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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to end this school run arrangement?

126 replies

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 12:20

Since the start of school in Sept, my neighbour has been dropping off her 2 DC (DD8 & DS10) to me 3 mornings a week when she starts work early. I take them on the school run along with my DS (7), then drop DD (1) at childminder and go to work. It's a bit hectic getting all organised, but so far has worked out ok.

I mentioned to her today that I need to go into work early for a meeting next Monday, but DH is off for the day, so he can do the school run. She didn't say anything at the time, but I got a text from her an hour later asking if I had to go in for this meeting? I replied that yes I needed to, but reiterated DH didn't mind taking her DC in with our DS as normal. She then said she wasn't sure, would see if she could sort something else out but it was short notice. I've yet to reply, all I can think of saying is wtf?!

We've been neighbours and friends for 5 years, her kids have spent loads of time at our house - particularly in the school holidays. We've taken them out on days out to theme parks etc with us (she doesn't drive), and DH is in no way a stranger to them. They happily chat to him when they see him. I have no idea why on earth she doesn't want him to take them to school! He would have them for a maximum of 20 minutes at our house, then off to school (less than 10 min walk away)

AIBU to feel fucked off about this, and not want to continue the arrangement? (which doesn't benefit me in the slightest if I'm honest, but I was happy to do as a favour)

(I've NC for this in case it outs me, but am a long time MNer - honest!)

OP posts:

Purplepoodle · 12/01/2015 16:08

I would be texted her telling her that I am offended that she doesn't trust my husband to take her children to school and that as a result she should make her own arrangements for getting dc to school

ohbollocks2u · 12/01/2015 16:14

I agree with timewarp

Original poster

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 16:29

Sorry for delay in coming back, work and kids keeping me occupied!

She text me back saying she was sorry if she'd upset me, and that her DP had made a comment about it not being right DH bring in charge of them. I wish I could say my reply was calm and reasoned... but I was far too irritated by then!

OP posts:

Ifyourawizardwhydouwearglasses · 12/01/2015 16:31

It sounds to me like her partner is very controlling to say the least :(

I would be kind with her.

McKayz · 12/01/2015 16:34

What was the reply you sent?

Waitingonasunnyday · 12/01/2015 16:34

We were right then, her partner is an arse. Of course now your DH has 'shown him up' by being a nice and normal responsible person. I bet NeighbourDP starts slagging you all off to her.

rookiemere · 12/01/2015 16:40

Good for youBumblegirl for sending a forthright response. It doesn't matter what it was, she deserves it.

Yours is about the 5th thread I have read here over the course of the past couple of days where other peoples behaviour has left me flabbergasted. If someone did the horrible school run for me 3 days a week I'd be showering them with Roses and gift vouchers, not taking the absolute mickey and trying to dictate their working routine. She sounds incredibly entitled and yes perhaps her "D"P is controlling - still doesn't give her the right to dictate how she gets her DCs free lifts.

HazleNutt · 12/01/2015 16:46

Ooh what did you say? I hope something in the lines that as her DP is so worried, from now on, he can be in charge of the kids.

Original poster

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 16:46

Strangely her DP is always friendly/chatty when he sees us, but he has fallen out with a lot of the other neighbours. I think he's selfish, and quite a jealous person, he seems to have a set idea of how he wants things in 'his' house. I'm not sure her working fits into these ideas of his, so wouldn't be surprised if he's stirring things to make it hard for her to keep the job. So yes, pretty controlling behaviour really!

I did say that he was in no position to criticise DH's parenting abilities when he does absolutely nothing himself.

OP posts:

Stealthpolarbear · 12/01/2015 16:48

Original poster

BumbleGirl · 12/01/2015 16:54

I basically said that I couldn't be bothered with this sort of bullshit, and that she should make other arrangements from now on.

OP posts:

Amammi · 12/01/2015 16:54

Looks from this that he is very old fashioned. You need to do your own thing and don't let this couple impact too much on your day to day life. No way would I be letting them guilt me about attending an early work meeting. If it suits you to help her out the odd time do it but maybe pull back a bit now I reckon. She is established in work has a routine going and its time for her to get a proper childcare arrangement in place now. You have done loads and she is up and running and you can still do the playdates etc if you cut this now before the next issue crops up and ends up in an argument.

waithorse · 12/01/2015 17:10

He sounds a total dick and she isn't much better.

LindyHemming · 12/01/2015 17:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Quitelikely · 12/01/2015 17:14

OP try to remember that she is in a somewhat abusive relationship and this man is quite clearly succeeding in alienating her from her support networks.

I know it's not your problem but bear it in mind. This is HIM talking through her.

Lambzig · 12/01/2015 17:36

I agree with quitelikely, I would be worried that this is him making it impossible for her to work and alienating you.

I don't blame you for being very annoyed, and obviously it's up to you whether you help her on the school run, but that sounds like an abusive relationship and she may need you as a friend.

OnlyLovers · 12/01/2015 17:36

Well, good for you, OP.

I don't disagree with Quite above, though, that it sounds as though the 'D'P is trying to isolate her. I don't for one second think that means you should carry on looking after her kids; in fact I don't know what I think you SHOULD do. I don't know what I'd do if I thought someone was being controlled and isolated.

expatinscotland · 12/01/2015 17:37

At the end of the day it is her decision to go along with her partner. She needs to make other arrangements. YANBU.

whothehellknows · 12/01/2015 17:45

Just wondering, since the neighbor's children are 10 and 8, can the older child not just walk his older sibling to school, if it's only 10 minutes?

CruCru · 12/01/2015 17:49

What is it with pisstakers wanting free childcare?

Nanny0gg · 12/01/2015 17:53

It's either that he is controlling and jealous and he doesn't trust her around another man, or he thinks childminding is Women's Work.

Either way he is a pig, but it does make me feel sorry for her.

Can you actually talk to her when he's not around? If he doesn't know the arrangements have changed he can't put a spanner in the works.

dustarr73 · 12/01/2015 18:03

Even if he is controlling thats not the ops problem.And anyway we only have the ops friend saying that.It doesnt make it true.

You have your get out of jail card now so use it.

Stealthpolarbear · 12/01/2015 18:06

Yes but if the op carried on she'd be allowing him to abuse her too, via the friend

Stealthpolarbear · 12/01/2015 18:07

And in his defence most people seem to think child care is the woman's responsibility

Icimoi · 12/01/2015 18:15

Betcha the DP will send the kids round on their own tomorrow morning.

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