To want to phone the police over nursery staff pushing my ds

[SupSlick]

Taken into the office at my 2 year olds nursery to say a staff member had been suspended for shouting aggressively & pushing my ds with "unreasonable & unacceptable" force.

Firstly, I know there is yet to be a formal investigation & secondly I know working with children can I suppose make someone vulnerable to accusations, but I just feel sick to my stomach about this.

My 2 year old is so affectionate & polite & eager to please & without outing anyone, he wasn't being naughty in the chain of events leading up to this but I just feel so sick about it all.

He used to love nursery but since changing rooms has been very unhappy & now I'm unsure whether to keep him there or not.

Do I involve the police or ofsted or will the nursery do this? They said they were following procedures & had removed the staff member immediately... I'm probably rambling but I just feel so uneasy about this, ds was extremely clingy tonight but so was I!

Supslick, one of my DC was intentionally hurt by a staff member at his school. LADO were great, as were the police. There was no conviction, on agreement that she won't be working with children again (nor will her superior).

It's a horiffic thing to experience - our DC being hurt by people in positions of trust.f'ing bastards! I hope you are both OK and that the investigations result in a positive outcome.

That was meant to say bastards

How are things OP?

I'd hardly call it gossiping if the OP were to discuss what has happened. After all, she was called in by the nursery as their own staff members had witnessed the abuse.

Yes, everyone is innocent until proven guilty, but the OP has had doubts about this staff member before and the nursery themselves have put the suspension in place. Unless the staff member in question is victim of some crazy stitch up (which I don't believe for a minute) then telling other parents exactly what has happened isn't going to sabotage anything.

If anything, keeping things quiet gives abusers more chance of going undiscovered. If the police have requested that the OP doesn't talk about it, that's a different matter.

Wibbly, as awful as it is, it is possible for a colleague with an axe to grind could make something up about someone.
I'm not saying that's what's happened here, but if someone made a false allegation about me I would like the opportunity to defend myself before having my name besmirched.
As I said, unlikely. Rightly this person has been suspended but it doesn't hurt anyone to remain discrete prior to the facts being established. I'd feel differently if the person was still in a position to hurt my/other people's children, but they're not.

Sounds awful OP, but so pleased to hear that the nursery have reported the incident to the correct people.

Personally, I'd be discussing the unhappiness in the new room with the nursery to find out if it was because of the staff member involved in the most recent incident, or something else. The fact that the nursery have acted quickly and correctly would encourage me to leave my DD attending while the worker is suspended at least. Although I'd not return them until after the police have been round. If the worker returned to work then I'd remove from the setting.

I also agree about remaining discrete while the investigation is going on.

It is weird that you are worried about the nursery worker's career in this situation. You only have ONE duty, and that's for the safety and wellbeing of your ds. You do not owe various nurseries and nursery workers a duty to ensure that all goes well for them in their chosen careers. You are balancing that against your own child's welfare as if the two are equally important to you. I know we all want to feel like we are fair people who give others a fair chance...but not at the expense of your child's welfare. You do not have to police the nursery to check if they are following procedures.

I have moved my dd from daycare, nursery, childminder, etc, for much less than this. I did not call ofsted or complain, but just moved. I would do it again. There are so many lovely nurseries and childcarers out there, you don't owe any duty of loyalty to the ones where your ds is hurt.

Sending your ds back to a place where he was hurt is not ok. The standard is that they should show love and happiness to your child, not that they should merely refrain from pushing him!!!

Of course OP can move her child for any reason she wants. I just don't advise discussing with all and sundry before the allegations are investigated.

OP has said a number of times that this situation makes her feel sick to her stomach. Move your child, don't keep him there if you are feeling sick about what happened to him. You don't have to explain to anybody why you are moving him, you don't owe anybody an explanation.

You don't even have to give notice, you can just never take him back. I have done this before, I just paid the fees in lieu of notice. I did not accuse anybody of anything, just went quietly. Unfortunately with babies or toddlers with their whole life ahead of them it's not worth powering through a grim situation that makes you sick just because you feel you should be 'fair' to the nursery and wait for the outcome of investigations.

How is your child op?

In terms of her career she needs to find something better suited to her.

Just one observation - the op said she 'shouted aggressively' (so presumably this was heard by someone). My first reaction is that she lost her temper, saw red rather than being a systematic child abuser.

Horrible situation for all concerned

What would concern me actually thinking about this again is if she was struggling to the extent above what support did the nursery have in place? Had they not noticed she was struggling /didn't like children very much. I actually find it hard to believe this came with no warning at all.

So I would lose a lot of confidence over this.

OP how is your ds doing? What a bloody awful situation for you both. Must be incredibly stressful think you are dealing with it all very well

How is your little one's back OP?
Hope you're ok too.

Having read the whole thread it seems that OP had been into the nursery a week or so earlier to try and discover why her DS, who had had no previous problems had become unhappy after his move into the next room. Putting two and two together to make 5 it may be that the staff member who has been suspended was the reason.

As OP's ds had previously been happy going to nursery (and presumably she was happy with the care that had been given) and with the staff member suspended at the moment I might be inclined to keep him off for a day to allow her to discuss things in detail with the manager, not so much about the incident (which will now be being investigated) but more about what would happen if her son returned, and especially so if the staff member implicated was allowed to return too. I would want some re-assurance that she/he would not be allowed anywhere near him. I think I would also need some re-assurance that they always took any concerns that were notified to them about a staff member seriously and nipped them in the bud. I know from experience that this isn't always the case (for many reasons) but not doing so can lead to extremely upsetting incidents like yours and those with even more devastating consequences.

I would imagine that the nursery would be very keen to keep the whole thing under-wraps and am sure they won't want to divulge details to other parents, but I would be asking whether they have any intention of doing so.

I hope your little boy (and you, OP) are OK. Many of us have no choice but to put our trust in others everyday to care for our children and it is heart breaking when this trust is broken.

Staff member has been removed, get back to normal if everything else is ok.