To expect the au pair to eat breakfast in her own time?

[Mammagaga]

The au pair works from 8-10 every morning AIBU to expect that she feeds the baby at 8am instead of leaving her screaming while she makes and eats her own breakfast?!

Where are you getting "not at all, ever" from? The BPAA guideance says "continuous sole charge" which to me would imply full time or at the very most sole charge being permitted sometimes; it is, at the very least ambiguous (and also not legally enforceable).

Wow, what a delightful set of responses on this thread. Vitriol, much?

OP - YANBU, a helpful poster earlier on the thread mentioned writing a detailed list of times & tasks then walking the au pair through it. I think this is an excellent idea, I would start with this approach & if there are still issues terminate her contract.

What a bonkers thread. I can't think of an au pair job easier than the OP is describing - 2 hrs care a day for 3 children is fine. And what idiot doesn't realise an 18 mo needs feeding?

OP glad you are getting rid, she sounds lazy and dishonest.

Yanbu. She has a great deal, 10 hours a week, free accommodation, a railcard and food. I have little knowledge about au pairs but I bet there's thousands of young people scraping by in London doing restaurant work, acting or bar work that would love to have this deal! It would fit in with their commitments and I bet the room in your house is lovely compared to some of the house shares available. Bet they would do a great job too as they realise how expensive London living is!

Get rid!

minty don't try and patronise me or resort to personal insults

I get up half an hour earlier so I can feed my own child. It's something nice we do in the morning together. i cannot believe the OP is passing on her hungry baby to the au pair. Y'know the au pair who should have sole charge of a child anyway.

I'd tell her not to bother getting on the plane. -save her having to buy a return ticket.

You pay her (quite bloody well) to look after your kids, and she is failing to do so.

You shouldn't need to pay her more, change her hours, talk to her etc to make her understand that people need to be fed.

not feeding your kids before school, instead making them look after their younger sibling, will affect you older kids ability to concerntrait and learn.

Not feeding the baby is only going to anger him, and affect the way his behaviour develops.

(The way the first post was written I was going to say does the help gave to eat downstairs?! But that's clearly not the issue, it's not that she eats, it's that she's putting herself before your kids.)

Shouldn't and the child not a child*

Au pairs are allowed to have full charge of children - just not for more than a few hours a day ( ie not 9 to 5 care or anything approaching it). And leaving an au pair to feed the toddler is neither bad parenting or way outside typical au pair duties either.

I wouldn't mind her job.

I'd tell to fuck off and get someone else personally. If you are allowed to do that ?

Grays that's a lovely morning routine & it clearly works for you but it is not suitable for the OP and her family. That why she is paying for help.

The OP was not asking for your parenting tips about bonding with her child or how she should structure her morning to fit in breakfast. I'm afraid the only post that was patronising was your own.

This thread is nuts.

Of course YANBU.

Of course yanbu.

Baby wakes at 7.45 and the au pair is expected to get the baby some breakfast. It's been a long while since my 3 were babies but I'm sure I managed to assist breakfast and eat at the same time!

If she is only doing 10 hrs a week the gov may consider her employed rather than an au pair.

She is required to about 30hrs/PW by government not OP.

Unless the OP comes back to explain exactly what kind of contract the au-pair is on, we can't really speculate further.

So, as an ex au-pair, (who did a hell of a lot more than 10 hours a week for a hell of a lot less) I'm still doing a chinny reckon about what this girl's contract says.

Because I don't really see the AIBU. Person legally contracted to do something isn't doing it. Terminate the contract (obviously with due verbal and written warnings if necessary in accordance with said contract.

There is a contract I presume? Because I'm beginning to wonder.

If the job is that cosy and it is 2 hours per day then there should be others who want it and then there is no reason for OP to keep someone who starves her baby.
Unless the deal is good for OP and she gets afternoon childcare too, plus cleaning, plus babysitting. (cynical).

I feel sorry for the 11 yr old too, it is not his respinsibility to watch out for the baby and it must be stressful for him. (I will now be called sexist i 'm sure).

The thread is not 'women against women' ffs. Some posters defend the OP (female) and some others the Aupair (also female). The Au pair is a young working woman doing a tradiotionally female low paid job if you want to see it from a feminist point of view!

YANBU OP, for all the reasons the other NBU stated.

I'm here more to express my dismay at the 'Daily Mail woman with the dodgy eye' comment. So we slag off other women for not being pretty now, do we? Make fun of minor disfigurements? Utter bitchiness.

Does feeding a toddler then dropping him at a childminders when it takes 2 hours count as continuous sole care?

OP, get rid of her. She sounds like a shirking sloth in the mornings, and you need someone with energy as this a critical time of day when you are paying (very well) for help.
YANBU to expect her to park her need for 2 hours, as a responsible adult, and focus on the kids.

Could an au pair working that few hours and living in also get another a time job?

I'm thinking that that may sell the gig to someone more suitable. It also might appeal to someone who wants to study?

I think it would depend on if AP is EU or not and terms of visa.

OP, yanbu at all, of course not.

If anything, this au-pair has too much of a cushy number- I understand from your previous post that she has accommodation at your house as well as £120 per week, and she is only on duty for 10 hours a week.

Sometimes when one has only a small amount of work to do, that small amount can seem like an imposition. She's spoiled!

Just set her straight, one last chance etc. I'm sure there's plenty of other girls (and boys) who would jump at the chance to work under those conditions. Lots of free time for language classes etc.