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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to end this school run arrangement?

126 replies

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:20

Since the start of school in Sept, my neighbour has been dropping off her 2 DC (DD8 & DS10) to me 3 mornings a week when she starts work early. I take them on the school run along with my DS (7), then drop DD (1) at childminder and go to work. It's a bit hectic getting all organised, but so far has worked out ok.

I mentioned to her today that I need to go into work early for a meeting next Monday, but DH is off for the day, so he can do the school run. She didn't say anything at the time, but I got a text from her an hour later asking if I had to go in for this meeting? I replied that yes I needed to, but reiterated DH didn't mind taking her DC in with our DS as normal. She then said she wasn't sure, would see if she could sort something else out but it was short notice. I've yet to reply, all I can think of saying is wtf?!

We've been neighbours and friends for 5 years, her kids have spent loads of time at our house - particularly in the school holidays. We've taken them out on days out to theme parks etc with us (she doesn't drive), and DH is in no way a stranger to them. They happily chat to him when they see him. I have no idea why on earth she doesn't want him to take them to school! He would have them for a maximum of 20 minutes at our house, then off to school (less than 10 min walk away)

AIBU to feel fucked off about this, and not want to continue the arrangement? (which doesn't benefit me in the slightest if I'm honest, but I was happy to do as a favour)

(I've NC for this in case it outs me, but am a long time MNer - honest!)

OP posts:
QuintlessShadows · 12/01/2015 12:40

What an insult to your dh! She clearly thinks her kids taken to school by a woman is more important than your JOB.

CatsClaus · 12/01/2015 12:41

so you are providing a school run and free childcare for two children every day?

She's a cheeky one and no mistake...tell her to make her alternative arrangements permanent.

sparechange · 12/01/2015 12:41

Can you just ask her outright if she is suggesting DH isn't capable of doing the school run?

CatsClaus · 12/01/2015 12:42

forgot to edit...i re read and saw it was only three days, but still...

cheeky still!

Original poster
BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:42

Yes DS goes round to play at theirs too, but our house tends to be favoured by the kids as we've got a playroom & bigger garden for summertime. When I was pg with DD she used to pick up DS from school if my midwife appts over ran. She only started working in Sept, before that she was mostly a SAHM or did a couple of evenings a week.

The agreement was that she would do some babysitting for us in exchange, but we've only managed that a couple of times due to illness & lack of money to go out!

I work pt, so do pick ups myself, her DC have various clubs/sports on the days she works so she collects them afterwards.

Up until today I haven't minded doing this for her. I know it made things easier. Her DP leaves for work early, but he wouldn't be inclined to help out anyway. Even if he's off on one of her working days he sends the kids to me in the morning (usually earlier that normal too!)

Im just baffled by her message Confused

OP posts:
OnlyLovers · 12/01/2015 12:43

Even if he's off on one of her working days he sends the kids to me in the morning (usually earlier that normal too!)

I would dig my heels in about that.

angelos02 · 12/01/2015 12:45

Even if he's off on one of her working days he sends the kids to me in the morning (usually earlier that normal too!)

Fuck that. You're not her staff.

m0therofdragons · 12/01/2015 12:45

A friend once let me down re childcare and offered her fiancé. Dc didn't know him and he hadn't ever had 2yos (I have twins) so I felt it was too much and unfair on him. But that doesn't sound like you and your neighbour. My dh is very good with dc so I would be offended if I had a neighbour do this to me and would have to ask what the issue is. May just be she had the arrangement with you so doesn't want to put your dh out.

Original poster
BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:46

I nearly laughed at her first message, was so tempted to reply 'no I just fancied going in early for a change!'

OP posts:
TheOriginalSteamingNit · 12/01/2015 12:47

Ignore the text - there's nothing you can say to it, is there?

fancyanotherfez · 12/01/2015 12:49

She is probably projecting her own DH's uselessness with his own kids onto your DH. I know women who don't leave the kids with their DH because 'they've never had all the kids on his own' etc etc.. and the kids are school age! It's ridiculous. If you were paid to do the school run I would send the kids to you when I was off if I wanted to you, just because it would be easier, but doing it when you are doing them a favour, and earlier than normal is taking the piss. At the very least, i'd pull her up on that!

Sparklingbrook · 12/01/2015 12:52

Text back and say actually your husband doesn't want to do it and neither do you.

Original poster
BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:53

Her 'D'P is a bit of a knobber really. They aren't his kids, so the way he sees it keeping a roof over their heads/bills paid/food in the house is more than enough from him. She even had to pull out of my hen party the day before. She said she had no money, but things she said afterwards have led me to believe he refused to stay in and look after them.

That's partly why I agreed to help her out, so she gets a bit more independence and isn't financially reliant on him.

OP posts:
SauvignonBlanche · 12/01/2015 12:53

YANBU at all, what a cheek!

SistersOfPercy · 12/01/2015 12:54

YANBU

I think I'd put an end to the whole thing. Enough hassle with kids of your own without dealing with a bloody princess.

QuintlessShadows · 12/01/2015 12:55

Maybe she thinks all me are like her own dp?

girlywhirly · 12/01/2015 12:56

Phone her, and ask what her misgivings are about DH taking her DC to school at the same time as your DS. Because he isn't a stranger to them, and really if she needs his help on that day she should accept it gratefully. You could remind her that the arrangement you have is as a favour and that so far hasn't been reciprocated, and it is unreasonable of neighbour to expect you to be available at all times.

If you want to mention the amount of time her DC spend at your home during the summer holidays compared to your DC at her home, please do as I think she is taking advantage. Suggest that you may need to have more early work starts in the future, so cannot guarantee your continuing arrangement, and that she will need to make alternative ones for her DC.

Clobbered · 12/01/2015 12:56

New Year, new regime. I think you need to say to her that you didn't mind helping out for a bit while she got settled into her new job, but you've realised that it is creating quite a lot of extra work for you, and you may well have to rely on DH more in future (no need to explore why she is unhappy about that) and you won't be able to continue doing regular school runs for her after - insert date of your choice ?end of January ?half term. Don't negotiate, don't feel bad, just back off and let her sort out her own mess. The arrangement you thought you were entering in to clearly isn't happening (the reciprocal babysitting) and even if that is "your fault" because you haven't been able to go out, she should have at least offered to do something else for you to make this a fair arrangement. Instead of which she has used and abused your kindness. No need to have a fall-out, just say your piece and leave it at that. I think you'll find she will manage just fine, and it's not your problem anyway, is it?

dustarr73 · 12/01/2015 12:56

Shes just a user and using her "useless" dp as an exscuse.Just stop with the school runs and childcare.Its not your problem.

JennieR60 · 12/01/2015 13:02

Yanbu. Id say yes I do need to attend the meeting and if my husband isn't good enough to look after your children then please find alternative arrangements for that day and others.

Bloody cheek.

Original poster
BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 13:03

He's only been home twice since she started working. The first time he dropped then over I did say he was early (in a jokey way, thinking he wasn't sure what time they normally came) & the second time he sent them over by themselves so I couldn't really send them back!

I'm not going to lie about work hours, she knows my DH usually starts at 6am so wouldn't be able to regularly do school run.

Right, just text her asking if she had an issue with DH looking after them. I might suggest she considers the school breakfast club as an option from now on.

OP posts:
ovaryhill · 12/01/2015 13:14

I would take from that the implication that she feels her children are not safe with your husband and if that is the case I would be telling her to go fuck herself,

waithorse · 12/01/2015 13:24

How strange. I'm very interested to hear her reply.

McKayz · 12/01/2015 13:26

It seems very strange. I wouldn't keep taking her children to school.

Rivercam · 12/01/2015 13:27

I thought also that possibly she didn't want to put your husband to any bother. However, to change your meeting! Total shock! its her responsibility to take her children to school. Would she expect you to take her children to school if yours were home poorly ( not that I'm wishing illness on your dcs).

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