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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to phone the police over nursery staff pushing my ds

141 replies

SupSlick · 13/01/2015 20:32

Taken into the office at my 2 year olds nursery to say a staff member had been suspended for shouting aggressively & pushing my ds with "unreasonable & unacceptable" force.

Firstly, I know there is yet to be a formal investigation & secondly I know working with children can I suppose make someone vulnerable to accusations, but I just feel sick to my stomach about this.

My 2 year old is so affectionate & polite & eager to please & without outing anyone, he wasn't being naughty in the chain of events leading up to this but I just feel so sick about it all.

He used to love nursery but since changing rooms has been very unhappy & now I'm unsure whether to keep him there or not.

Do I involve the police or ofsted or will the nursery do this? They said they were following procedures & had removed the staff member immediately... I'm probably rambling but I just feel so uneasy about this, ds was extremely clingy tonight but so was I!

OP posts:
crumblebumblebee · 13/01/2015 20:48

I'd be questioning how on earth is was possible for DS to be alone in a room with the staff member. I'd want to know if the door was closed too.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 20:48

Remember this person was caught with a child in a room alone.

How many other times has this happened to your son or others? Shock

Original poster
SupSlick · 13/01/2015 20:49

I'm not well up on these things but would ofsted inform the police? Oh god I just feel sick about it. I was only in with the managers a few weeks ago asking if there was any reason why my ds suddenly hated nursery& now my imagination is running wild.

OP posts:
SavoyCabbage · 13/01/2015 20:50

I think you need more information from the nursery. What they are doing next and who they are reporting it to. I would report it as I would want to do everything I could to ensure it didn't happen to another child.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 20:53

why don't you call 101 and ask.

I have had to call 101 on many issues in the past, half the time I have started with

" hello, I am sorry I am not sure if this is a police matter or not....bla bla bla"

Not once have they been rude or horrid and always been extremely helpful and yes - every time I have phoned it has been a police matter...

call them now say - look not sure what to do - my son was assaulted at nursery I am in shock, I am not sure of procedures but I am shaken up, I dont know how long its been going on bla bla...he is 2!!

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 13/01/2015 20:54

My expectation would be that this person would be dismissed, to be honest.

That's simply beyond the pale. There's NO excuse. Gross misconduct, dismissal.

I would:

  • go in tomorrow and ask to speak with manager. Ask for details - full details - of what these 'procedures' they are following entail.
  • hopefully this will include reporting to ofsted - but whether they do or not, I would be contacting ofsted myself to ensure that it actually happens. Double check...
  • I would call 101 for advice and take it from there. It's an assault, it's not simply an 'internal' matter. And if I were told that I could press charges if I chose to - I would. If it were a way to help ensure that this person ended up looking for a job that would suit them better, outside childcare, I'd consider myself as doing a favour to them and any parent using a nursery they may end up working at.
  • I'd confirm that the worker was suspended, I'd probably keep my child away anyway for a few days but would make it clear that they wouldn't be in the building with them again. If worker returned, I'd withdraw my child and make damn sure every parent I could talk to knew why.

It's good that they've informed you etc. However, I simply wouldn't be prepared to find that the end point of this was a slap on the wrist. What if your DS had fallen and hit his head? Someone who can lose their temper with a baby needs to not be working in a nursery. It's unsafe, it's an unacceptable risk. FGS most normal people would not react like this to a baby - the fact that a nursery worker can is astonishing.

littleducks · 13/01/2015 20:54

It's great that the nursery are dealing with it not sweeping it under the carpet.

The suspension rather than firing thing might just be them carefully following the right procedure for employment law. It sounds like there would need to be an investigation as it's one persons word against another.

If you report to the police and they arrest her it will probably appear on DBS check. This would be useful if she went on to me a nanny or cm in future

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 20:54

this is YOUR son op!

the nursery takes care of its business, you take care of your son.

you have a number a phone I imagine and access to people who will tell you what to do...

just call them!

HedgehogsDontBite · 13/01/2015 20:54

Blimey OP how horrible for you and your poor little one. :(

My DS is nearly 2 and at nursery. If this happened to him someone would have to call the police to prevent a murder.

TheyLearnedFromBrian · 13/01/2015 20:55

Actually, reading your update and hearing that it wasn't some kind of stress sudden reaction but the worker alone with your child, presumably abusing him - I'd be moving hell and high water to have them prosecuted.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 20:55
  • I would call 101 for advice and take it from there. It's an assault, it's not simply an 'internal' matter. And if I were told that I could press charges if I chose to - I would. If it were a way to help ensure that this person ended up looking for a job that would suit them better, outside childcare, I'd consider myself as doing a favour to them and any parent using a nursery they may end up working at

yes yes! and do it now. put your mind at rest, they are the informed professionals!

phoenixrose314 · 13/01/2015 20:55

Hi, nursery teacher here! If the nursery have suspended the member of staff, it means they are following correct procedure and I would imagine they will call Ofsted as standard. However, next time you take DS in (if you do), explain you would like a meeting with management to discuss DS's recent unhappiness in his new room, and ask how the "incident" is being followed up.

Good luck OP, give you DS an extra squidge tonight xx

ChangingItUp · 13/01/2015 20:57

Unreasonable force is assault. It wasn't even a chastisment by the sounds of it which is even more worrying. And 2 ffs, still a baby.
I would definitely report to the police. This person clearly shouldn't be working with children.

Maidupmum · 13/01/2015 20:57

Its a safeguarding issue. They'll have to inform the LADO (Local Authority Designated Officer) & they'll inform the police. There'll then be a Strategy meeting & the LADO & police will decide whether to take it further..
Take it from one who knows :-(

PM me if you want further advice x

Solasum · 13/01/2015 20:57

I think it is very odd that the staff member was left alone with your DS. At our nursery, there are always two staff everywhere.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 20:58
  • TheyLearnedFromBrian Tue 13-Jan-15 20:54:07

Perfect advise to follow there op,

and for the sake of the other parents and children too they need to know.

their children may also have been upset and cant tell the parent and the parent will be none the wiser

chrome100 · 13/01/2015 21:00

I agree with a previous poster - I think the nursery have acted commendably in removing the staff member concerned and being open about it all. That would reassure me that it IS a good place.

One bad apple doesn't make a bad pie (or some other totally invented proverb)

KatieKaye · 13/01/2015 21:01

Absolutely awful.
Your poor DS. Has he said anything about this to you? How is he tonight?
I hope the nursery tell you they have reported this and give you full details of what they are doing, what will happen next and details of sources of info etc for your family.

WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 21:02

Chrome,

someone walked in and surprised someone assaulting a two year old.

brilliant that the nursery suspended them but can you tell me or op how long this staff member has been assaulting ops child or the other children for, alone in rooms?

Original poster
SupSlick · 13/01/2015 21:03

Thank you for all your posts everyone, kicking myself for not asking all questions about their procedures & things before but I just got teary & left asking to be kept updated.
Going to ring ofsted tomorrow & 101 to ask advice. And going to write down a couple (possibly 100) questions to ask nursery tomorrow. Luckily off work this week & going to ask my boss for further annual leave next week so I can keep him at home.
I'm still in two minds, one wants to go vigilante & make sure she never works with kids, vulnerable adults etc ever again, the other half of me is mindful that this could ruin her career & life.

But my poor little baby!!

OP posts:
bette06 · 13/01/2015 21:05

What actually happened and what was the intention of the member of staff in the situation? e.g. were they over-zealously pushing your son away from a danger and shouting in a frightening way for him to stop (in which case the nursery should also be looking into why the hazard was there) - or was he/she angry at your son and deliberately trying to hurt/frighten him? The former rightly needs investigation by the nursery but I wouldn't call the police - The latter I would (although obviously there's a whole host of situations in between and sometimes it's difficult to ascertain what actually happened...)

Original poster
SupSlick · 13/01/2015 21:07

We had a cuddle & talked about his day at bedtime as usual & he said "*nursery worker" naughty" I said why & he said "pushed me" I asked where & he said "toilets" which wasn't what I meant but which was actually where i was told by managers it happened. He then said he was pushed on his back & it hurts.
I said how that is naughty & he told me how it came about bit by bit (with a little embellishment that fireman Sam was there & told her off) x

OP posts:
WillBeatJanuaryBlues · 13/01/2015 21:07

why not ring them now?

put your mind at rest?

I'm still in two minds, one wants to go vigilante & make sure she never works with kids, vulnerable adults etc ever again, the other half of me is mindful that this could ruin her career & life.

This is not your business or your place.

Your son has been assaulted its your job to make sure the correct people know. Its your job to make sure police are aware, and nursery doesn't keep this internal. Of course they may want too. Its your job to make sure they don't nad getting proper advice from people who are professionals in this field, ie police is good way forward.

They will decide whether or not this person needs punishing not you.

whothehellknows · 13/01/2015 21:09

TBH, she won't be working with kids or vulnerable adults again, regardless of what you do. It probably will ruin her career, but then that's why people who want to work in nurseries don't push 2 year olds.

ithoughtofitfirst · 13/01/2015 21:09

I feel sick reading this. I would definitely ring. Bastard.

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