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Original poster

Not to want to buy dd (9) crop tops

143 replies

BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 22:41

Dd is 9 and not developing at all visibly puberty wise. She said today that she wants to wear "bras" because lots of the girls in her class were. I explained that I would take her bra shopping the minute we needed to but that we didn't need to yet. On more discussion, it turns out the other girls are wearing crop tops rather than bras (did think it was a bit strange!). Dd doesn't even wear vests-hasn't done since she was a baby.

I looked online at crop tops and they look so bra like. Honestly, I can't see the point. She doesn't need support, she isn't cold.

Would I be mean to say no? Or is fitting in that important that I just give on this one? After all, it isn't going to hurt-just make me feel she looks more grown up than she needs to,

OP posts:
Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 11:52

X post giles Smile

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 15/01/2015 11:53

So sorry bum Sad . Have just been to asda and bought three packs-plain white, strappy ones that match her new pants (quite Envy actually-it's been a while since I've had matching underwear!) and sports style. Only laid out £11 so not worried which she likes. And if she likes none of them we'll go shopping!

OP posts:
Bumbiscuits · 15/01/2015 11:57

The slightly more expensive 2 pack of sports crop tops from M&S are pretty good for not riding up, Thenapole, if your DD decides to give them another go. They're a tighter fit and thicker material.

ChocLover2015 · 15/01/2015 11:57

Nipples can get very sensitive before anything at all is visible.That said DD2 is in Y5 and none of them wear crop tops yet

Letmeeatcakecakecake · 15/01/2015 12:00

I think at 9, some children have started developing breasts and some haven't. If she's still getting changed in front of the boys or just generally feels self conscious, then I think you should get her some.

AndyWarholsOrange · 15/01/2015 12:10

I love this thread. My DM is incredibly repressed and prudish, never spoke to me about periods, never bought me a bra and couldn't hide the fact that she found my developing body a bit distasteful.
I am determined not to be like this with 12 year old DD but I'm finding it really hard tbh as I never had any sort of role model for this sort of stuff. It feels strange seeing her tiny bras hanging on the line.
I remember a poster saying that they have 'Slipping through my fingers' playing permanently in their head. That's a bit how I feel right now Sad

inflagrantedelicto · 15/01/2015 12:15

Dd has some from Tesco and morrisons. Both dd's got matching sets in their stockings, despite my personal reservations. Dd1 had been wearing them since y3 when her friend (with an older sister) have dd1 a couple of outgrown sets (handed down to the younger sister, then to dd, iygwim) dd was overjoyed, and from there the battle was already lost. I didn't, and still don't like her wearing them because she is completely flat chested, but she's happy, and all her peers were wearing them. She's since changed schools, and more of her poets are still in vests here, but life's too short. I remember being the one child in a group without one when a little older than her, and it was horrid.

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 12:44

Don't get me started on slipping through my fingers!! That might have been me. I cannot under any circumstances listen to it without howling.

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 12:45

I think Battles with ones dds are overrated!

They always win Grin

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/01/2015 12:49

I think it should be an automatic deletion and five day ban for anyone who mentions slipping through my fingers at any time but especially when I have PMT

Grin

I don't even have a girl but it still makes me wail!

Stinkle · 15/01/2015 12:50

Yes, Slipping Through My Fingers makes me bawl too.

I remember watching Mamma Mia with DD1 just before she started high school and ending up in floods of tears. DD was all Hmm.

I was fine about high school up until then, then I was like "shit, she's going to high school! She was only born last week"

Greencurtain · 15/01/2015 12:52

I'd buy her a crop top. She's asked you for one. Not a bra type one, one like what a crop top was like in the 80s. My mum got me a crop top when my friends got one.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/01/2015 12:58

(sorry for derail OP Flowers)

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 15/01/2015 12:59

La la la not listening! I did not start this thread to end up with a slipping through my fingers ear worm!

I am glad that I've managed to talk to dd about periods. I think my hang up was about stuff that isn't "needed" (see earlier post about widening definition about need!) and I feel very strongly that dd should know about periods (she's aware of mine) and what to do and that it's normal and I feel normal about it. I might get some little pads and mini tampons-probably tell her they're there but just so that I'm prepared. I think that's a friend way off. I remember it being one of the few things my mum was relaxed about. She was a nurse so perhaps actual biological stuff was okay for her. It was any hint of grown up fashion that didn't strike her as important. Start rights and hand knitted jumpers well into secondary school Confused.

OP posts:
AndyWarholsOrange · 15/01/2015 13:23

Thanks Lonny I am now in tears at the cheese section in Tesco. Getting some very strange looks Blush

wigglesrock · 15/01/2015 13:25

BigBirthdayGloom - I remember my Mum having an absolute conniption about ra ra skirts! I refuse to listen to that song - I have 3 daughters, my 9 year old is my eldest Smile.

waithorse · 15/01/2015 13:38

As a parent of two pre teen daughters, this thread has been very enlightening. Thanks. Smile

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 13:45

Right in tears now you lot!!!

dementedpixie · 15/01/2015 13:53

Lillets do a wee starter pack in a zippy bag that I got for dd. They also do teen towels/tampons that I got. luckily I was prepared as dd (11) started her periods last Friday!

she is getting fairly developed breasts and has pubic hair. she is complaining about hairy legs so i have raked out an old lady shave to charge up and let have a go with, before letting her loose with razors

we were fairly open about periods when I was growing up. I started mine age 11 too and remember sending my little to get me sanitary towels when I forgot to take them in the bathroom with me. He called them little nappies Grin (he is 11 years younger than me so would only have been a toddler at the time.

dementedpixie · 15/01/2015 13:54

*little brother that should say

Endler32 · 15/01/2015 13:56

I made dd up a little pencil case with some sanitary towels and panty liners ( there's no way she will use tampons ), she has this in her room so she can mess around with them and get used to them. We talk openly about periods, dd will be 11 in a few weeks and I don't think it will be long before she starts.

HSMMaCM · 15/01/2015 14:12

DD has threatened to have Slipping Through My Fingers at her wedding, just so she can laugh at me Hmm.

HSMMaCM · 15/01/2015 14:13

Endler32 - I got DD a range of products to experiment with and she didn't tell me she had started her periods until she ran out of supplies!

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 15/01/2015 14:23

Another shopping trip...

OP posts:
JohnCusacksWife · 15/01/2015 14:31

What a helpful, supportive thread. If only more AIBUs were like this!