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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not to want to buy dd (9) crop tops

143 replies

BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 22:41

Dd is 9 and not developing at all visibly puberty wise. She said today that she wants to wear "bras" because lots of the girls in her class were. I explained that I would take her bra shopping the minute we needed to but that we didn't need to yet. On more discussion, it turns out the other girls are wearing crop tops rather than bras (did think it was a bit strange!). Dd doesn't even wear vests-hasn't done since she was a baby.

I looked online at crop tops and they look so bra like. Honestly, I can't see the point. She doesn't need support, she isn't cold.

Would I be mean to say no? Or is fitting in that important that I just give on this one? After all, it isn't going to hurt-just make me feel she looks more grown up than she needs to,

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 14/01/2015 22:57

You sound a lovely mum, OP. Smile

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 22:57

Thefairycaravan - those are perfect. Not sure why I didn't spot them. Sorted.

OP posts:
thedevilinside · 14/01/2015 22:58

My DD wears them, even though she is as flat as a pancake too, all the year five girls wear them, so don't want her to be the odd one out

Ineedanewone · 14/01/2015 23:00

I bought them for my girls at that age, mainly because they felt more comfy as the breast tissue was developing.

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 23:01

Ah, that's nice, thefairy. I find this stuff tricky, because my natural inclination is to shy away from all grown up stuff like my parents did, but at the same time I need to help dd to get balance. Make up is another tricky one. She wants to at with it; one of her friends wears it to parties already. I kind of feel its okay to play at it in the house-like other role play kids do, and I don't want her to think make up is the stuff of the devil, but I do think she's too young to leave the house in it. Aargh!

OP posts:
Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 23:02

Does it make any difference that she's year four not five? Guess not really.

OP posts:
Rummikub · 14/01/2015 23:03

Tesco and asda do very similar ones to those m & s ones. Asda also do ones that look more like a sports top which my dd prefers.

LemonDrizzleTwunt · 14/01/2015 23:05

Take her shopping with you. It would be a lovely day out for you both, and a chance to bond over something really girly. You also get the chance to explain how important it is to get good underwear that fits, when she's properly ready! I remember being mortified the first time my mum took me bra shopping, because being measured and discussing bras was so alien. You have a great opportunity to make it a really positive experience Smile

ghostyslovesheep · 14/01/2015 23:06

yes what Fairy said OP - you sound lovely - this growing up girl thing is a minefield and you have to choose your battles widely

she'll love you for this and you'll win the next round Wink

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 23:08

Yes would recommend the asda ones as they don't have straps that fall down.

primark are good for them too. I stock up on them and the shirts style pants when I go.

The sports style strap is better as they don't fall down.

Gileswithachainsaw · 14/01/2015 23:08

shirts? shorts

ChippingInLatteLover · 14/01/2015 23:12

I would show her the picture before buying them. One of the schools near here the girls are all wearing that type, at the other school 'they're for babies' and the girls have the more v shaped ones, fir their ironing board chests Grin. There's no point buying them if they aren't right.

Nope, all that matters is she wants them and they're harmless :)

ChippingInLatteLover · 14/01/2015 23:14

Though, I totally get your 'I don't want my baby growing up too fast. She doesn't need grown up stuff!!' Pout sob Feelings x

VenusRising · 14/01/2015 23:19

Go shopping with her, and let her choose them herself. Give her some power.

This isn't about you, and your feelings!

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 23:21

Yep-a big old pout! But since she is very happy playing mums and babies at home I think she's little for a whole more, crop tops or none!

OP posts:
Fluffyears · 14/01/2015 23:23

What about taking her to the body shop and letting her get some tinted moisturiser or bb cream, clear mascara and lipgloss. The girls in there do make up for them to show them how to apply it. She'll feel more grown up bu it's less major than a full 'Jordan' face.

Original poster
BigBirthdayGloom · 14/01/2015 23:29

I guess with the make up I've got a way to go. Thing is, I do use make up, I don't have a problem with it but I think nine is a bit young to get into "needing" to wear it. I think she'll need to go through the practise in the bedroom stage though, then she stands half a chance of it looking lovely when she does wear it. D'you think I'll have to relax the ear piercing age too? As yet the age is...15!!! Lots of her friends have had it done recently. I know we won't get to 15-I was 14 even with my Victorian mum. But I do want to wait until she's able to look after them. Maybe summer hols before year 7?

OP posts:
LilMissSunshine9 · 14/01/2015 23:31

I wore crop tops when I was younger before developing always thought it was normal... and this was over 26yrs ago lol

Silverjohnleggedit · 14/01/2015 23:33

Dd wanted crop tops because she felt self-conscious exposing her very flat chest when changing for PE, who was I to argue with how she felt?

Rummikub · 14/01/2015 23:38

I told my dd's they can have their years pierced at any time. Neither have taken the plunge and my eldest is 13. Think it's taken the appeal to of it in some way.

Rummikub · 14/01/2015 23:40

Years? Ears of course!

wigglesrock · 14/01/2015 23:41

I think you've got to pick the stuff that's important to you and the stuff you can let go. My mum was controlling with clothes, I swore I wouldn't be. The makeup, funny enough I'm not fond of at all, whereas my Mum never had an issue with it when we were growing up. The ear piercing, it's not that big a thing where I live, most kids get it done younger. My 9 year old had her ears pierced at 6, my second daughter is getting hers done next month - she will be 7. I had mine done then.

Mummytogoldie · 14/01/2015 23:51

My dd is 9 and wears crop tops but only puts them on on the 2 days she has pe, so definitely think it is because they get changed with the boys x I was against ear piercing but let dd get them pierced last summer as all her friends got them done. It lasted 6 weeks before she decided it was to much fuss and painful and has now let them close up and never wants them done again lol x

Silverjohnleggedit · 14/01/2015 23:52

Dd loved make up when she was 8-9 years old, wanted to wear it out...I didn't make a fuss, I preferred it when she went all blue eye shadow and wonky lipstíck to subtle and enhancing make up - anyway she's now 12 and she has grown out of the make up phase - she likes lip gloss, which is fine by me.

FightOrFlight · 15/01/2015 01:51

You can get tinted chapstick sort of stuff (not explaining myself properly here, it's late).

I use Hurraw because it's vegan and the black cherry gives a lovely, shiny tint, tastes great and makes my lips feel soooooo smooth It comes out a lot (lot) lighter than it looks in the picture

www.hurrawbalm.com/black-cherry.html