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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want to buy dd (9) crop tops

143 replies

BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 22:41

Dd is 9 and not developing at all visibly puberty wise. She said today that she wants to wear "bras" because lots of the girls in her class were. I explained that I would take her bra shopping the minute we needed to but that we didn't need to yet. On more discussion, it turns out the other girls are wearing crop tops rather than bras (did think it was a bit strange!). Dd doesn't even wear vests-hasn't done since she was a baby.

I looked online at crop tops and they look so bra like. Honestly, I can't see the point. She doesn't need support, she isn't cold.

Would I be mean to say no? Or is fitting in that important that I just give on this one? After all, it isn't going to hurt-just make me feel she looks more grown up than she needs to,

OP posts:

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 10:50

Yes sounds lovely stinkle

Think it's just go with the flow and how about a huge dose of empathy and well love.

My dm wasn't the best at periods, had a sanitary belt at 11, but think she was trying her best.

Some if these posts are beyond sad

ClaimedByMe · 15/01/2015 10:53

Stinkle I do the same as you, although i can give her painkillers as shes still in primary school so i have to go to the school at lunchtimes and top her up if she needs it.

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 10:53

MrsV sure you are fantastic.

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 10:55

Girls do seem to be starting earlier too.

My grandmother was 17, my mother 15, I was 14 and my dds were 11.

That was a shock as they are both tiny and were in no way well developed.

Idontseeanysontarans · 15/01/2015 11:02

DD1's just started to wear crop tops at 9 years old as well, MIL bought her some at Christmas (for the obligatory underwear stocking filler ) from Matalan and she loves them. They're soft v neck style in the palest pink with matching short style knickers and very comfortable.

MsVestibule · 15/01/2015 11:06

Thanks theboody - I'm not at all sure that I am, though! It partly helps that we have very similar personalities (and I have a ridiculously long memory) so it's easy to put myself in her shoes and imagine how I would have felt about things at her age.

But I do sometimes wonder what my children will be complaining about when they're adults!!! I know I won't get everything right. As long as they felt loved and cherished, it's a good start.

Original poster

BigBirthdayGloom · 15/01/2015 11:06

Gosh - there are def some tales to make you stop and think.

What an anticlimax! In m and s and they have no crop tops! I'm going full circle now and wondering whether girls at 15-16 still wear vests-they have tonnes of those. Hey ho. Online it is.

OP posts:

Stinkle · 15/01/2015 11:11

Thanks!

I just don't want her to ever feel uncomfortable about it.

I remember the horrible period pains and general discomfort and feeling miserable about the whole thing and my mum not being terribly sympathetic. I was never short of towels or tampons or anything, so have absolutely nothing to complain about after some of the posts on here, but and a bit of sympathy and understanding would have been appreciated.

I can tell when her period coming - she's overwrought, tearful and very clingy the day before and she just wants a hug, a bit of a cry, to be tucked up with a hot water bottle, and some sympathy, and I'd hate it if she ever felt she couldn't come to me for that. At the same time, I don't want to make a huge deal out of it and embarrass her.

Some of these posts are so sad, I want to go and fish her out of school and give her a hug

I also let mine shave her legs/armpits. I have encouraged Immac (she's a bit clumsy) but what she does in the shower is her own business

Some of my friends are a bit that I allow make up, hair dye, leg shaving, ear piercing, etc (although they have younger children) but I tend to pick my battles. I give her a clothing allowance these days and she buys her own clothes, I've never raised my eyebrows at anything she's bought yet

dementedpixie · 15/01/2015 11:11

they sell them in tesco and asda. I looked at some in tesco the other day

Mutley77 · 15/01/2015 11:11

Dd had them from age 9. She was developing breast buds (as described by gp) and felt her nipples were visible under school top so I was not going to argue as I didn't want her going around arching her back to hide her perceived boobs dds are like a short vest and tbh she is now ten and I agree she needs them under certain clothes! They grow up so fast

dementedpixie · 15/01/2015 11:12

<a class="break-all" href="http://direct.asda.com/george/girls/underwear-socks/crop-tops/D4M3G10C9S2,default,sc.html#direct.asda.com/george/girls/underwear-socks/crop-tops/D4M3G10C9S2,default,sc.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">dd has the ones that look like sports bras

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 11:18

We'll exactly stinkle that's exactly how I parent my dds.

MrsV my youngest is 14 now and oldest 25 and trust me we made loads of mistakes and still will but we can honestly say we did our best as parents and love the bones of them.

Noones Bloody Mary poppins we are all just blundering along and it's generally good enough.

Bumbiscuits · 15/01/2015 11:30

My 10 year old asked for the crop tops a couple of years ago, and I got her some. She wears boxer short type pants and is comfortable.

My own mother made such a song and dance about me getting my first bra, then when I had actual breasts refusing to get me bras. I'm very big chested and she said bras were bad for me as I was growing. The truth was that every penny was a prisoner unless she was spending on herself. When my period came I was told to help myself from her box of super sized tampons and to use Vaseline if they were too big to go up

My friend raised an eyebrow at me buying crop tops for my DD at a young age but there's no way, given my own experience I'm ever going to make an issue of these things.

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 11:32

God almighty at the Vaseline and tampons. Awful awful.

Miggsie · 15/01/2015 11:37

DD is 11 and she asked me last night I never used to get embarrassed about being naked and now I do, why is that?"

I said it was natural - but WHY is it an accompaniment to development (stumped).

Bumbiscuits · 15/01/2015 11:37

NC nowadays, thank fuck. As my own children, both girls, grow I realise more and more what a total cunt my own mother was/is. At least I've had a good lesson own how not to mother my kids.

QuinionsRainbow · 15/01/2015 11:38

Think of it as though, having spent a lifetime (in her terms) not wearing a vest, she now wants to wear one, albeit a rather short one. Then go out with her and help her choose something that she is happy to wear. Crop tops weren't really around in my childhood, but my Mum would have been delighted if, after several years, and much hassle, of her wanting me to wear a vest and me refusing point blank, I had suddenly decided that I wanted to wear a short vest after all!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 15/01/2015 11:39

If you're getting them online OP, why not get DD to sit with you while you order them? I just think any opportunity to normalise and chat about more grown-up clothing will pay dividends later on, you know, if she starts to feel embarrassed when it comes to bra shopping time, you've sort of already broken down that barrier?

Just a thought though!

ClaimedByMe · 15/01/2015 11:44

Vaseline and super tampons the thought of that actually gave me a sicky feeling :(

I must say my mum was fab with periods, bras and shaving etc I am just so unsure as dd is much younger than I was.

Thenapoleonofcrime · 15/01/2015 11:45

My dd (11) wanted to wear crop tops about a year ago, she does have a small developing chest, so we brought some. However, she found them uncomfortable (three different brands) and rode up when she was jumping about and climbing- so she's abandoned them. Not sure how she is going to find bras later on...or perhaps she just won't wear those either!

Artistic · 15/01/2015 11:46

My DD(7.5) has always worn a vest under her uniform. Her friends have started wearing crop tops (I presume it's the girls who never wore vests previously). She's been asking for one but I've explained that crop tops are just short vests & she's already wearing vests for ages. She's accepted this for now, but have I don't the right thing?

She complains of pain in the breast area & itching on the nipples & has got some puppy fat in the breast area (she's got some puppy fat all over since childhood ). She does wear soft cotton vests...so am not sure if I need to change anything?

At what point do I need to move to crop tops?

Artistic · 15/01/2015 11:47

*done not don't

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 11:49

bum just dreadful. Glad you are ok.

And she's lost not just you but her grandchildren too.

Gileswithachainsaw · 15/01/2015 11:49

When she wants one

alot of scary things are going to be happening to.her body in the next few years. being shot down for asking for clothing she feels would make her more comfortable not only is it not worth the argument , it may well make her not feel she can ask you later on.

Theboodythatrocked · 15/01/2015 11:51

I would say when she asks you to Artistic it's her body. Don't overthink it.

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