To expect the au pair to eat breakfast in her own time?

[Mammagaga]

The au pair works from 8-10 every morning AIBU to expect that she feeds the baby at 8am instead of leaving her screaming while she makes and eats her own breakfast?!

OP I think if I worked for 2 hours a day in any job I would not eat during work time. Your pay and perks seem fair - I bet you'd get another AP in a heartbeat. YANBU

YANBU in expecting her to feed your child as instructed.

YABVU in continuing to expose your children to this person.

who looks after the Dc after school?

Massive drip feed was irritating but if course YANBU. Get rid of au pair. In fact, why not get rid of au pair and childminder and employ a nanny instead - suspect cost would be broadly the same.

YANBU. She sounds quite immature and clueless. I think you need to talk to her and clearly explain what is expected of her in the morning. Presumably you eat your own breakfast quite early if you leave the house at 8.00 a.m? Perhaps she could have breakfast with you so that she is free to feed the baby when you leave the house. It wouldn't be unreasonable to expect this considering that she doesn't have to do anything later on in the day.

If she refuses to co operate you'll have to ask her to leave. I'm sure that you won't have a problem getting a good au pair if you live in the centre of London and they are only required to work a 10 hours a week. Some of DD's friend's have had au pairs and it always seems to work very well.

Chunderella, you don't have to wield a your big employment lawyer stick to beat the OP with. Trust me lots of lawyers employ aupairs without getting their knickers in a twist.

We are all clear that whatever the BAPAA says is not law, it is just guidance. As for what is sole charge, do we really care if what we are interpreting is not even law?

Do 18 year olds do babysitting of a toddler? All the time. So how different is that from an 18 year old aupair looking after a toddler for 2 hours a day? An aupair is in an even better position than a random babysitter because she has easy access to the parents, lives in and knows the lay of the land.

I fail to see how it is a concern that the OP's aupair looks after her toddler for 2 hours a day in a very comfortable environment and on extremely favourable terms.

GraysAnalogy, I would also urge you to read the thread before you come out all guns blazing.

The OP has already explained in detail why she is unable to feed her child first. Do you think people employ aupairs so that they can sit around doing their nails or have lie-ins?

Mn is a weird place at times. Yanbu of course in this set up, au pair should eat on her own time or at least after baby. As an aside, I thought ap should only look after school ages children.

Fwiw, there are loads of ap were I live, they look after babies full time, i assume for naff all. One had baby from2 weeks old.

when I was an au pair I ate either before or with the kids. Tbh if you are part of the family - then with the kids

Its fair enough saying op should eat with the family but what idiot leaves a baby crying while they eat. Having said that, at 18 months baby can feed herself, no?

you feed and eat

Yanbu, she sounds awful, poor baby! I'd definitely get rid of her, maybe look into a nanny share or could she start earlier with the cm?

The guidelines don't say sole charge they say sole continuous charge

From Au Pair in Britain site. I found this last year when looking for childcare for my then under-2.

"Au pairs are not trained childcarers and must not have sole charge of children under 2 years of age if both parents work outside the home. However very limited duties, such as dropping off and collecting from full time daycare can be considered for younger children, as long as at least one parent arrives home soon afterwards.Au pairs can also care for children under 2 for limited periods before and after thedaily nanny arrives for work or leaves for the day. They may also do evening babysitting. Otherwise only limited part time sole charge of 2 year olds, for example the equivalent of care on two to three days per week, is acceptable"

The issue is not the au-pair eating breakfast, it's that she's letting the baby scream.

I wouldn't care if the au-pair at breakfast with the children, I'd think that was nice...but would be if she let any of the DC scream/cry without responding.

Thanks for all of you who offered advice on the AIBU question about the breakfast, it's nice to see different views - as for the daily mail comments I'd love to respond but I don't know who the 'woman with a wonky eye' or green dress is as I don't have time to sit on my arse reading trashy tabloids and bitching about others!

OH OP - I AM NOW ON TEAM AU PAIR

you sound like an arse

Well could you tell her that she can eat her breakfast after she feeds the baby, or have her start later, say at 9am.

I don't have time to sit on my arse reading trashy tabloids and bitching about others

Indeed, instead you sit on your arse MNing and bitching about your AP...

I've read all the op posts and skimmed the rest and honestly I can't see why she is coming in for all this abuse.

Aeroflotgirl I'm not entirely sure why the op should 'get the aupair to start later, say 9', since she had employed her to start work when she needs her, when she leaves for work, at 8

Op imho yanbu. She has a good deal, having read how other aupairs are treated, and is not too much to expect her to do as you ask in this 2 hour time window given that she has the rest of the day to do and eat as she pleases.

I'd either ask her not to come back or sit her down when she returns with a list of written instructions as to what you expect from her and a formal warning that if she does not follow these instructions she will be asked to leave.

Op, can baby feed self if supervised and provided with food?

When she comes back state explicitly what she is expected to do. Write it down and stick it on fridge/kitchen cupboard if you have to.

IMHO YANBU. Regardless of the fact she is an au pair if a child is hungry and you are in the same room and you don't feed them I think that's quite cruel that she doesn't feed her.

When she comes back state explicitly what she is expected to do. Write it down and stick it on fridge/kitchen cupboard if you have to.

IMHO YANBU. Regardless of the fact she is an au pair if a child is hungry and you are in the same room and you don't feed them I think that's quite cruel that she doesn't feed her.