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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to phone the police over nursery staff pushing my ds

141 replies

SupSlick · 13/01/2015 20:32

Taken into the office at my 2 year olds nursery to say a staff member had been suspended for shouting aggressively & pushing my ds with "unreasonable & unacceptable" force.

Firstly, I know there is yet to be a formal investigation & secondly I know working with children can I suppose make someone vulnerable to accusations, but I just feel sick to my stomach about this.

My 2 year old is so affectionate & polite & eager to please & without outing anyone, he wasn't being naughty in the chain of events leading up to this but I just feel so sick about it all.

He used to love nursery but since changing rooms has been very unhappy & now I'm unsure whether to keep him there or not.

Do I involve the police or ofsted or will the nursery do this? They said they were following procedures & had removed the staff member immediately... I'm probably rambling but I just feel so uneasy about this, ds was extremely clingy tonight but so was I!

OP posts:
MrsTawdry · 13/01/2015 21:51

I don't even think you should send him back there. He needs to see that this is important and he's going to a better place. AND tell the other parents too because if their children were victims, then they may have been unhappy in recent weeks and they should know why!

Also...please...why would you give a shite about this woman's career and life? Confused

cansu · 13/01/2015 21:56

The nursery have informed you and have taken action to investigate. I really do not see why you would phone the police. The other thing to consider at this point is that this is an allegation. This means that it must be properly investigated before it can be described as an assault and any of the other hysterical nonsense on this thread. Of course you are worried and upset. However, you should let the nursery follow the correct procedure.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 21:56

well done op.

there is nothing more you can do now. Relax, don't clean house.

your son is safe, your aware of this danger...and he is safe from it.

ChasedByBees · 13/01/2015 21:57

How awful. :(

I'm glad you've contacted the police, it was the right decision.

123upthere · 13/01/2015 21:57

Don't most nurseries have CCTV nowadays? Please be the voice of your 2yr old and speak up about this regardless of how shy you feel

123upthere · 13/01/2015 21:58

Don't most nurseries have CCTV nowadays? Please be the voice of your 2yr old and speak up about this regardless of how shy you feel

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 21:59

cansu

from personal painful and horrific experience we must all protect our own - op cares for her son, the nursery cares for its business.

if op is very lucky the nursery will be totally open about this - but from experience once the reality and loss of ££ these sort of events can lead too, people clam up....and things can close inward.

therefore its imperative should this sort of thing ever happen, we should always put our own feelers out to protect our own.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 22:01

By the way op as an aside if you can I would try and hide the cleaning and stress over mess from your son esp in the next few days, if things are going on....stress around him anyway from the situation and what he has been through...try and keep things relaxed - even if behind scenes your frantically cleaning...

123upthere · 13/01/2015 22:02

Sod the cleaning your little one is more important IMO

Nicknacky · 13/01/2015 22:05

MrsTawdry The op is no doubt shocked and confused but I would put money on her not giving a hoot in a few days what happens to the member of staff. But I think it's understandable that her thoughts aren't clear right now. Give her a break.

And there is no harm in her contacting the police, at worst they will have two reports made about one incident but that isn't an issue. Better that than no one reports it. There was no rush to report tonight, as nothing would be done but it will be allocated for investigation.

scratchandsniff · 13/01/2015 22:14

This has made me feel really upset. My DS is also two and at nursery two days a week. As parents we put our complete trust in the staff to care for our children and not let them come to harm and comfort them if needed. You must be feeling such a jumble of emotions.

This person has to be stopped from working with children ever again. If you do that job you DONT EVER do anything like that no matter the circumstances.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 22:15

There was no rush to report tonight, as nothing would be done but it will be allocated for investigation

I disagree, I was keen for her to report so she did it.

Not be put off by the nursery tomorrow and talked down. The ball is rolling now thats the important part.

myfallingstar · 13/01/2015 22:16

Really your unsure weather to take him back

Do not take him back and yes call the police and ofsted and call the LEA (local education authority )

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 22:17

As parents we put our complete trust in the staff to care for our children and not let them come to harm and comfort them if needed

we must all learn to never ever put 100% trust in other people to look after anyone who is so young/vulnerable.

How many more cases do we need to get this.

We must always remain vigilant, pop in un announced and keep evaluating whats going on.

Of course we have to trust - but just dont ever put complete trust in there.

Nicknacky · 13/01/2015 22:18

will what I mean by that is there would be no police action tonight, therefore there is nothing lost by the op waiting until the morning. Any potential investigation would not be hampered by her not reporting it tonight.

But it's a moot point as she has contacted them and they will attend to speak to her.

myfallingstar · 13/01/2015 22:18

Blimey I feel a bit Confused my dd 2 has just started nursery yesterday I feel like I don't want to take her back

MrsTawdry · 13/01/2015 22:21

Star don't.. This is so rare.

Imnotbeingyourbestfriendanymor · 13/01/2015 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LaLyra · 13/01/2015 22:25

I think you should hold fire on making a decision to move him. By all means speak to the police, speak to OFSTED and speak to the nursery, keep a diary of everyone you speak to and what they tell you.

The current nursery, if the deal with the issue professionally and properly, is a safer bet (assuming the staff can deal with what has happened in a way that gives you confidence in them) than a new place with new people where you have no idea if they would deal with an issue well or brush it under the carpet. If everything checks out the way you have been told and a staff member is fired for mistreating your son then the nursery manager will most likely be all over the other staff in a way that will make your child the most protected child there! A good nursery manager who deals with this well, who has good staff under her in the people who are unafraid to speak against a colleague, is a great asset to have in a nursery because it could happen anywhere.

If you don't want to send him back until the investigation is complete that would be totally understandable, but I would resist making any decisions until everything is sorted out.

ChippingInLatteLover · 13/01/2015 22:28

This reply has been deleted

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ChippingInLatteLover · 13/01/2015 22:34

sup. I would take him back. The staff have followed the correct proceedure, they aren't minimising, lying or sweeping it under the carpet.

DS was happy there before, he knows the other staff and the other kids. I personally think you'll do more damage moving him, than just jetting him see that the 'naughty' staff member has been sent away and isn't allowed to look after the children anymore. He might feel 'punished' if he doesn't go back and he won't see for himself that it's safe to be away from you, there. It was just one 'naughty' person and they've gone away. I think moving him would be far more disruptive and make it into a 'Really Scary Big Thing' for him, when it needn't be. Yes it's beyond awful what happened, but you need to reassure him & keep things in a routine for him. Falling over & being pushed over happens a lot when you are little, putting adult feelings onto a situation he will probably get over quickly if it's not magnified isn't desirable.

Big hug
X

Esmeismyhero · 13/01/2015 22:35

Lol at chipping, well said

FightOrFlight · 13/01/2015 22:41

Yes and I would not rely on the nursery to conduct this

That's a bit of an unfair assumption Will unless you have personal experience of this particular nursery not following protocol.

As far as the comments about not trusting the nursery because they employed the worker in the first place, do you judge every business that has employed someone who subsequently turns out to commit an offence? If so then there must be very few organisations in the country that you consider to be trustworthy.

People don't come to an interview wearing a t-shirt saying "I'm going to commit a crime in the near future but employ me anyway". If there is no reason to suspect that someone is a potential thief/abuser/rapist then why on earth would they not employ them as long as they have a clean criminal record and a good reference.

mikado1 · 13/01/2015 22:41

You poor thing op....so distressing to think of a 2yo being pushed and from behind, what the hell was she thinking? ? It is something that he will forget quicker than you. Hope you get answers and as much satisfaction as you can x

NeedsAsockamnesty · 13/01/2015 23:00

The nursery have informed you and have taken action to investigate. I really do not see why you would phone the police. The other thing to consider at this point is that this is an allegation. This means that it must be properly investigated before it can be described as an assault and any of the other hysterical nonsense on this thread. Of course you are worried and upset. However, you should let the nursery follow the correct procedure

Who else is meant to investigate allegations of crimes then if not the police? Or should the nursery do it and leave the Childcare to the police

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