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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to end this school run arrangement?

126 replies

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:20

Since the start of school in Sept, my neighbour has been dropping off her 2 DC (DD8 & DS10) to me 3 mornings a week when she starts work early. I take them on the school run along with my DS (7), then drop DD (1) at childminder and go to work. It's a bit hectic getting all organised, but so far has worked out ok.

I mentioned to her today that I need to go into work early for a meeting next Monday, but DH is off for the day, so he can do the school run. She didn't say anything at the time, but I got a text from her an hour later asking if I had to go in for this meeting? I replied that yes I needed to, but reiterated DH didn't mind taking her DC in with our DS as normal. She then said she wasn't sure, would see if she could sort something else out but it was short notice. I've yet to reply, all I can think of saying is wtf?!

We've been neighbours and friends for 5 years, her kids have spent loads of time at our house - particularly in the school holidays. We've taken them out on days out to theme parks etc with us (she doesn't drive), and DH is in no way a stranger to them. They happily chat to him when they see him. I have no idea why on earth she doesn't want him to take them to school! He would have them for a maximum of 20 minutes at our house, then off to school (less than 10 min walk away)

AIBU to feel fucked off about this, and not want to continue the arrangement? (which doesn't benefit me in the slightest if I'm honest, but I was happy to do as a favour)

(I've NC for this in case it outs me, but am a long time MNer - honest!)

OP posts:
SeasonsEatings · 12/01/2015 13:30

I don't see any harm in a text saying that you would have thought that she would be happy with DH taking the children but if she has issues with it then feel free to make her own arrangments and that in the future you imagine DH will be doing the school run at other times when you have meetings so if she isn't happy with then start thinking about making other arrangements rather than being caught short?

Toooldtobearsed · 12/01/2015 13:34

Can no one else hear the partner saying 'text her back and ask if she has to go in, she shouldn't be dumping the kids on her husband'?

Talk to her face to face and find out. It may all be a misunderstanding. You may be being taken for a mug, but if she has offered to reciprocate with babysitting, she does not sound too much of a user.

TimeWarp · 12/01/2015 13:35

I think it would be fair enough to tell her that you won't be able to guarantee that it will always be you doing the school run, for all sorts of reasons, meeting, illness etc. Plus, you may not be able to give her any notice of the times that your DH will be doing it, so it would be in her best interests to find a solution that she is happy with and doesn't rely on you. You will, of course, be more than happy to help her out on an ad hoc basis (for instance if the breakfast club is closed for some reason) but your own child-wrangling arrangements are complicated enough as it is without having to take her preferences into account as well.

TBH it really doesn't matter why she doesn't want your DH to do it, you know it's to do with her neuroses and not your DH's character. I wouldn't bother trying to convince her of anything or find a compromise or even waste time being offended, just let it be her problem. If she doesn't want your DH to take them, fine, that's up to her and you have no further interest.

OnlyLovers · 12/01/2015 13:37

You're very kind to help her out so she doesn't have to rely on her DP (who does sound like an arse).

It's still not your problem though, essentially, and still cheeky of her to question your other arrangements.

Tinkerball · 12/01/2015 13:40

Either her - or her DP obviously gave a problem with your DH looking after her kids.

ohbollocks2u · 12/01/2015 13:43

To be harsh her problems are not your responsibility

Interested to see her reply

ohbollocks2u · 12/01/2015 13:44

And Echo what timewarp said

Justmuddlingalong · 12/01/2015 13:46

And yet she is happy for her kids to spend time playing at your house and on days out and whenever it suits her.

SaucyMare · 12/01/2015 13:47

maybe she is one of the crazy all men are pedos people, so is actually worried, not just normal crazy.

Waitingonasunnyday · 12/01/2015 13:48

I think she doesn't want to put your DH out. Because in her experience, men don't do childcare. I feel sorry for her being in a relationship with an arse but it doesn't mean you have to make up for it!

Quintanimo · 12/01/2015 13:53
PulpsNotFiction · 12/01/2015 13:54

Wow! What an absolute cheek and how insulting! You sound a bit too nice OP, personally I think it's a big ask having an extra 2dc landing on you 3 mornings a week. I wouldn't have done it unless it was a relative or just as a temporary arrangement for a good friend.

I don't do other people's children very well as they're never as well behaved as my own! Grin

zipzap · 12/01/2015 13:55

I'd have sent a text back along the lines of 'did you seriously just ask me that?!?' or maybe 'Really?!?' and see what happened.

I'd also be tempted to find out why she is against your dh doing the school run and make sure that she tells her dp the exact time they should be over at your house and that he shouldn't be dropping them off early...

davejudgement · 12/01/2015 13:55

These sort of arrangements always end in tears when one side realises the other is a bit piss-takey.

I've just ended a weekly pick up for someone when I realised that I was being used for convenience rather than necessity ( I found that the mum was actually at home and couldn't be arsed to pick up her DC ).

Sadly I think you are going to find it hard to get past it now she's looked a gift horse in the mouth.

HollyJollyDillydolly · 12/01/2015 13:58

It doesn't sound a very fair arrangement. Can't imagine why she'd have a problem with your dh doing the school run. Silly.
Wonder if she'll say what her issue is.

MildDrPepperAddiction · 12/01/2015 13:58

Ask her to explain what she means.

JeffVaderRunsTheDeathStar · 12/01/2015 14:27

.

Royalsighness · 12/01/2015 14:30

What a cheeky bitch!

Royalsighness · 12/01/2015 14:31

My mom used to have this arrangement with our neighbour but was paying her 50 quid a week!

notonyourninny · 12/01/2015 14:36

These arrangements often seem to go badly. I'd sack it off regardless? Far too mych effort imho.

I don't think her being weary of a man is unusual really. Im not like that btw. Anyway, cheeky mo asking about meeting!

GlitteryLipgloss · 12/01/2015 14:38

She is taking the piss out of you. regardless if you are helping her out etc etc - they are both taking the complete piss.

Interested to hear her bullshit reply.

MokunMokun · 12/01/2015 15:07

Good on you for asking. Can't wait to hear her reply.

QueenofallIsee · 12/01/2015 15:16

I see so many issues like this - no way would I agree to a daily arrangement with anyone anymore, I like my friends and want to keep them..down this road it seems disaster lies!

InsomniaIsNotCool · 12/01/2015 15:33

I would tell her your hours have now changed and that you can no longer take her DC to school any more.

nunkspugget · 12/01/2015 15:35

Agree queen.....a pushy friend of mine once mentioned buying next door to me! That weekend I fitted net curtains, and a large gate! Such was my fear from reading threads like this. She didn't buy it. But it honestly filled me with such dread. The gate was so I didnt end up with kids being sent into my garden to be looked after play.