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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to end this school run arrangement?

126 replies

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:20

Since the start of school in Sept, my neighbour has been dropping off her 2 DC (DD8 & DS10) to me 3 mornings a week when she starts work early. I take them on the school run along with my DS (7), then drop DD (1) at childminder and go to work. It's a bit hectic getting all organised, but so far has worked out ok.

I mentioned to her today that I need to go into work early for a meeting next Monday, but DH is off for the day, so he can do the school run. She didn't say anything at the time, but I got a text from her an hour later asking if I had to go in for this meeting? I replied that yes I needed to, but reiterated DH didn't mind taking her DC in with our DS as normal. She then said she wasn't sure, would see if she could sort something else out but it was short notice. I've yet to reply, all I can think of saying is wtf?!

We've been neighbours and friends for 5 years, her kids have spent loads of time at our house - particularly in the school holidays. We've taken them out on days out to theme parks etc with us (she doesn't drive), and DH is in no way a stranger to them. They happily chat to him when they see him. I have no idea why on earth she doesn't want him to take them to school! He would have them for a maximum of 20 minutes at our house, then off to school (less than 10 min walk away)

AIBU to feel fucked off about this, and not want to continue the arrangement? (which doesn't benefit me in the slightest if I'm honest, but I was happy to do as a favour)

(I've NC for this in case it outs me, but am a long time MNer - honest!)

OP posts:
GlitteryLipgloss · 12/01/2015 12:24

YANBU.

She has a bit of a cheek. Are you her personal child minder/au pair?

I would be inclined to send a text back informing her that yes, you do have to attend said meeting thank you very much. And if your DH isn't good enough she is welcome to find alternative arrangements for that day and every other day from now on. Cheeky bitch!

LaurieFairyCake · 12/01/2015 12:24

After the meeting Id be texting her to say your working hours are changing and only your DH can do the run from now on.

Just for giggles and shits Grin

Justmuddlingalong · 12/01/2015 12:24

If she can sort something out for next Monday, she can sort something out full stop. Cheeky mare, sounds ungrateful and presumptuous.

HomeIsWhereTheHeartIs · 12/01/2015 12:26

My sensible side thinks: I would speak to her face to face about it. Texts can sometimes be taken in the wrong way.
But my initial reaction is - how very rude!!

stubbornstains · 12/01/2015 12:26

Does she never reciprocate on the mornings she doesn't have to go in early, or in the afternoons?

1chanceinamillion · 12/01/2015 12:28

I don't think YABU. She is BVU in asking you to change a meeting to suit her.

Most people would jump at the chance for what you have done for her, rather than start to issue terms.

stubbornstains · 12/01/2015 12:28

Oh whoops sorry, just noticed she doesn't drive Blush. Does she, for example, have your DS over for a couple of hours for a play and give him tea or something then? Ever? Hmm.

Theboodythatrocked · 12/01/2015 12:28

What Glittery said

Cheeky cow!

Tinkerball · 12/01/2015 12:28

Never mind stopping just because of this, you are providing regular free childcare, she's taking you for a mug.

weaselsquirrel · 12/01/2015 12:29

Yanbu, you are doing her a huge favour. Very odd, if it was me I would message back asking if she has an issue with dh?

xlibbyx · 12/01/2015 12:30

I often think that the more you do for someone the more they expect from you.

Sounds to me like she is totally taking your kindness and help for granted and just expects it from you as a given, therefore thinks that she is totally in the right for being annoyed at being inconvenienced. She also sounds like one of life's takers.

Personally I wouldn't reply to the text any further; leave the ball in her court and leave it up to her to contact you when she realises she cannot make other arrangements for the day of the meeting.

Then I'd simply tell her that after X date you won't be able to do the school runs for her any longer.

She sounds like the type of person that will fall out with you when she can't have her own way but tbh it doesnt sound as though her friendship would be that much of a loss!

ThePriceOfMagic · 12/01/2015 12:31

YANBU.

I would be informing her that the current arrangement is no longer working for you and she will need to find alternative childcare.

BackforGood · 12/01/2015 12:31
Shock

Am stunned at some peoples reactions to Dads actually doing childcare - I challenge it on here quite a bit.

It seems like you are doing an awful lot of childcare for her - at, lets face it, is a chaotic time in most households with small dc - What is she doing for you ? I'm not generally a tit-for-tat person, I believe in helping out when I can, but 3 mornings every week to save her paying for childcare does seem to be taking the biscuit.

molesbreath · 12/01/2015 12:32

I'd be wtf ? With her replies too.

Don't send any more texts for now. You could end up regretting something you say in haste. As others say text can come over all wrong.

I love the responce Laurie gives. Tell her for fun after Mondays meeting that it will be DHs responsibility from now on Grin

benfoldsfive · 12/01/2015 12:32

Ask her why. Face to face. She might think it's too much for him, doesn't want to be a hassle to him?

But yes cheeky mare asking you to change your meeting. Does she give toy anything in return? baby sitting ect?

bexster5 · 12/01/2015 12:33

My initial reaction would be a total FU but ...You've been neighbours and friends for 5 years and however rude / odd this seems you'll continue to be neighbours afterwards. So I'm thinking try to keep the peace somehow?

You could try ignoring her response initially. See what she sorts out.

But I would find thoughts of why she didn't want your DH to do her school run would fester...

So I would be tempted to talk to her and say you felt really offended by her behaviour. See if she can explain herself?!

MrsCakesPrecognition · 12/01/2015 12:34

The only explanations are that she a) doesn't like the way your DH drives b) doesn't like the way your DH behaves round her kids c) has some sort of history with your DH which means she doesn't want to be around him d) she is weird.

I suspect that d) is the right answer, but if she believes any of the other options then she may be relieved to end the arrangement, so you be doing everyone a favour.

Viviennemary · 12/01/2015 12:34

She sounds cheeky. And yes I would call a halt to the arrangement by saying you need to be in work earlier sometimes at very short notice. In other words tell her to get lost. And I agree that the more you do for some folk the more they expect.

Abra1d · 12/01/2015 12:35

I'd just ignore the text, too, and see what else happens.

What a nerve.

molyholy · 12/01/2015 12:37

She is a cheeky bugger!!!!!!!

Greywackejones · 12/01/2015 12:38

I'm with lauriefairycakes.

I'd be quite insulted in your shoes.

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2015 12:38

I got a text from her an hour later asking if I had to go in for this meeting

What normal person would text that. I would stop doing the school run for her DC with immediate effect. It's a huge pain in the bum taking other people's children to school, even one let alone two.

LindyHemming · 12/01/2015 12:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

angelos02 · 12/01/2015 12:39

She asked if you had to attend the meeting??? Wtf?

As PPs have said, cheeky mare.

OnlyLovers · 12/01/2015 12:40

She's a cheeky cat to ask you if you really had to go in for your meeting.

I'd ignore this latest text. I don't think I'd lie to her about my hours changing and/or call off the arrangement, though –not yet anyway. I'd see how she behaves in this case and take it from there.