hot vindaloo that was the culprit. My illness was self-inflicted and it bloody well served me right for doing that on a weekday.

If someone had just heard me say "you should have seen me last night, throwing up and pooping through the eye of a needle" they may well have assumed I had D&V and judged me for it.

Ineedacleaningfairy - you are right, and I know a cold is not "just a cold" for some people. Apologies.

Re: chickenpox - I was at a soft play recently when a kid arrived covered in spots. Woman on the gate said to his mum "Oh, has he got chickenpox?", and she said "Yes" - then the woman took her money and waved her in! We left and got a refund and did not visit again!

Altinkum - yes, I probably was making unfair assumptions about this lady and her kid but I was just using the incident to start a debate on something that really annoys me personally as you hear it so often. I think that the spread of such a lot of illness could be prevented if people were just a bit more considerate.

And it doesn't matter if the topic has been discussed before - there is no need for anyone to be rude! If they don't like the thread, they shouldn't reply.

I think what is interesting about this in the wider sense is the idea that people should still be able to "have it all" after having children. I don't agree with this: I think that somewhere, something has to give. It's not a gender thing, because if there are two parents then either the father or the mother (or a combination of both) will have to compromise their working life sometimes (even if that just means leaving on time every day instead of working late). That's because children, and not work, become your priority.

This was never an issue for my mum because she was a SAHM. And my folks didn't really have much money but they managed. Nowadays I guess the cost of living is so much higher that being a SAHM isn't an option for a lot of people (we considered it, but DH's wage alone would not have been enough).

I can really see both sides on this.

OP, you say it's not a gender thing, but 9 times out of 10, it's the woman's job which takes a back seat. It's hard being a WOHM and I can increasingly understand why those who can SAHM, do.

Sorry Million - I'm fine to talk about it but had to look away when there was a programme on TV about train loos emptying onto tracks despite being interested in the oral commentary and having no problem watching surgical procedures on TV.

I'm guessing that the younger a child is the more likely they are to vomit in close proximity to others at the setting (I'm no expert and may be wrong). I would have thought that a school age pupil would be more likely than a pre schooler to dash for the loo and even if they don't make it the corridor is a better place to throw up than the classroom.

I'm not suggesting that the school should ignore the risk but can see where they are coming from.

Colds may be dangerous to some people but they are not easy to avoid.

My cousin was actually pleased her DH and DS had had their fair share previously and got some immunity whilst she was undergoing cancer treatment.

I havent got the feleing that anyone 'wants it all' on this thread at all.

What I do glean is that some of us cant afford to take a day off every time Precious has the sniffles, or has thrown up for eating too many Haribos, so we make a judgement call and go in to work, because we have to, therefore prioritising keeping a roof over our childrens heads and bills paid.

Each post is making it clear that you are very fortunate OP, very fortunate indeed.

OP. Is there some reason you refuse to believe that sometimes both parents have to work full-time just to make ends meet? And that they may have jobs in retail or services that make it extremely difficult to call in sick? This isn't about 'having it all', it's about paying the rent. Some people can only get low-paid work, the option to 'scale back' just isn't there.

Your own setup sounds pretty ideal, how about you just appreciate that and recognise that not everyone is so lucky, and not because they're stupid or don't prioritise their children.

You are misinterpreting my posts, dreamingbohemian. I never once said I 'refused' to believe that sometimes both parents have to work full-time - please point me in the direction of any post that suggests otherwise! I think you'll find it isn't there.

And there is not a day that goes by when I do not remember how lucky I am, because believe me, getting to this point was not remotely easy, and I have thought very carefully about parenthood and its implications because it was so difficult to conceive in the first place. We had several rounds of IVF and miscarriages before having our daughter - that is not relevant to this post at all but it does mean I've spent absolutely ages thinking about parenthood before becoming a parent (I am not suggesting any of you haven't, merely explaining my own background) and that I've also become quite used to work taking a backseat anyway (because believe me, it has to if you undergo fertility treatment). We all have our struggles.

Just because 2 people are working full-time or because one person is on their own doesn't mean they should knowingly send children into daycare settings where they will infect other children. It just isn't fair. Being a parent means you have to be there for your kids and that includes when they are ill. What this thread does show (apart from that there are a lot of folk on Mumsnet who are a bit rude) is that clearly we are not geared up to support working parents in this country, on the whole. As I said in another post, in an ideal world I'd change jobs or not work at all but I know I'm generally lucky to work where I do, so I stay put. I'm aware how good my employer is in that respect and I know it's not the same for everyone; you're wrong to suggest otherwise.

A lot of people on this thread seem to be assuming I can just take time off without worrying about the consequences - that's not the case at all; I've very little annual leave left and my credibility at work has certainly taken a hit. But that's what I signed up for.

But you still have your job, place to live, bills, food and DD though cinnamon? Perhaps it is you who has it all, and are berating those who don't.

The point is, yes, you took a hit at work for your DD sake. But being able to take the hit is a luxury some just don't have.